It would be almost Funny...

If it didn't potentially involve cancer.

My Darling Hubs found a lump in his testicle.
On the 30th anniversary weekend of when his father discovered that HE had testicular cancer...
Awesome, right?

He went to the doctor yesterday, and was told that it was probably a blocked vesicle or something else of a non-cancery nature, but the doc can't be sure, and there is a family history....soooooo:

He's having an ultrasound this afternoon to try and confirm the nature of the lump.

Despite my best efforts, I vacillate between rage and despair.

I'm repeatedly telling myself that it's not cancer and that the tests are going to be fine, but even if they are (and I can't BREATHE until I know for sure)--

Are you efffing KIDDING ME? With all that we are struggling with, Life's just gonna throw a cancer-scare in there for shits and giggles? It's just too much.


I was already depressed as hell, and I can't say this is helping. Even poor hubby has cracked...

We need some pure, unadulterated, good fortune to come our way with a damn quickness. PLEASE.

If that weren't enough, they're trying to deny my insurance coverage.

Wooo!!!

I'm hoping it's just a clerical error, but I have yet to get on the phone with an actual person to find out. I loathe, LOATHE automated systems...

If they want more money, they are S-O-frikkenL. We don't have anymore money. Especially with all of the time Spouseface has had to take off given the various health upsets. I don't think he's gotten a full 40 hr check in two months, which is, ya know, "helpful" and stuff....

As far as post-surgical-update:

I'm doing okay. I had some complications with my pain meds and ended up in the ER on the Saturday night after my surgery, but they switched them and fixed that problem. The pain was FAR worse than I had expected, as was my lack of mobility and the fatigue. Thankfully, the pain is manageable now...I still can't bend, twist or pick up/carry O (which breaks my heart), but at  least I can finally walk around . The fatigue, however, is crushing me.

I suppose I should've seen that coming, given I already have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but I was still caught off-guard... (E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D. Dead. Sadness.)...
maybe because lapro-surgery is made to sound so easy-peezy. It's not, just-so-you-know.

Sure, it's better than open surgery, but it's STILL MAJOR SURGERY. I think the fact that it's out-patient is a little dangerous, honestly.

That about sums it up. I'm pained, exhausted, kinda heartbroken (on many levels), and financially tapped OUT, but no gall bladder attacks or unexplained abdominal pain (the hernia), so HEY, that's great!

Or Something Like That....

Please keep my sweet Husbandface in your thoughts. We are doing are best to keep our chins up, and expect the best, but I know he's scared (I'm terrified), and we could use all the luck we can get. Hopefully the scans today are all negative (in the positive way) and happy.

I'll keep you updated...

This is NOT the Jayne you're looking for...

As you may have figured out by now, PJ (see what I did there?) isn't feeling well today - what with having an organ removed and all - so I, her Husband, will be the substitute "Jayne" for this post.

I've had the privilege of being a (very) behind-the-scenes player in this blog since the beginning,  as either an over-the-shoulder proof-reader (she loves that), or an occasional source of inspiration (I was a Slutty Bee. I regret nothing.), but  I think it'll be fun giving the actual writing a try.

Having just read my last sentence, I can tell this is going to suck. You have my condolences: PJ will be back soon, I promise. Let's get this show on the road.

Obviously, the surgery went as expected: completely laproscopic, no complications, etc. There was a small surprise, but we'll get to that in a bit. Let's start the timeline, shall we?

The day starts at 5:30 AM.

This, as you may already know, is not a good time of day for my Wife. In fact, she'd like to believe that mornings start around 10, but our son has confirmed that the ass-crack of dawn is a perfectly acceptable time to wake up.

We make our way to the hospital, and arrive right on time at 7:00 so that we can get prepped for the 9:00 surgery. I notice very few people in the waiting room: good sign, I think. I'm an idiot, so you can guess how this actually turned out.

Three hours later, they wheel her off to the operating room.

Side Note: after spending several hours in a surgical waiting room, I can safely say that Grey's Anatomy is full of shit. I saw dozens of doctors, and there was no McDreamy, no McSteamy, no McNothin'. Well, there was McDumpy, McSchlumpy, McUgly, and McSurly.

