Excuse me while I get up on my soapbox...

[I might need help getting down, just FYI.]

Anyone who is a mother knows that being a mother is hard.

It's the most amazing thing I have ever done, but also, hands-down the hardest.

Most mamas would agree....


And YET

We're always segregating ourselves into camps and judging each other. Like a scene out of Mean Girls.

co-sleeping vs. crib

breast-feeding vs. formula
baby-wearing vs. stroller

sign language vs. not 
homeschool vs. public school

ETC...

But one of the biggest (besides the boob vs. baba debate) is  

natural birth vs. cesarean birth.

In case you were wondering, I delivered O via C-Section. I did not want to, but there was a big possibility of risk/harm to him and myself if I would have attempted a vaginal birth. As much as I wanted to do it MY way, I couldn't abide by even remotely endangering my son to accomplish what I wanted.


I've received both overwhelming support and staunch derision for my decision.

This led to a lot of conflicting emotions surrounding my 'Birth Story" as it were.


I've never written about my birthing experience, because for a long time, I felt like I didn't HAVE one, which is just ridiculous. Of course I did.  It was just a different one from the one I had expected. That didn't make it any less.


That's like Battle Royale material in the Mamahood.
 

Holy shit, ladies. This is where we lose our minds. People get angry and vicious and all-KINDS of militant about this issue.

If you're wondering what brought this on, I stumbled upon this, which was in reference to this, which got me thinking about how frikken judgy a lot of mothers are (myself included, from time-to-time).

Why is that? Can't we just support one another, and each family's birthing experience?

How dare we (In the collective sense) marginalize a woman's love and/or commitment to her child because she had a Cesarean. How dare we sigh and cast a sideways glance of pity because that woman missed out on "giving birth" and bonding with her baby, again marginalizing the experience.

I WILL say this:

I am not a fan of elected, non-medically necessary C-sections. Stone me if you must, but I'm not.

However, I would never DREAM of saying that because a woman chose that route, it means she does not love her child.


Let's get it together people. Parenting is not black and white.

Each pregnancy is different.
Each Child is different
Each FAMILY is different.

What do we teach our children when we run around acting like holier-than-thou fools?

As long as we do our best to love and nurture and nourish and educate our children, while keeping them safe, do we have to sling arrows at the details? Or can we respect each other enough to try and hold one another up rather than always finding a way to tear down?

[Cue Melody of Kumbaya/We Are the World.]

Bottom Line?

The day a child is born in ANY manner is special and sacred day.


Let's not hang ourselves on technicalities.

Maybe this means he'll be a butt man....

Owen is HERE!

As of Wednesday, October 28th at 1:05pm, my perfect little man made his grand entrance into the world!

8 lbs, 7 oz, 19 inches long.

He is an absolute ANGEL, and I could not ask for a better (or more gorgeous) baby.

{For pics, check out http://lookathowcuteiam.blogspot.com}

Well, except for one thing...he hates my boobs.

I reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaallllly wanted to breast feed. The bonding, the nutritional benefits, etc. I studied up, armed myself with the right gear, and gathered resources--I was amped.

My son, not so much.

He would not latch on to save his life. Granted, we had some obstacles, like my inverted nipples and his tendency to draw in his lower lip, but I was assured by the lactation consultants (or "Nipple Whisperers" as they were deemed by my hubby) that with persistence and patience, he would be on the boob in no time.

After 4 days of him screaming every time I put him to the nipple and me crying because I felt like a monster of a mother, the NWs changed their tune.

Now, they said—“You can pump and feed. The breast just doesn’t work for everybody”

Great.

So home from the hospital we went, latchless.

I was totally bummed. I felt like a failure. Would I think that any other mother was a failure? No, but this was not someone else, this was me, and the standards are less forgiving…

But, finally after trying to get him to love the boob at home only to more tears from the both of us, I decided to let it go and focus solely on pumping.

Yay Pumping!

Or not.

I had been pumping in the hospital every 3 hours, and continued that trend when I got home…

My milk wasn’t coming in.

