Address Change Reminder!

Hopefully, most of you know that I have moved my blog over to Wordpress....I'm still learning and transitioning, but I think it's going to be a good thing!

I don't want to lose contact with anybody, so....

Here are all the ways to keep up with me if you feel the need-

Blog:
http://goteamjayne.wordpress.com

Email me:
gonzajayne@gmail.com

Facebook Me: www.facebook.com/CallMeJayne.

And?

You can follow me on Twitter: @CJayneGo

Thanks, guys!
Xoxo

Starting Over?

When you start blogging/tweeting/etc., it takes awhile to get into a good rhythm, to figure it all out and set up your internet life....it took me forfuckingever.

And just as I felt like I was really hitting my stride, life intervened.

If you read this blog regularly (as I know all of you DO, of course, ahem.), then you know that this spring/summer for us was kinda shitastic...

I shut down for a while and hid from life.
I went through the motions of day-to-day routines, but I wasn't all there.

I stopped blogging, I stopped tweeting, I stopped reading, I stopped connecting.

The longer I did it, the more guilty I felt.

So like a child, I just hid even deeper under the bed.

I felt like I had let people down.

There are people that will read this and think:

For fuck's sake, lady. It's JUST the internet.

Not for me.

These "silly" social media outlets have become a community of friends, a place of accountability, a form of therapy, and a challenge of authenticity.

I do indeed have a real life and real friends, outside of my web-self, but real life and real friendships happen on the these digital fields as well, sometimes even more so, if that makes any sense.

So by not keeping up with this part of my life, by not contributing to it, and to the people who are in it, I feel like I have been a poor friend, and an irresponsible blogger.

I'm sorry. I really am.


Trying to come back is proving harder than I thought...
but I'm working on it.


Depression has been a big factor, but I gave in and upped my dose, and am feeling much better.

Although I recieved a letter today that my Medi-Cal will terminate on the 20th.
Sigh.
Always something....

Our miscarriage is still haunting me a bit, and every time I get my period I tear up, but the pain is beginning to ease in it's own way...

All you can do is look forward, right?
 
Life is settling in that with Huz's new job we can finally pay our bills, but crazy in that his hours and travel have put us on on a whole new schedule.

O is two now (can you believe it?!), and is a wild thing.
He keeps me running from sun up to sundown...literally. And then some.

Highlights?

He's decided that everything in the household should be spread out on every inch of the floor, that the refrigerator is good place to just sit and chill (pun intended), has finally escaped from the confines of his crib, and sees a diaper change as guerrilla warfare.

It's a party.

He's so cute though, it's unreal. And smart.
Daddy and I don't stand a CHANCE.

Huzzy's job is going well, and we are slowly cleaning up some of our financial debris.
I say slowly because money keeps finding a way to fly out of our asses...

This week?
A computer monitor meltdown and a tire blow out.
Oh, mmmhmm. Joy.

STILL, we're getting a regular paycheck, which is nothing to shake a stick at....

We're hoping to move out of the in-laws house in the next 6 months or so.
It's time.
It's BEEN time.

We'll see if we can pull it off.
We pretty much feel like this is a "Hell-or-High-Water" kind of situation.

Have I ever mentioned that Southern CA is disgustingly expensive?
Yeah, about that...
Ugggh.

I've really missed you all.
I've missed sharing in your lives.
I've missed all this community brings to mine.

Thank you.

I hope I find my place again.

Comments, Questions, Complaints and Concerns.

I love getting comments. 

Lurrrrve it.

They help me to feel heard and dare I say it, validated.

When I see comments, I know I’m not just ranting on to myself…I have an audience!

You know, which is kinda nice.

Because your commentlovin’ is so important to me, I want to make sure I keep on top of it!

In an effort to more accurately track and answer comments, I installed Intense Debate.

Hooray! All my comment issues are gonna be solved! It’s like switching to Wordpress without ACTUALLY switching!

Yippppeeeeeeeee!

Yeah, like that.

Except not.

ID is fucking my shit all up.

