Annnd, The Kitchen Sink.

Where have I been lately?

I'm not sure.

How am I doing?

Not sure about that either.

I've just been at home, mostly.

Cleaning.
Organizing.
Sorting.
Purging.

As if my life depended on it.
I think maybe it did, actually....

We had family come visit from TX and then we had more family visit from WV.

It was good to see them--to channel all of my focus into the craziness that goes along with prepping for house-guests.

With everything clean and no more guests on the docket until Christmas, I'm kinda at a loss as to what to do with myself.

I don't want to be sad and depressed, but I am.

Some days, I think that I'm doing great, but then if I stop and take in the quiet, I know that I'm not.

Whenever I pass a pregnant belly, I feel the distinct barrenness of my own. 


Doesn't that sound so tragically melodramatic?
Uggh. It sooooo does.
But there really isn't an apter way to describe it.

This was the most drawn-out miscarriage I've had yet.
Awesome, I know.

I just. kept. bleeding.
My hormone levels would NOT go down.

To say that it sucked would be missing the point entirely.

I wasn't in the clear until about 2 weeks ago...
I'm so glad it's fucking over.

In related, news, I think I need to up the dosage on my meds...

Sigh.


The Huz is still unemployed, and we've had to do all kinds of battle with unemployment--to the degree that we have a court hearing with them on the 14th, BUT, he had a very positive interview yesterday, and he'll have his final interview with the company next week, so we've got our fingers crossed extra tight.

My little baby is almost 2.
WTF, people?
Isn't my section scar still healing?

How did this happen?
Yes, I want him to grow up and develop healthily and blah, blah, blah, but 2? Already?
It's almost too much.

He says his ABCs and their phonetic sounds, he counts to 10 forward and backwards (we've almost got 11-20 down), he knows his letters and numbers in and out of context, he's pretty much got all his basic colors, and if you ask him his name he spells it out for you. His vocab has finally exploded, and he says about 100 words.
But his most phenomenal development?

He says Mama! 
Loudly and with glee!

Yes. I'm being proud and braggy.
No. I am not sorry.
Ha!

I'm taking the easy way out on his birthday party this year and having it somewhere else, where they provide everything.  He loves it there, so I don't feel guilty about it.

We're having his party early too, because of my IL's travel schedule, so I need to start working on invites...
Yikes.

The Huz and I are trying to come up with a solid 5 year plan, but so far it's still just a title on the chalkboard.
I don't know if y'all knew this, but as it turns out, 5 year plans require funding....a baseline budget to formulate said plan around.

Who'da thunk, huh?

Since we can't do much more than we're already doing about that, we're trying to channel our energies into more procreative, errr, I mean productive activities by trying to revive our deathbed of a sex life.

If you would have told me when we first started  our sex life together that by the time we hit 30 it would be all kinds of  flat-lining, I would have laughed at you.

Sure, things may slow a bit, but dead?
Nay!

But then things like living with your ILs and crumbling economics and children and miscarriages and stress come into play....

All of the sudden, the only reason you'd blow someone is if they agreed put away the laundry and take the baby for the day so you could nap, and even then you're not so sure because no one puts the laundry away correctly but you anyhow...

Am I right?

I sooooo am, kids. Take heed, young'uns!


It's hard getting back into sexy mode.
I am not sexy.
I am exhausted and covered in applesauce.

My husband is stressed and his shoulder hurts from wrestling with O.

Passionate Naked Time, this does not make.

But we are trying to work it!!

We used to be hot, damn it!
(Well, my hubs is still pretty sexy, actually.)


In an effort to be a team player, I even put my barbells in.
I took them out when O was born because I wanted to breastfeed, but we all remember how WELL that went....

You should have seen my DH's face.
It was like a kid on Christmas morning.

Thank G-d love is blind.

Also?

I'm thinking about getting bangs.


What? 

I like to end on a thoughtful note....

Bangs? Yea or Nay? And have you ever seen such an ADORABLE genius? I think not!

I didn't catch the worm necessarily, but...

I caught something.

My stomach has been killing me since Saturday.

This has made for a less-than-productive week so far....

Last week, though?

Was pretty great.

The self-imposed schedule worked out in all its type-A splendor.

I got up early, I showered, I. got. shit. DONE.

Getting up that early kicked my ass, but it was kinda worth it just to feel so accomplished at the end of the day ANNNNND be dressed!

I felt like a whole new world was being opened up to me!

Then Saturday's gut-rot hit, and I started to fall sorely behind.


Crap! Can't lose this momentum already....