More crying and crushing feelings of inadequacy ensued.

So I called the NWs. They assured me that my milk would come in, and that it was common for Cesarean births to sometimes cause a delay in production.

Their official line was basically: “If you Pump it, Milk will come”

Okay, fine.

So every 2-3 hours, I’m pumping, and when I can stand it, I’ll pump every hour and a half.

I feel like a dairy cow.

All of that effort and my production is still super low. We’re having to formula feed him almost exclusively, which again, makes me feel (however irrationally) like LoserMommy.

This Wednesday marks 2 weeks. Unless the Nipple River starts flowing by then, I’m packing away my pump.

I don’t want to be one of those women that gives up too soon, but at the same time, I don’t want to beat a dead mammary either.

I feel like all I do is pump, and it’s not even effective. Kinda like salt in the wounds….

I might as well spend that time enjoying Owen, instead of feeling bad about myself and torturing my nips, because on top of all the boob vs bottle drama—I’m healing from a C-section and as those of you who read this blog regularly know, a pretty physically debilitating pregnancy in the first place, which isn’t going so hot if I’m honest.


My poor husband.

He has been SO incredible in helping me and taking care of Owen, but I know he’s pretty sure I’ve lost my mind, because there has been a massive amount of tears and frustration since our son was born, and I don’t think he expected that.

In his defense, I don’t think I did either.

Neither one of us could have anticipated the feeding problems or how physically wrecked I would STILL be after coming home and how emotionally taxing that would be.

So it’s been tough, but every day gets a little better, so we are hanging in there.

And most importantly, we have Owen…our healthy, sweet, little monkey who makes us both giddy.

I swear, I could just stare at him sleeping all freakin’ day.

That’s not creepy, just maternal, right?

AmniooooOH BOY.

I had my amnio today.

My darling son would NOT STOP MOVING, so they had to manuever that ginormous needle around him....while plunged into my belly.

Translation?

Pain. Labor Contractions. WOAH.

So after being admitted, hooked up to a monitor, and my uterus calming down, I was finally sent home.

As they were discharging me, I got the results of the amnio...

Owen's lungs are mature and raring to breathe. He is also 10 lbs.

The nurses kept calling him the "Wild Child" because he wouldn't stay still to be monitored, and if they pushed too hard on my belly, he started kicking.

FANtasTIC.

I'm going to give birth to a 10 lb Tasmanian Devil.


(If you listen closely, you can hear faint guffawing from the sky)

While on the topic of my little monster--


I've started a picture blog to document the coming awesomeness that is our son.

BEHOLD:

http://lookathowcuteiam.blogspot.com


Check it out! I hope the blog will be a great place for our friends and family to check out pictures of Owen as they come...which they will in DROVES, I'm sure!

Please Note--

Owen's pictoblog will not be connected to this blog.

Becaaaaaause, this blog contains language and situations that may not be suitable for grandparents...or great-grandparents, etc.


Okay, well that's it for the moment!


Oh, wait. One more thing....

Owen will be here on WEDNESDAY.

!!!!!!

Sitting upright hurts, so this will be short.

And it's hard to use a laptop when you no longer have a lap...or cuddle with a cat, which pisses our cat off to no end.

She gives my belly dirty looks, I kid you not!

Anyway, I'm pretty much on life-lockdown these days. I can't really get up and down without assistance, and anything longer than a short walk to and from the car requires a wheelchair. This is not conducive to getting anything done.

{I won't try to lie and say that I'm at peace with this.}

I had an OB appointment today. The baby is perfectly healthy and getting bigger.

SO AM I. The weight is going on like gang busters. I've officially gained 25lbs.

The number the nurse read made me nauseous.

In addition, I have an amnio on Monday to check How Owen is doing, and more importantly, what his lung function is like.

If they're strong enough, they may consider delivering him earlier than the 5th of November.

My back and joints would be stoked!


In other news, I had my 2nd shower this last Saturday. It went well, but I was bummed because unfortunately, a lot of people couldn't make it.

