Starting Over?

When you start blogging/tweeting/etc., it takes awhile to get into a good rhythm, to figure it all out and set up your internet life....it took me forfuckingever.

And just as I felt like I was really hitting my stride, life intervened.

If you read this blog regularly (as I know all of you DO, of course, ahem.), then you know that this spring/summer for us was kinda shitastic...

I shut down for a while and hid from life.
I went through the motions of day-to-day routines, but I wasn't all there.

I stopped blogging, I stopped tweeting, I stopped reading, I stopped connecting.

The longer I did it, the more guilty I felt.

So like a child, I just hid even deeper under the bed.

I felt like I had let people down.

There are people that will read this and think:

For fuck's sake, lady. It's JUST the internet.

Not for me.

These "silly" social media outlets have become a community of friends, a place of accountability, a form of therapy, and a challenge of authenticity.

I do indeed have a real life and real friends, outside of my web-self, but real life and real friendships happen on the these digital fields as well, sometimes even more so, if that makes any sense.

So by not keeping up with this part of my life, by not contributing to it, and to the people who are in it, I feel like I have been a poor friend, and an irresponsible blogger.

I'm sorry. I really am.


Trying to come back is proving harder than I thought...
but I'm working on it.


Depression has been a big factor, but I gave in and upped my dose, and am feeling much better.

Although I recieved a letter today that my Medi-Cal will terminate on the 20th.
Sigh.
Always something....

Our miscarriage is still haunting me a bit, and every time I get my period I tear up, but the pain is beginning to ease in it's own way...

All you can do is look forward, right?
 
Life is settling in that with Huz's new job we can finally pay our bills, but crazy in that his hours and travel have put us on on a whole new schedule.

O is two now (can you believe it?!), and is a wild thing.
He keeps me running from sun up to sundown...literally. And then some.

Highlights?

He's decided that everything in the household should be spread out on every inch of the floor, that the refrigerator is good place to just sit and chill (pun intended), has finally escaped from the confines of his crib, and sees a diaper change as guerrilla warfare.

It's a party.

He's so cute though, it's unreal. And smart.
Daddy and I don't stand a CHANCE.

Huzzy's job is going well, and we are slowly cleaning up some of our financial debris.
I say slowly because money keeps finding a way to fly out of our asses...

This week?
A computer monitor meltdown and a tire blow out.
Oh, mmmhmm. Joy.

STILL, we're getting a regular paycheck, which is nothing to shake a stick at....

We're hoping to move out of the in-laws house in the next 6 months or so.
It's time.
It's BEEN time.

We'll see if we can pull it off.
We pretty much feel like this is a "Hell-or-High-Water" kind of situation.

Have I ever mentioned that Southern CA is disgustingly expensive?
Yeah, about that...
Ugggh.

I've really missed you all.
I've missed sharing in your lives.
I've missed all this community brings to mine.

Thank you.

I hope I find my place again.

Jaaaaay! Ohhhhh! Beeeeeeeee!

Huz got the job!
I'm so excited, you'd think I got the job or something...psssht!

He starts on the 19th.

To celebrate, we had lunch at Jack in the Box.
(I know, living the dreeeeaaaam.....)

We're both nervous though, as this is a very different position for him, as it is ALL sales.
He's had sales jobs before, but this takes it to a different level.

We were kinda skeptical about sales jobs in the beginning, because we've both experienced the seedier side of sales, and the hell that is working for commission-only....shudder...


BUT, this company is reputable, established and is NOT comm-only.

Pay is salaried plus commission, so we can live with that.
Also? The base pay is more than he was making before and they offer benefits.
Yippee!

He gets a gas stipend, work laptop/phone (a smart one, even!) too!. 
Faaaaancy.

He'll be working much longer hours than he was before, like 60 hrs a week (but as we all know, it's hard to get anywhere career-wise working only 40)  and for the first 30 to 90 days he'll have to commute from Rancho to Burbank every day....kinda gross, right?

But, hey! It's a paycheck! A glorious, steady paycheck!

Still, it'll be a tough transition. For all of us.
Especially with Huz having been home for the last 4 months.

We will adjust though (like you do), and be fine, I'm sure.
 Please keep us in your thoughts as we do all this easy-breezy adjusting though, kay? Thanks!

We are over-the-freaking-moon...
Hopeful that maybe this will be the start of some good things for our family.
We could really use some good things...

HUGE THANKS to all of you who've cheered us on, sent us job links, and were generally awesome in our lives! It means a lot, and your support is invaluable!

Much love!