Today, I was determined to get back on schedule!! If I publish this post, I will be. Squee! (it's the little things)


However, My husband is determined to thwart my new early-rising lifestyle change....

He doesn't want me to get up at the Dawn of Man.
He wants me to sleep as much as possible.
My health, my CFS, blah, blah, blah....

He's loving, and sweet, and concerned, but he is also annoying.
He turns my alarm off!

I have tried to explain the method to my madness, but he says that I am just being stubborn.
I say that I'm just trying to stay SANE.

He may not care about squalor and mountain ranges of laundry, but I do!

And while he is an amazing husband in many respects, his organizational/housekeeping skills are not among the top ten....or twenty, really....

Sigh.

We need to find a compromise, or our son needs to take daily  4 hour naps.

Not sure either will happen.

I need to go to bed.

That Dawn of Man approaches far more quickly than one might think.
If my alarm stays on, that is.

Things are only slightly different.

In honor of Mother's Day, I got to thinking about how much my son has changed my life...

It's beyond amazing. I love him so much, it sometimes hurts. Does anyone else experience that? It's a capacity that astounds me everyday.

He's made me a gentler, happier person. He's just awesome that way.

Other things have changed too.

I used to have at-home spa nights for myself.

Now?

I keep cleansing wipes by the toilet so I can run one over my face when I get a chance to pee.

[Speaking of which, I now know how to do with someone on my lap, and I usually pee with the door open--no shame.}

I used to enjoy long, hot showers and deep conditioning treatments.

Now?

I sometimes can't remember when was the last time I showered and I find myself wondering if my husband would really mind if I started using his Old Spice all-in-one hair/body wash for expediency.

I used to enjoy my meals, remembering to eat slowly, engaging in conversation.

Now?

I shovel it in like it's trying to run away from me. You never know when that window of opportunity might close. Eat fast, or don't eat.

I used to keep up on politics and current events.

Now?

Burt and Ernie's arguments over whether it's fun to sing or not is about as political as I get, and I'm lucky if I know what day it is.

I used to wear perfume and lipstick.

Now?

I smell like spit up and am covered in slobber. It's a good look.


I used to think: Sex? Why not? I'm on it! (No pun intended)

Now?

Sex? Why? I'm tired!
(Sorry, Honey.)


I used to roll out of bed at noon whenever given the chance and luxuriate in our big bed.

Now?

I wake up to the cutest toothless grin you've ever seen, and am continually surprised at the ability his tiny body has to take up a king-sized bed.

I wouldn't go back to my old life for a second (Okaaay, so maybe for 30 minutes. I miss having groomed eyebrows and exfoliating!)! All the sleepless nights, slobbery messes and stretch marks are worth it in such a profound way, I don't think it can be explained.

Being a Mommy has been a dream and life-goal of mine forever and having it come true has not disappointed.

I'm pretty sure my other dream of international pop-stardom would have.

[No joke, Career Day as a kid, I wanted to be Tiffany. Did anyone see her ungodly turn as an "actress" on SyFy? No? Just me? It's just as well.}

I miss blogging. And regular showers...

I can't ever seem to find the time to get on here anymore, and when I do, I want to read up on the comings/goings of my fellow bloggers...by then Owen is awake.

Owen will be 4-months-old on the 28th.

Whhhhhaaaaaaaat?

Didn't I just come home from the hospital?

It really feels like that half the time, and the other half feels like I've been doing this for nigh half a century.

He's such a sweet and beautiful boy.

Sometimes, I'm fairly certain that I will LOSE my mind b/c I love him so much, but I hear that this hanging-off-the-edge-of-sanity thing is totally normal for parents, so breathe a sigh of relief, Honey!

No single-parenting for you!

Ahem.

O is getting bigger by the minute, he smiles and laughs a lot, he desperately wants to stand, sit up, roll over, drive a car, shave, etc., but doesn't seem to get that he's a little young still...

This results in a very pissed off little boy from time to time!

(is it wrong that I find it funny?)

He also babbles ALL THE TIME. He's a little chatty Kathy. It's pretty much the cutest of cute, except for when he wants to do it at 2 in the morning....

He sleeps about 6-7 hour blocks a night, and has been doing so for the last month and a half, which is like HEAVEN!

We finally had to take him out of our bed and put him into a play-yard on Tuesday night, because he's so active that we were afraid co-sleeping was becoming unsafe.

We thought we were in for a long night of tears...

And we were, except the tears were mine.

He was just peachy. He loves his new bed!

Speaking of which, I can hear Talky McBlab-Blab has awoken from his nap....