Since I'm about as useful as an underwater bicycle at this point, and I'm not going to be needed for another two hours, I decide to get something for breakfast. Not three minutes after I leave the parking lot, I get a call from her surgeon. From the operating room. While she's on the table. Fuck.

Turns out, he found an Umbilical Hernia, and he needed to let me know before he fixed it. How courteous.

Admittedly, I can't really give him any crap, because this guy was clearly very good at his job: he caught an extra problem, fixed it, AND removed the offending Gallbladder in less than an hour. It usually takes me longer to make frickin' spaghetti.

So, at 11:00, I head back to the hospital, and wait for her to get out of recovery.



And wait.



And wait...



And wait.



Seriously? What the hell is going on back there? Cripes, how long has it been?


...Half an hour? Oh. Ok. Well, I'll just sit back down, then. Sorry about that. How long's this supposed to take, again? Hour? Hour and a half? I can handle that.



Three hours.

We got there at 7:00, and left at 2:00. I didn't care; I was just happy to get my Wife back. My sweet, delirious, high-as-a-fucking-kite Wife. She's a peach when she's on drugs - she really is. Remarkably friendly. Cute as button. And funny as hell.

Knowing full well what was in store, I took a video of our conversation during the car ride home. I was originally going to post and/or transcribe it here, but frankly, it just doesn't translate, and PJ would flay me alive if it found its way onto the interwebs. Suffice it to say, it is awesome, and if anyone wants to see it, give me a buzz.

But just so everyone gets a sense of what I had the joy to witness, just imagine a four year old (her voice gets really high-pitched when she's under the influence; no idea why, but it's awesome.) juxtaposing questions about the existence of her own belly button with discussions of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, Cotton Balls and Death (sounds like an amazing band), and graham crackers. It was beautiful.

Anyway, that's all for now - thanks for tolerating me while you could, and JPJ will be back next post!

Ain't that a kick in the Teeth?

As my lovely readers may have figured out, things have been a little less than rosy around here...

I can't really say it's lookin' up.

Monday, I got a notice from Medi-Cal that my Share-of-Cost coverage was terminated as of the 1st of October.

Ummmm, come again?!

I have a SURGERY scheduled on Friday. THIS FRIDAY.

Immediately filled with the urge to vomit, I tried not to panic. There's was nothing I could do until the next morning...

My fervent hope is that I would call Medi-Cal and it would all be some silly misunderstanding...
Ooops! "Silly Us!" They would say.


Yeah, NOTSOMUCH.

My insurance is canceled. As I am no longer pregnant, O is no longer an infant and I happen to be married, we no longer qualify for squat.

Our income is "too high" (tell that to our bank account) and we are an "in-tact" family, therefore ineligible for aid.

Since when is being a stable family a bad thing?
It is in the eyes on Medi-Cal.

I was able however, to skim under the radar somehow, and since my surgery was already approved, it will be covered with the $2000 co-pay.

BUT, any medical care costs or anything related to the surgery/post-op that occurs AFTER the 31st of October will be our responsibility 100%.


Yippee?

Please cross your fingers for me that the surgery goes smoothly and is laproscopic, so it can be considered an out-patient procedure. If they have to go in all Mash-style, I'll be laid up in the hospital for a few days, and we don't have that kind of scratch....

Hey, did I mention that we also need a new car? SchWEET.








PS. O's Birthday Bash was Fab! I will post as SOON as I get all the pictures!

Gall-Gate 2010: The Final Showdown

Woke up at 2 (after falling asleep at 12:30ish) with another gall bladder attack.

Complete with nausea!
Been up since then!


::DELIRIUM!::

I think this makes I think this rounds me up to a solid ten.

No big deal, right?

Who doesn't love a wake up call O' pain?

Me, that's who.

But that bastard's days as my gall bladder are numbered.

Surgery is set for next Friday.

10-29-10.

I'm relieved freaked.

What if I die?