One minute it works, one minute it doesn’t.

Comments are there, then gone. Poof!

On days it IS working, I will craft heartfelt responses, only to have them eaten by the abyss.

I have tried to troubleshoot, and I have tried to uninstall/reinstall, etc.

Over IT, kids. That’s what I am.

So I’m thinking of  uninstalling it, and calling it a damn day.

My apologies for anyone whom I haven’t answered back lately, it’s entirely likely I never got to see it, OR tried to answer, only to have it gobbled away.

Hmmmmmph.

I’m not  particularly happy with Blogger half the time either, but will get into that another day…

Now that I’ve bitched my little fit, I have some questions:

Do any of you ever wonder who actually reads your blog?

Do you ever wonder how many lurkers you have?

Do you ever wonder if there are people out there faithfully reading along, but never commenting?

Do you ever wonder if there are readers out there who hate your guts but read anyway?

Do you ever wonder why some blogs have 300 readers/comments and some blogs only have 3?

Do you ever wonder how in the hell Dooce does it?

Do you ever secretly hope that Ellen will read your blog, then decide that you just HAVE to be on her show, skyrocketing you to fame and fortune, AND a book deal?

Ummmmm….Yeah, me neither.

Pshhhhht.

Two-Timing.

Ain't as easy as you might think.

I've been here at Blogger for 2 years now.
We've had some rough spots, but for the most part, we've settled into a lovely routine...

But my eye was starting to wander.

Wordpress was lookin' kinda tempting....

I just wanted to flirt a bit. That's all.


But then I took it a step further.  Like you do....

I registered.
Started a page.
I IMPORTED.


It was getting hot and heavy....

I thought I was going to leave Blogger.  Pack up my wares and head for greener pastures.

WordPress' comment structure was enough to dizzy my head.

What's this? How do I navigate through here?  How do I keep all my subscriptions?  How do I set up all the widgets?  What about GFC????  

I'm am not tech/blog/computer savvy.
I may only have 39 followers, but damn it, I wanted to keep them.
I was in over my head.

So I chickened out.

And I'm back--happily nestled in the arms of blogger, once again.

I still have my blog up a WP too, because I can't  figure out how to take it down....

Sigh. 

I am so not cut out for blogging super-stardom.

Thanks for hanging in with me, you sexy 39!

Not an Edit, but a Revisit...

    I'm getting a cold....(I hope it's just a cold)

    Again.

    I immediately started panicking about having to go to the doctor.

    (no insurance=panic)

  It was making for kind of a Debbie-Downer kind of day.... 

Which reminded me of a post that had been nibbling at me: 

Remember my my post about Optimism?  Or, rather, my struggle with Optimism? 

I was not happy with the piece.  I didn't feel like I had articulated my feelings on the issue (my issues). 

From the second I hit "Publish," I was worried that people would read it and think that I was a really negative person....something I'm really not. 

I didn't take the post down, because it was where I was in that moment, and honestly?  I couldn't think of another way I wanted to address the post, so fuck it. 

But then I got an awesome comment of encouragement from my dear friend Andrea...Here's a snippet:

"...I think that if getting you through the day is to prepare for the worst and let optimism fly out the window, then more power to you. Seriously...."

I was so thankful for that.  I responded lengthily right.a-way.

 After reading my response to her comment a few times over, I realized that THAT was what I had been trying to say on the first go...

I was going to attempt to flesh that comment into its own post, but I'm feeling crappy and would rather watch a movie, so I'm just going to paste in (with a little bit of editing because this was originally typed via my iTouch) my response:

[Makes more sense, I think....?]

    "Yeah-Thanks so much for this comment! I really appreciate it. 

It's not optimism as a whole that I have a problem with, it's that 

"forced cheerfulness"  and "fantasyland optimism" that we seem to be forcing ourselves into as a society. 

Nothing is ever allowed to not be okay. 

Any time someone mentions how a portion or a time in life is hard, they are bombarded with reasons as to why it's "not that bad" and why the person should be happy. 

