You want to put What WHERE? And you want me to PAY you?

Latest on Gall-Gate '10:


So I have to have a colonoscopy....
(yeah, you want to be me, fo sho')

I'm not afraid, I'm just pissed.

It's undignified that I should have to pay $2000.00 for someone to shove a tuby camera up my ass.

You know what we really send me into oblivion? If I go thru all of this nonsense and they don't find a thing.

Not that I want something to be hideously wrong, but COME ON NOW.

They best find something....

At least the Gastro specialist was nice.

The Urology specialist was an asshat.

He wouldn't even listen to me. He was INSISTENT that my issues were because I was so "severely overweight" and because I didn't do enough Kegels.

When I pointed out that neither my OBGYN nor my PCP felt that weight was an issue, and both felt that I had bladder damage due to various occurrences, Mr. Pee King kept telling me to stop eating junk food and to make an effort to exercise...something I OBVIOUSLY wasn't doing.

Now, I'm not one to use the ..."But I'm big-boned" excuse. I know that I need to lose weight. But I'm not a rabid junk foodie who lays around all day, bathing in trans-fats. I am, however, someone who eats pretty damn healthily but put on a lot of weight due to trauma, being ill, taking different meds, and my metabolism shuddering to a stop...

And not to play the "placard card," but I have Cerebral Palsy and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

It's not like I can take a 5 mile jog to my advanced spin class and then Bikram Yoga pose my ass home.

(It takes all my energy to take care of my son and our little household.)

As SUCH- the generalization angers me. I realize that the "good doctor" is looking at it from a health perspective, but he took it several steps beyond (At one point he actually said the word fat and then caught himself a bit late) to disrespectful.

I'm no wisp of a woman, but I'm not Mama Grape, either.

In short, I need to see another Uro guy.

When I followed up with my PCP, he was PISSED. That made me feel a little better. lol...

[What didn't make me feel better? The $200 cost of my visit.]

In terms of my gall bladder, I've had a few more small attacks, but I'm still waiting for an appointment with a general surgeon, so no new progress on that. Boo.


So for those keeping score, here's what we've learned so far-

Jack and Shit.

That jewel of knowledge has cost me $4200 as of now, and I haven't even gotten my lab bills yet.

Oh, I almost forgot...

I also have a chest infection. Woo.



I'm *this* close to losing it.

But with this face looking at me,



I do my best to keep on keepin' on. We've gotta catch a break at some point.



Right?


Guys.....?



Sigh.

Did I say "Tired and Fat?" No, I TOTALLY meant "Blissful and Womanly." Really!

No I didn't. I'm a liar.

What I meant to say was: EXHAUSTED and GINORMOUS.

And, And, ANDDDD....

I'd really like to have control of my bladder back.


But that's not what people want to hear when they ask how you are doing in your pregnancy.


Because if I told them that my feet are painfully swollen, that I have menopausal-level hot flashes, that my back and hips are in so much pain it feels like they're trying to secede from the union that is my skeletal system, and peeing my pants is becoming a daily occurrence--that thing will happen where their eyes sorta glaze over and that polite smile crosses their face....

Uh Oh. I've lost them and have now entered that awkward territory.

You know the one, that place where the person you just said that to tries to then reassure you that you will love being a mother and love your baby?

For Pete's sake!

Of course I will love being a mother! Of COURSE of will love my baby! I already do!


I'm ECSTATIC to be pregnant, I'm just having a rough time with some of the "side effects," if you will.


So I smile and jokingly say "tired and fat"...hee hee!

I thought this was safe. Humourous, light, not a lie, but not the full story--you know, keepin' it casual....


Until I said it to one of my MILs friends while were were having lunch.

This was her response:

"Oh, honey, you don't know the half of it. This is the easy part!" "Just enjoy it, because your next pregnancy will never be as easy as your first, especially with another little one running around, so appreciate this magical time, because you NEVER get to have a first pregnancy again."


Well, shit.

Now, I feel like an asshole for not appreciating my pregnancy enough, AND you've completely terrified me about having a second child.


Awesome.

Pass the butter. I'll stuff down my fears with carbs for the time-being.


Soooo nice to see you, btw. So nice.

Thanks.