I'll leave the light on for ya...but it ain't red.

My IL's house had to be fumigated for the 3 days because of termites, so we all stayed in a hotel...

My husband was excited for getaway, hotel style carnality...

He was obviously delusional.

In-laws in  the adjoining room? 14-month-old snoring in a portacrib next to the bed? Exhaustion from packing up the house for said fumigation?

Not so sexy...

And a business/commuter hotel room? With ants in the bathroom?

Not so vacationy.

Sorry, Querido.
The baby's sound machine set on "ocean waves" was not an equitable compromise to a beach-side B&B....

But I totally appreciate your imagination and creativity in the matter.

Just not enough to risk an ER visit (and awkward convo with your parents) so we can have sex hastily in the shower. And no, the handicapped-accessible  bars in the shower did not make it kinkier. Or safer, for that matter.

I love you though.

Really!