Planning for the possibility of hard times has become a character flaw. 

Acknowledging the toll that hardships take on you/your family has somehow been translated into ungratefulness. 

Rough times are turned into "blessings in disguise", disappointments become "lessons that needed to be learned",  disasters are not disastrous, but a healthy dose of "character-building"--and so on...

While I absolutely believe that you learn from the experiences in life, and need to look for the good in your life-not wallowing in negativity, I think we need to be a bit more realistic with ourselves. With each other.

Sometimes life is hard. 

Really fucking hard, and things don't always work out for the best. 

Most of life not going to just fall together happily in our laps. 

It takes work and planning and honesty about what lies ahead. 

And sometimes, even with all the planning or smiles in the world? 

It's not so positive. 

I wish that that could be talked about without the penalty of the label of Negative Nelly McUnappreciative Pants."

I am not a Negative Nelly McUnappreciative Pants.
But I'm not a Positive Polly McRainbowsandUnicorns Pants, either.

Does that make ANY sense?

This is where I get all asky...

Friends? Readers? Lurkers?

I'm trying to make changes over here at JPJ.
It's a bit of a slow-going process because I'm not tech/blog savvy at all and therefore, I'm kinda wingin' it.

Here's what I've done so far:

Imported posts from an old blog. They're important to the journey I took during my pregnancy, which is the sole reason I originally started this adventure.

I created an "About Me"  page. Don't expect too much, it's a work-in-progress.

I created a contact page. You can email me, and follow me on Twitter! Yay!

I also put up a page leading you all to my poetry blog.  I you get a chance, go peruse it. I'm trying to get back into that style of catharsis again. Not everyone likes poetry and I get that, but who knows, you might find something that flips your skirt.

This blog started as a pregnancy/mommy diary. It was never really meant for eyes other than those in my inner-circle. Who would care anyway, right?

But it's definitely morphed into something more.

As such-
I'm trying to push myself to be a bit more honest and vulnerable in my writing, as I mentioned in this post.
and I want this blog to reach more people.

I've gotten several emails from  strangers about how certain posts of mine helped them, validated them, touched them. Blew me away.  Me?  My quirky blog helped you in some way?


If I can help someone? I want to. TRULY.


So do me a favor...it's a big one....


Read through my blog.  From the beginning.


Get to know me. And tell your friends/readers to do so as well.
If you come across a post that speaks to you or of someone in your life, pass it on!
Bring others on OVER.


Email me, comment, ask questions.

Let's connect.



I'm really trying to do something with this blog....

What EXACTLY that something is, I haven't got a clue yet.

BUT I do know-

I have things to say. Experiences to share. Even encouraging/helping one person is worth it.
It's kind of a corny thing to say, but it's true. Think about the written words that have helped you out. 
I definitely have mine! I just want to return the favor!


Soooooo:

Read my little blog.
Tell others.
Pass it on!
Comment.
Email.
Connect!!


DO IT.  Pretty Please? Ha!

Suitable for Consumption

Remember when I gifted you all with this fantastical blog?

[If you haven't clicked your way into her world, you are MISSING OUT.]

Well, she has written a review of  my dinky-little-blog-that-could in her weekly  
"Featured Bloggers" post.
Do me a favor, and head on over to read it....Go! Go! Go! Ha!

Honestly? I'm floored by the inclusion.  It bought tears to my eyes and validation to my heart.

And I mean that in the most non-cheese ball way.

I respect her work so much, and each of the bloggers that she has featured thus far have been so diversely special.  To know that she respects me?  That she feels that I need to be shared with others?

Is fucking rad.
 
As of late, I've really tried to push myself with this blog.  I want to be honest. Of the brutal, reaching-out-to-others, staring-down-myself sort.  Not that I have ever lied in these pages, but I have omitted and sugar-coated form time-to-time.  I have censored myself, not saying things that needed to be said and/or not writing posts that should have been written because I was afraid.

of  Rejection

of Mocking

of Anger 

of Judgment  
of FAILURE

Afraid that I would not be believed, understood, or supported.
That no one would want to hear me.  Insecurity and Self-Doubt, reigning supreme...