Who will take care of my boys?
Totally not how I wanna go out!
Death by gall bladder?


That's just insulting. Thankyouverymuch!

(I know I probably WON'T die, but neuroses are hard to control on no sleep)

The surgeon hopes to do it via laproscopic, but won't know 'til he's all up in there whether I'll have to be filleted or not...

...So waking up will be all surprisey and stuff.

Yay Surprises!












PS. The GastroGuy called and it looks like I don't have colon cancer/ulcerative collitis/Celiac disease/etc. It's just probably Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Could I BE any sexier right now? Honestly.


PPS. Question: Why are my insides so effing pissy? Whatta bunch of Bitches.

Eviction Notice.

For my gall bladder, that is.

I FINALLY saw the general surgeon yesterday morning and he said its gotta come OUT.

This makes me relieved and nervous at the same time.

I'll be glad to not have gall attacks anymore (I was in the ER AGAIN last Saturday), but surgery always is a little risky...

Will it be fine? I'm sure it will, but having O has made me a bit of a NervousNellie.

The surgery hasn't been scheduled, the surgeon has to get approval from Medi-Cal first. I hope it goes smoothly and speedily so this I can get this mess over with!

I still haven't gotten the results of the biopsies they did during my colonoscopy, so there's no updates on that yet.

[I did file a complaint, btw. Just a written one-I had no desire to get all sue-y about it, I just wanted to make sure it was documented so it hopefully won't happen to someone else]

I never heard from the Uro guy after that craptacular appointment, so I'm thinking I'm going to have to find another one and start that process all over again.
Yaaaaaaay.

But, while having the bladder of an incontinent octogenarian isn't exactly sexy, it ain't life-threatening, so I'm putting it on the back burner 'til the gallbladder/colon/stomach sitch is figured out.

Other than that,
I'm exhausted.
STRESSED.
Fighting off a bout of depression.

I lay awake at night wondering how we're going to weather all of this financially.

Weirdest of all, though?

I really want to have another baby.

I KNOW. I must really be going off the deep-end...

I think I'm just afraid we won't be able to try for another one before the option is taken away from me health-wise...?

I know that I am super-lucky to have one healthy baby, and I'm not trying to be greedy, but I know that the Hubs and I would be sad if we didn't at least try to have a sibling for O.

Anyhoo-in happier news:

O's FIRST BIRTHDAY party is on Saturday!

(I'm having a hard time accepting that he'll be 1 soon.)
I'm excited, but WORRIED. We had planned to have it in the backyard, but with the weather being all torrential, I don't think that's happening...and my IL's downstairs isn't exactly "kid-friendly."

I know O won't give a rip, but I just want it to be a special day.

Cross your fingers!

I'll post about the festivities next week!!!

DUDE. That was.... so.not.okay.

Let's talk about this morning...

I'm not even going to get into the preparations that were required for this event.

[Let's just say that no one ever wants to pee outta their ass. It's just not sexy.]


So we arrived bright and early to the hospital at 8am this morning.

I was hungry and exhausted.

I get in there and they start the prep and the nurse informs me that not only are they scoping my "back door," they'll be scoping my throat...

I was not aware of this.

After a brief panic, I quieted my flight response by reminding myself of the heavy sedation.

Everyone I know that has had a colonoscopy said that they felt nothing and remembered even less.

It was going to be all anesthesia and roses!

Well, my friends:

It was FUCKING NOT.

I felt EVERYTHING and remembered EVERYTHING.


I kept trying to tell them that something was not right as I cried out in pain, but they kept reassuring me that I had been given plenty of sedation, and any more would be dangerous.

[I honestly don't know if they just didn't give me enough, or if my drip just wasn't effective-I can't tell you what the hell happened, but I was not sedated properly.]

So trying not to sob*, I got through the rest.

When I asked if they were already done with the throat portion, the nurse cheerfully replied:

"See, Honey? You were sedated, you don't even remember that we did it."


Oh, I remembered, lady. It was just quicker than I thought, and I was afraid there might be more.


By the end, as the fear subsided, I was pissed.

