Hagatha Sluttine and other name ideas...

Naming a child is a pretty fucking big deal, if you think about it.

You are giving another human being their signature, for crying out loud...

So when you find a name you loooove?

You feel great about life. Obviously.

It's decided!
A weight is lifted!

You are all kinds of on top of this parental gig!

Yay!

Because of your joy and excitement, the shouting from the mountain tops begins!

That's when shit gets real, kids.

You see, when you share, there will sometimes be an alarmingly vocal amount of folks who take your jubilant declaration as a mere suggestion/lark, and will waste no time in telling you what you SHOULD name your child.

Why?

Your name choice sucks. Duh.

And if you are super-lucky, they'll even be gracious enough to tell you WHY.

So considerate.

When I was pregnant with my son, the concept blew me away.

How rude is that??
People really DO that??

I got lucky with O.

A few slight comments, but that was it.

Perhaps the whole "name hazing" thing was overblown....

And then I shared my daughter's name with a few family members.

"Why THAT name?!"

"So, you want people to make fun of her?"

"There are so many other CUTER names."

"Ugh. You need to pick something else!"

"Well, I just hope she doesn't come home from school crying..."


UMMMM. What.the.FUCK?

Look. I get it.

Everyone has their own tastes.

Maybe you hate the name I've picked for my daughter, I understand that.

Perhaps it is the last name on EARF you would consider, and it makes you sad that I would strap an innocent being with such a moniker...

That's your prerogative, as it were.

BUT...

There have been times where someone has happily shared their name choice with me, and inwardly, I groaned...

The key word here?
INWARDLY.
As in: to mydamnself.

See where I'm going here?

Because unless you are naming your daughter something pole/gang-worthy like Harlotte or Felonie?

(both true stories, folks)

It is not my place to stomp on the joy of your choice.

Or insult your parenting skills.

It's my job to smile and congratulate you on making such a meaningful decision.

You know, that whole "your child, your business meets basic manners" thing...


You don't have to agree with, enjoy or understand my choice, but you SHOULD avoid shitting all over it.

Not that it'll change my mind, but it will piss me off.


That being said:

If Harlotte of Felonie top your list, I will say something to you.

I'll try to be tactful, but I make no promises.