Mostly, though?

I  was afraid of hearing MYSELF.  Of facing monsters that I've tried to hard to keep at bay.  Of opening up my stores of memories/pain/thoughts/perspective to the light of public view.  Because once I did that, I knew there would be no going back.  Nowhere to hide and pretend to be what I thought people might want.

But here I am.  I have crossed the threshold.

Thank you to all of you who've supported me thus far. I love you all.
Thank you to Kris over at PrettyAllTrue. A Million Times.
Thank you to the new readers who have/may stop on by. Please continue to do so, and feel free to pass me on to others. If you have a story to share, share away!



I will do my best to let you all in...


and let myself out.

Crushed.

I've got a lot of things weighing on my mind lately.
(Ya know, because that's new for me 'n stuff.)

Several of these things are topics I want to blog about.
Mostly as a catharsis for myself..in the hopes that if I get it out all on "paper,"  it'll stop eating at me...

Nightmares

Money Woes

Family Planning

Fear of failure on an all-consuming level

Ghosts of childhoods past

But those things will have to wait. O has a gnarly cold and given the amount of times he's hacked/sneezed in my face, I'll be quick to follow suit.

I'm excited, aren't you?

I know you're devastated that you can't read more of me, soooo, I bequeath* you with a gift:

This GLORIOUS Blog

I have a serious blog-crush on its author. It is one of the few blogs that I truly look forward to daily...

She's frank
Genuine
She's got a wicked sense of humor
She writes about love and joy and life and pain in a way that makes you feel like you're sharing in on her secrets, and you are honored to get the chance.
She's a wife and a mama....but do not mistake her for your traditional "Mommy Blog" 'cos you won't be getting any of those rainbows and gumdrops.

Readers are in for another kind of treat--delicious reality.  Mmmm....

She may not be everyone's cup O' Tea, but I adore her, and I think you should give it a sip.






*I am the only one who thinks that the word bequeath sounds a bit "off-color" when you say it aloud? No? Never mind then...

A Hundy! (OR, Hurtling Babies!)

100, that is.

This is my hundredth post.  Can you believe that? I've managed to warble on for THAT long? Wow.

I had planned on doing some sort of fun, retrospective-y post for the big 100, but the last few days have sucked.

I'm really trying to stay positive for 2011, but the outlook isn't lookin' sunshiney.

To top it off, O fell down the stairs today. I left him playing with his toy garage for less than 5 minutes to pee, and the next thing I know, I hear a tumble and WAIL. (he's fine, btw.)...

I go flying to see him crumpled on the landing and I immediately start to cry. My heart jumped to my throat. OH.MY.G-D.OH.MY.G-D.OHMYGAWDDDD!

Mostly the fall just scared/pissed him off, but it scared the SHIT out of me. Annd? I feel like the worst Mommy EVER.

Obviously, the barriers we've put up to block the stairs just aren't cutting it anymore.

My ILs were trying to avoid drilling into the walls all this time, which I understand, but the time has come- no more avoiding the inevitable...

The upstairs bonus landing and his room are the only real safe places to play in the house... 

Now, I feel like the landing isn't safe, but he hates just being in his room all day...grrrreaaaatttt...

but since my ILs are in FL for the next week, we'll have to wait 'til they get back for them to give the okay to install the gate, so in the meantime, O will be attached to my hip. 

This week? Gonna be awesome.

And by awesome, I mean NOTSOMUCH.

I'm waaaay behind!

How is it December? 
(I still need to complete my last TOP entry...sorry'boutTHAT.)

I've completely been dropping the ball on my blogging and tweeting...

Truth be told, Twitter intimidates me. It's so all-consuming. I feel like I can't keep up, and need a crackberry/iphone/smartphone/compuphone to just maintain...


No thank you.

I'm not going to delete the account. but I've given up the ghosty of being all tweet-pro.