When they read the after-care instructions to me and the Hubs before the procedure, we were told that I would be so out of it that I wouldn't even be able to dress myself, and we need help getting up/going to the bathroom for the REST of the DAY.


Out of it, you say? I think NOT.

IMMEDIATELY after the procedure, I slammed back two cups of apple juice, dressed MYSELF, gathered up my discharge papers and got the hell outta dodge.

I came home, ate some lunch, chatted with our baby sitter, changed my clothes and cuddled with my son.

I was as coherent as my intestines are long.

Asshats.


I don't know if I should file a complaint. I don't want to be *that* lady, but it was kinda horrifying.


I've been ill at ease all day.

I took some pain pills, and took a long nap, hoping I would wake up feeling better about the whole thing, but I'm still just as upset.


I am being overly dramatic?


I won't have any news about the outcome of the colonoscopy/throat scope until the results of the biopsies come back some time next week.


I'll keep y'all in the loop as I get more info.














*During my 2003 sexual assault, I was entered anally repeatedly, so I don't like anything being forced up my butt, medically necessary or not. Anything of that nature brings back things I'd rather not remember.

You want to put What WHERE? And you want me to PAY you?

Latest on Gall-Gate '10:


So I have to have a colonoscopy....
(yeah, you want to be me, fo sho')

I'm not afraid, I'm just pissed.

It's undignified that I should have to pay $2000.00 for someone to shove a tuby camera up my ass.

You know what we really send me into oblivion? If I go thru all of this nonsense and they don't find a thing.

Not that I want something to be hideously wrong, but COME ON NOW.

They best find something....

At least the Gastro specialist was nice.

The Urology specialist was an asshat.

He wouldn't even listen to me. He was INSISTENT that my issues were because I was so "severely overweight" and because I didn't do enough Kegels.

When I pointed out that neither my OBGYN nor my PCP felt that weight was an issue, and both felt that I had bladder damage due to various occurrences, Mr. Pee King kept telling me to stop eating junk food and to make an effort to exercise...something I OBVIOUSLY wasn't doing.

Now, I'm not one to use the ..."But I'm big-boned" excuse. I know that I need to lose weight. But I'm not a rabid junk foodie who lays around all day, bathing in trans-fats. I am, however, someone who eats pretty damn healthily but put on a lot of weight due to trauma, being ill, taking different meds, and my metabolism shuddering to a stop...

And not to play the "placard card," but I have Cerebral Palsy and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

It's not like I can take a 5 mile jog to my advanced spin class and then Bikram Yoga pose my ass home.

(It takes all my energy to take care of my son and our little household.)

As SUCH- the generalization angers me. I realize that the "good doctor" is looking at it from a health perspective, but he took it several steps beyond (At one point he actually said the word fat and then caught himself a bit late) to disrespectful.

I'm no wisp of a woman, but I'm not Mama Grape, either.

In short, I need to see another Uro guy.

When I followed up with my PCP, he was PISSED. That made me feel a little better. lol...

[What didn't make me feel better? The $200 cost of my visit.]

In terms of my gall bladder, I've had a few more small attacks, but I'm still waiting for an appointment with a general surgeon, so no new progress on that. Boo.


So for those keeping score, here's what we've learned so far-

Jack and Shit.

That jewel of knowledge has cost me $4200 as of now, and I haven't even gotten my lab bills yet.

Oh, I almost forgot...

I also have a chest infection. Woo.



I'm *this* close to losing it.

But with this face looking at me,



I do my best to keep on keepin' on. We've gotta catch a break at some point.



Right?


Guys.....?



Sigh.

Well, it's better than a poke in the eye with a stick...

I guess.

Here's the update on Gall-Gate 2010:

My ER bill came to $6000.00.

Yes, that's THOUSAND....

After being on the phone forEVER, and basically being told that I was S.O.L. (because my Hubs makes too much, GUFFAW.)as far as financial assistance goes, I found out that I at least qualify for Share-of-Cost Medi-Cal.