Things are hectic for everyone these days, so I completely get it. Everyone seemed to have a really good time though, and Owen got another BOAT LOAD of adorable baby clothes.

I still haven't found a place to put all of the clothes from his LAST shower, so things could get hairy--but you know, in a fashionable way.


I will try to post again on Monday after the amnio.

Fingers CROSSED, everyone!

Save the Date!

11-5-09 at 7 am!

Well, really, Hubs and I are the only ones who need to do it, but if you wanna, mark up that calendar!

This is the date of my scheduled C-Section. I was crossing my fingers that he would schedule it a week earlier (I can't take much more! Haha. I know, I'm awful.), which is what he originally talked about doing, but has now decided that he wants to push me to 39 weeks if possible.

He's also given me a prescription for an antibiotic to slow down/stop the contractions that I've started having...

Sadist.

In the same breath, however, he said that if I went into labor/my water broke in the next two weeks, he would just go ahead and deliver me, and Owen would be just fine.


Mixed Signals, much?

Way to play with my emotions, Doc.


I know it seems like I'm trying to shoo my child from the womb, and that sounds (reads) terribly neglectful, but I am SUPER uncomfortable, crampy, and peeing every 15 minutes. AND, not sleeping. These occurences do lead to insanity, in case you were wondering...

I realize that these are miniscule scarifices to make for a healthy baby, but I gotta tell ya:

It makes the next 5 weeks seem like a FRICKEN ETERNITY.

A urine-laden, sleep-deprived ETERNITY.

I have an ultrasound scheduled for next Friday afternoon with the perinatalogist.

He'll be checking Owen's fluid level and position, to see if he's on his way out...sooner rather than later, that is!

OWENWATCH 2009 is on!

Ps. I found out that Owen's circumcision is NOT covered by Medi-Cal. It's considered "cosmetic." Really? So, it's a $250 snippy-snip!

And he won't even appreciate it.

Kids these days.....

This is a Test of your Emergency Birthing System...

So Owen tried to make a break for it.

Well, I guess we can't really blame it all on him....

They think that my amniotic sac sprung a leak, which can obviously result in preterm labor, which OBVIOUSLY scared the living SHIT out of Owen's daddy and me.

We checked into the hospital on Thursday night, and they immediately put me in a room and hooked me up to a monitor.

IV antibiotics to prevent infection, and steroids to help develop Owen's premature lungs, immediately followed.

3 days of monitoring, tests and major panic attacks brought up the ranks.

It was absolutely terrifying. While they were confident of his survival, hearing words like "NICU," "breathing machines," "feeding tubes," etc., in regards to the birth of your child is just heart-stopping.

Particularly, when as his mother, you were born premature and have had a lot of problems as a result...

But good news all around!

The leak seems to have sealed itself up (apparently that happens), the baby is stable, I'm stable and all looks good for now.

The perinatalogist (sp?) does think that Owen will still be coming early...like possibly in the next 2 weeks (which will still make him premature, but not dangerously so, and the steroids have given him a leg up at this point).

WOAH.

He's fully positioned for birth already. His head is so buried in my cervix, they could not get a clear reading of the cervical length.

COMFY.

Freaks me out. I do not feel prepared for him yet! There's still a lot of cleaning and organzing to do! And now I'm on strict bed rest. CRAP!

(I know, I have issues.)

But as long as he is born healthy, that's all that matters.


In other news, I will be having a scheduled C-Section. My OB feels as though it is our safest option given my hip structure and pelvic muscles.

This was definitely not my original plan, but as I'm being forced to learn more and MORE every day, there is no PLANNING in parenthood. Akin to that old "No crying in Baseball" adage, I think...

Oh, and did I mention that my son is huge?

Yeah, he's already over 6 lbs.

His father is very proud.
I'm just resigning myself to adult diapers.

Think about it.


Anyway, wish me luck! Hopefully, we can keep Owen baking for as long as possible!

I have a follow up appointment on Wednesday, so I'll post an update then...