As for my blog, I reaalllly wanted to try and do at least 1 short post a day, with at least 1 meatier one a week, but so far, that hasn't happened either...

This is partially because I feel like it's silly.

Who wants to hear from ME on a daily basis? Isn't that a bit indulgent?
My life revolves around Elmo and shoring the tides of laundry that flow through my life.
This is not thought-provoking content.

I'm just not feeling particularly interesting these days...

Side Note: Does any one else feel like they've gotten drastically less intelligent since they became a mother?

Or am I experiencing my own personally deserved intellectual decay?

The other day, I couldn't remember how to spell knowledgeable.

Really?!

I used to be an editor for CRYING OUT LOUD. Now I'm stumped by an elementary-school vocab word.

For Shaaaaame.


Moving swiftly along-

We bought a new car! Yay! Well, new to us. It is a pre-owned 2010 Chevy HHR.

Yes, it was going to be tough to add yet another bill to our pile, but the time had come, and the Jetta needed to be put out to pasture, so we decided to at least look...


And as luck would have it, we found the perfect car for us at a amazing deal. 
 After showing it to my FIL, who is very savvy about these things, and getting the thumbs up from him, we decided that we were gonna go for it!

We were terrified, but we needed to pull the trigger.

THEN, on the way to the dealership, my ILs call to tell us that they've decided what to give us for Christmas....

They TOTALLY helped us out in the down payment arena in a very generous (and-completely-unnecessary-but-we'll-TAKE-IT kind of ) way.

I was bawling and GRATEFUL and sorta unsure if we were being "Punk'd" or not....but we weren't, so we signed the papers and drove home in our Shiny NEEEEEW CAAAAAAAAR!

We love it. I LOVE it.

I hated my husband's old car. It had a lot of bad Juju for me.  As my dear Father-in-law put it so perfectly:

"I can't say I'm sad to see that see that Blue Bitch go..."
 (I truly heart my FIL)




Indeed.

So sure it's another bill, but it's WELL worth it.

Goodbye, Mika...
Helllllllllooooo Julius!

Happy Hanukkah AND Merry Christmas, my friends!


Ps. I need someone to come over and watch Christmas movies with me whilst eating sugary holiday treats.

My hubs is a little scroogey and won't participate.  He teases me about being a bad Jew. He's right, but whatever...I ADORE Christmas.

And I light a Menorah.  I might even make Latkes. While eating Peppermint Bark....





Who's with me?

Gimme Gimme Gimme some LOVIN'.

All the cool kids are doing it....

And by cool kids? I mean Andrea and Kacie. I strive to be as adorably cool as they are someday. Check them out!

Follow my blog with bloglovin

Dearest Readers, Can I ask a favor? As you may have noticed, I changed some things in my neck of the blog woods...I thought that my followers and links would make a smooth transition.

Based on some emails of confusion I've received since, it seems I was mistaken...

So could you take a sec to re-follow me at the new url digs and/or BlogLovin'?

http://goteamjayne.blogspot.com

Just Plain Jayne.

New Look, Same Great Sarcasm!

Telling you what to do!

(But in the nicest way...)

I have a million things I want to post about but I need to focus, so I limited myself to getting caught up on all the blogs I love.

I think you might love them too!


Here:
She's crafty, loves vintage, humorous, and seems like she'd be a lot of fun!

And here!
Comics, Husbands, common sense-what more do you need?

For others, roll on back to this post.

To all my Blendies--Thanks for keeping me entertained, and helping me to know that hey, I'm not as off the deep-end as I sometimes feel! Haha

I'm experiencing Technical Difficulties

How do you put links into your blogs? I'm not even sure if that's what you call them...

Example:

I posted about this last month, and it's coming back to me again.

What I want is for the word "this" to be a link to to an older post, a picture, or a website, etc.

Can someone explain to me how to do that?

(In your explanation, remember that I am mentally deficient when it comes to these sorts of things. Which is sad, yes, but true.)

To-Do List.

1. Blog tomorrow.

Owen is 5 months and I'm 29.