Basically, it means that on a monthly basis, I have a certain amount that I have to pay out of pocket if I seek any kind of medical care--My "Share of Cost". After I meet that amount, any other care I receive within that month is covered, as long as I see a doctor that is a Medi-Cal Provider. If a month goes by and I haven't sought any medical attention, than I owe nothing. I only pay for what I use.

Not too shabby, no?

Sure!

Except my SOC is $2000.00 a month.

$2000.00 a month is pretty much our entire monthly income.

So, yeah. FML, right?

RIGHT.

There's a the silver(ISH) lining:

Because I have the SOC plan in place, I only had to pay $2000 of the $6000 bill. Yaaaay!

BUT, because you have to pay your SOC within the month it was used, there was no option to make payments on the 2 Gs. It was all or nothing, baby.

We had to borrow from my ILs. I have no idea how we're gong to pay them back, because I have appts. to have consultations with the 3 specialists next month, and those will all be out of pocket. Chances are, if they agree with my PCP and schedule surgery, I won't be able to have surgery 'til November. We're still trying to recup after the trips to WV.

Where the HELL are we supposed to pull these funds from?

Hubs and I figure that by the end of it all (if we're lucky), we're going to be looking at $6-8000.00 spent, which is WAY better than it could be, but still enough to cripple me with anxiety.

We've been working so hard to financially stabilize, I feel like all of our work is slowly becoming undone.

I can't fathom how we're going to rebound from this. It's already breaking us financially.

Not to mention, O's bday is coming up, and there's the holidays.

Every Christmas is rough for us b/c Hub's company shuts down for a week during the holiday. It's unpaid.

So every Christmas, we sit at home, somewhat appreciative of the little "vaycay," but panicked over the lost income.


It's gonna be a Blue Christmas, kids.


I'm HOPING that I'll go see all of these specialists, they'll run their tests, and sum it up with:

You're fine!

If I'm being honest with myself, I know SOMETHING isn't fine.

I don't feel well, and haven't for quite some time.

We'll see what happens!

Wish me luck thru this process. I need it.

I'll keep y'all in the loop as much as I can!

I don't even know what to say, other than: F@#K!

I am angry.

I want to throw myself on the floor and have a fit.

That kind of angry.

I ended up in the ER on Saturday morning at 3 am with abdominal pain so bad it made me cry/unable to breathe.
As it had been going on for a week in earnest, I finally relented and went to the ER.

Found out I had gallstones.

The ER referred my to my primary care physician.
[He's technically my MIL's considering I don't have insurance, but I see him when it's urgent]

After talking to him about my current symptoms and the on-going ones I've had for the last year (but kept rationalizing in my head as not a big deal-in my defense, so did others, making me doubt their severity), he told me that I needed to go see not one, not Two, but THREE different specialists.

[A Gastrointerologist, a Urologist, and a Surgeon. Kinda like the nursery rhyme, but more college]

FML.

I won't go into all of it until I have concrete info, but he definitely thinks I need my gall bladder removed, could need bladder surgery, and he thinks I may also have ulcerative colitis or Chrohn's disease.

Hubs is afraid it's Cancer.
{I doubt it.}
He shouldn't be allowed on WebMD anymore.

Sooo, as mentioned before, I'm pissed.

I keep waiting for some good luck to befall us, or for all of our perseverance to finally pay off, and instead, we get more crap to deal with.

I have NO idea how we're going to pay for this.

I will be spending the next week on the phone calling everywhere I can think of to try and get some assistance.

I don't qualify for MediCal, no one will insure me, and the high-risk pools have long waiting lists with even longer price tags, so I've gotta do some digging to see what else is out there. There's gotta be a way to make this cheaper. If not, I suppose there's always bankruptcy....yeeeesh.

Either way, I've gotta start taking care of this ASAP so it doesn't get worse.



My biggest fear in this mess (besides bankruptcy and/or destitution)?

1. I'll go thru all the tests and pay all this money to find out that it's somehow NOTHING

OR,

2. I'll go thru all the tests and it will be Cancer.


[Personally, if I had to pick, I'm shooting for Door #1.]