My IL's house had to be fumigated for the 3 days because of termites, so we all stayed in a hotel...
My husband was excited for getaway, hotel style carnality...
He was obviously delusional.
In-laws in the adjoining room? 14-month-old snoring in a portacrib next to the bed? Exhaustion from packing up the house for said fumigation?
Not so sexy...
And a business/commuter hotel room? With ants in the bathroom?
Not so vacationy.
Sorry, Querido.
The baby's sound machine set on "ocean waves" was not an equitable compromise to a beach-side B&B....
But I totally appreciate your imagination and creativity in the matter.
Just not enough to risk an ER visit (and awkward convo with your parents) so we can have sex hastily in the shower. And no, the handicapped-accessible bars in the shower did not make it kinkier. Or safer, for that matter.
I love you though.
Really!
Showing posts with label Dead-Sexiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dead-Sexiness. Show all posts
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, November 4, 2010
TOP Week 1: Husbandface.
My first note for Thankful on Paper was to my Husband. Why? 'Cos he's pretty frikken amazing.
If you read his guest post, or the word "SexBee" has any meaning for you, then you probably know what I mean.
When we met in early 2005, we were both a mess.
A jaded, scarred, and suspicious lot.
There are times I am still dumbfounded that we managed to make it this far, but we had an unexplainable (if I'm honest-Strange) bond.
No matter what happened, or how hard we tried to ignore it--it couldn't be shaken off.
Thank goodness we both had the sense to recognize how rare that is...
It wasn't until we got married that I realized that I had never experienced unconditional love in action before. I had known only love that came with strings and caveats. He has shown me the life-changing difference between the two, and I am continually astounded at the gift that THAT is...
I am an all-or-nothing kind of creature. Survive or be killed, that's me.
He has a bit of a sunnier disposition....a bit more dramatic too, but whatever...(teasing. sorta.)
He keeps me balanced and from despairing in Humanity, a lot...
(You'd be surprised at how handy that can be!)
He is my best friend, and my Life Buddy. He is my Heart.
I am so Thankful he is mine.
He has patience when I do not.
He finds optimism when I can't.
He forgives me when I won't forgive myself.
I am so Thankful that he is mine.
My husband is not a Perfect man, any more than I am am a Perfect woman, but he has made me feel like I am perfection in his eyes. After so many years of being told that I was nothing, and worth even less, I can't even express how that has saved me.
I am so Thankful that he is mine.
I am so Thankful I am his.
(I love you, Querido.)
PS> It's not too LATE! Get your THANK on!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Gall-Gate 2010: The Final Showdown
Woke up at 2 (after falling asleep at 12:30ish) with another gall bladder attack.
Complete with nausea!
Been up since then!
::DELIRIUM!::
I think this makes I think this rounds me up to a solid ten.
No big deal, right?
Who doesn't love a wake up call O' pain?
Me, that's who.
But that bastard's days as my gall bladder are numbered.
Surgery is set for next Friday.
10-29-10.
I'mrelieved freaked.
What if I die?
Who will take care of my boys?
Totally not how I wanna go out!
Death by gall bladder?
That's just insulting. Thankyouverymuch!
(I know I probably WON'T die, but neuroses are hard to control on no sleep)
The surgeon hopes to do it via laproscopic, but won't know 'til he's all up in there whether I'll have to be filleted or not...
...So waking up will be all surprisey and stuff.
Yay Surprises!
PS. The GastroGuy called and it looks like I don't have colon cancer/ulcerative collitis/Celiac disease/etc. It's just probably Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Could I BE any sexier right now? Honestly.
PPS. Question: Why are my insides so effing pissy? Whatta bunch of Bitches.
Complete with nausea!
Been up since then!
::DELIRIUM!::
I think this makes I think this rounds me up to a solid ten.
No big deal, right?
Who doesn't love a wake up call O' pain?
Me, that's who.
But that bastard's days as my gall bladder are numbered.
Surgery is set for next Friday.
10-29-10.
I'm
What if I die?
Who will take care of my boys?
Totally not how I wanna go out!
Death by gall bladder?
That's just insulting. Thankyouverymuch!
(I know I probably WON'T die, but neuroses are hard to control on no sleep)
The surgeon hopes to do it via laproscopic, but won't know 'til he's all up in there whether I'll have to be filleted or not...
...So waking up will be all surprisey and stuff.
Yay Surprises!
PS. The GastroGuy called and it looks like I don't have colon cancer/ulcerative collitis/Celiac disease/etc. It's just probably Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Could I BE any sexier right now? Honestly.
PPS. Question: Why are my insides so effing pissy? Whatta bunch of Bitches.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Just when I think I can't stands no mo', my Husband puts on a "Sexy Bee" Costume.
Oh, yeah.
It was something to behold, my friends....
So here's how it all went down:
We went shopping today for O's bday party (which is going to be a Halloween-themed bash, and we're encouraging all guests to get their costume on!) to take our minds off the current shitstorm we find ourselves in, and we picked up all KINDS of CUTE in terms of decor items and we also snapped up the makings of our costumes.