I need to blog it out, Kids.


In the interim:




What else do you need, really?

I miss blogging. And regular showers...

I can't ever seem to find the time to get on here anymore, and when I do, I want to read up on the comings/goings of my fellow bloggers...by then Owen is awake.

Owen will be 4-months-old on the 28th.

Whhhhhaaaaaaaat?

Didn't I just come home from the hospital?

It really feels like that half the time, and the other half feels like I've been doing this for nigh half a century.

He's such a sweet and beautiful boy.

Sometimes, I'm fairly certain that I will LOSE my mind b/c I love him so much, but I hear that this hanging-off-the-edge-of-sanity thing is totally normal for parents, so breathe a sigh of relief, Honey!

No single-parenting for you!

Ahem.

O is getting bigger by the minute, he smiles and laughs a lot, he desperately wants to stand, sit up, roll over, drive a car, shave, etc., but doesn't seem to get that he's a little young still...

This results in a very pissed off little boy from time to time!

(is it wrong that I find it funny?)

He also babbles ALL THE TIME. He's a little chatty Kathy. It's pretty much the cutest of cute, except for when he wants to do it at 2 in the morning....

He sleeps about 6-7 hour blocks a night, and has been doing so for the last month and a half, which is like HEAVEN!

We finally had to take him out of our bed and put him into a play-yard on Tuesday night, because he's so active that we were afraid co-sleeping was becoming unsafe.

We thought we were in for a long night of tears...

And we were, except the tears were mine.

He was just peachy. He loves his new bed!

Speaking of which, I can hear Talky McBlab-Blab has awoken from his nap....

Reading: Check!

Okay, So I've gotten all caught up on everyone's blogs! I didn't have the chance to comment on all of them, and for that, I'm sorry.

Owen is still knocked out, but that kid goes from coma to wide-eyed in a SECOND.

I still need to do a kind of "resolutions/reflections blog, but that will have to wait...maybe tonight when the husband gets home and little man is put to bed.

That is, if I can stay awake. Ha.

In the interim, Here are some blogs that you should give a whirl:

http://whisperingwriter.blogspot.com/ (She's hysterical)

http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/ (Thank the gods I don't talk in my sleep in English most of the time, or this could be me...)

http://wewhiskaway.blogspot.com/ (Food! Who doesn't love food?)

http://bigmikesmovieblog.blogspot.com/ (The movies you should be watching and why)

Read! Enjoy!


He Stirs!!!!

Holy CRAP, I'm behind!

Ummmm yeah.

I have a lot of reading to do.

A lot of POSTING to do as well.


THERE'S JUST NO TIME!!!


Happy New Year, friends!

I will return to you someday.

AmniooooOH BOY.

I had my amnio today.

My darling son would NOT STOP MOVING, so they had to manuever that ginormous needle around him....while plunged into my belly.

Translation?

Pain. Labor Contractions. WOAH.

So after being admitted, hooked up to a monitor, and my uterus calming down, I was finally sent home.

As they were discharging me, I got the results of the amnio...

Owen's lungs are mature and raring to breathe. He is also 10 lbs.

The nurses kept calling him the "Wild Child" because he wouldn't stay still to be monitored, and if they pushed too hard on my belly, he started kicking.

FANtasTIC.

I'm going to give birth to a 10 lb Tasmanian Devil.


(If you listen closely, you can hear faint guffawing from the sky)

While on the topic of my little monster--


I've started a picture blog to document the coming awesomeness that is our son.

BEHOLD:

http://lookathowcuteiam.blogspot.com


Check it out! I hope the blog will be a great place for our friends and family to check out pictures of Owen as they come...which they will in DROVES, I'm sure!

Please Note--

Owen's pictoblog will not be connected to this blog.

Becaaaaaause, this blog contains language and situations that may not be suitable for grandparents...or great-grandparents, etc.


Okay, well that's it for the moment!


Oh, wait. One more thing....

Owen will be here on WEDNESDAY.

!!!!!!