We decided that no matter what was going on financially, it was important for us as a family to make sure that O's big day was special, and celebrated with panache!
BUT, All on the Cheeeeeap.
That took some creativity, as these things usually do-
Using Blind Melon as inspiration; I decided I would dress up as a Bee.
It seemed like a bright, cheerful (I thought it'd be a nice change of pace for me, Eh?) thing to be, and seemed like a relatively easy get-up to cobble together.
I was all set to go except for the keyest of my Bee ensemble-the wings and antennae, aka "deelyboppers" according to the Hubs...
This just would NOT do!
No way I wanted to be mistaken for some sort of Drag-Charlie Brown.
(Although...interesting idea....)
So we set off on a search for my missing links...
We thought this was going to be a cheap and easy mission and we were soon proved wrong.
Nothing, nowhere, No HOW, unless we wanted to spend a ridiculous amount.
We'd just about given up, when we spotted a Bee costume in CVS (of ALL places?!) on a mega clearance rack and decided to give it a looksie...
It came with a dress, tights, arm warmers, wings, and of COURSE, deelyboppers. Plus?
Uber-Cheap!
Two problems though:
1. It was a "Flirty Bee" [Read: SLUTTASTIC and totally innapropos for my son's 1st bday party]
2. It was made for a delicately-boned Malaysian boy
But Husband had a stroke of ::Genius::
We'd buy the costume and cannibalize it for parts!
Sweet!
So home we went, VICTORIOUS.
As we got home though, I started to feel that old familiar surge of panic....
"We spent too much"
"We should return everything"
"That was irresponsible"
And so forth.
I'm trying to keep this all to myself, and fighting the urge to start crying over the absurdity of our lives at the moment when as if on cue-
I look up to see my husband shimmying himself into the "SexBee" outfit.
Complete with wings, and you guessed it, DEELYBOPPERS.
I.peed.my.pants.
No joke. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.
(I still can't believe he shoved himself into it...you could hear ripping as he moved...)
IT.WAS.GLORIOUS.
Tragically, he would not allow photographic evidence of any kind.
So just work the image out for yourself:
This Dude:
Parading around in this little number:
(Remember honey, you can find anything on the webnets)
Mmmmmmhmmm.
And whatever picture you've got crafted in your mind?
Can't even TOUCH the real deal.
Maaaaan. I love my Husband.
I don't know how I'd make it without him....(and O, obviously.)...
It was something to behold, my friends....
So here's how it all went down:
We went shopping today for O's bday party (which is going to be a Halloween-themed bash, and we're encouraging all guests to get their costume on!) to take our minds off the current shitstorm we find ourselves in, and we picked up all KINDS of CUTE in terms of decor items and we also snapped up the makings of our costumes.
We decided that no matter what was going on financially, it was important for us as a family to make sure that O's big day was special, and celebrated with panache!
BUT, All on the Cheeeeeap.
That took some creativity, as these things usually do-
Using Blind Melon as inspiration; I decided I would dress up as a Bee.
It seemed like a bright, cheerful (I thought it'd be a nice change of pace for me, Eh?) thing to be, and seemed like a relatively easy get-up to cobble together.
I was all set to go except for the keyest of my Bee ensemble-the wings and antennae, aka "deelyboppers" according to the Hubs...
This just would NOT do!
No way I wanted to be mistaken for some sort of Drag-Charlie Brown.
(Although...interesting idea....)
So we set off on a search for my missing links...
We thought this was going to be a cheap and easy mission and we were soon proved wrong.
Nothing, nowhere, No HOW, unless we wanted to spend a ridiculous amount.
We'd just about given up, when we spotted a Bee costume in CVS (of ALL places?!) on a mega clearance rack and decided to give it a looksie...
It came with a dress, tights, arm warmers, wings, and of COURSE, deelyboppers. Plus?
Uber-Cheap!
Two problems though:
1. It was a "Flirty Bee" [Read: SLUTTASTIC and totally innapropos for my son's 1st bday party]
2. It was made for a delicately-boned Malaysian boy
But Husband had a stroke of ::Genius::
We'd buy the costume and cannibalize it for parts!
Sweet!
So home we went, VICTORIOUS.
As we got home though, I started to feel that old familiar surge of panic....
"We spent too much"
"We should return everything"
"That was irresponsible"
And so forth.
I'm trying to keep this all to myself, and fighting the urge to start crying over the absurdity of our lives at the moment when as if on cue-
I look up to see my husband shimmying himself into the "SexBee" outfit.
Complete with wings, and you guessed it, DEELYBOPPERS.
I.peed.my.pants.
No joke. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.
(I still can't believe he shoved himself into it...you could hear ripping as he moved...)
IT.WAS.GLORIOUS.
Tragically, he would not allow photographic evidence of any kind.
So just work the image out for yourself:
This Dude:
Parading around in this little number:
(Remember honey, you can find anything on the webnets)
Mmmmmmhmmm.
And whatever picture you've got crafted in your mind?
Can't even TOUCH the real deal.
Maaaaan. I love my Husband.
I don't know how I'd make it without him....(and O, obviously.)...
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