Excused Absences.

So I haven't posted in over two weeks.
Yeesh.

I also haven't really been on the internet in over two weeks.
BIG YEESH.

Email, twitter, and blogs are often what make me feel sane and connected.
(and nope, I don't wanna know if you think that's sad.)


I have missed connecting and reading along with you all.

Where have I been?

It all started with a wedding...
Our good friend's brother was getting married, and because we knew they were on an almost non-existent budget, we offered to do their photos.

It was busy and HOT and stressful, but it was also beautiful and loving and perfect in its own way.

That was June 24th-25th.

I woke up on the 26th with a nasty cold.

I started taking the usual over-the-counter meds, drinking orange juice and sleeping.
and just kept getting worse....

But there was work to do!

I was feverishly trying to work through all the shots from the wedding, edit and put together an album so that I could get it and cds of the raw material to them as quickly as possible...

By the Friday before 4th of July, it was clear that I needed something stronger than Tropicana with a Tussin chaser.

Made an appt. with the doctor, since we now have Medi-Cal.

I go, and it's quickly ascertained that I have a respiratory infection.
But what ELSE do we ascertain?

That I'm PREGNANT.

Mmmmhmmm. Yep. Pregnant.

Well, THAT was unexpected.
I thought that birth control and I had an agreement.
Guess not so much.

I mean, YAAAAAY, a baby, but HOLLLLLY FUCK, my Huz hasn't got a job.

So far our searching hasn't yielded jack nor shit, but we ARE supposed to start getting unemployment next week, so that's a positive....

Of COURSE we want another child, but NOW?
It was a mixed bag of pure joy and utter terror...ha!

My husby was amazing.
Shocked, but happy and supportive. All the things you hope for.
My in-laws have also been amazing.
They are obviously stressed out and worried for us, but they are great.
I am so lucky to have them.

Then this Wednesday, I started cramping/bleeding.
My OB sent me to the ER.

My heart is sinking....

They ran blood work and did an ultrasound.

My pregnancy hormone levels are right where they should be, and they estimated that I was just about 5 weeks, which is really too early to get an accurate US, but there is a concern that the pregnancy is ectopic, because they found a cyst on one of my ovaries, and it needs to be confirmed that it's JUST a cyst-- not an implantation site.

The way I understand it, my hormone levels should be doubling every 2 days over the next couple of weeks, so if it does, that's a great sign, and they will do another US at 7-8 weeks.

If my hormones stagnate or plummet, than the pregnancy is not viable and they will take surgical action from there.

I had my second blood draw on Friday.
I find out the results on Monday.

I'm trying to keep a calm and brave face, but I'm really scared.

Despite our external circumstances, I want this baby so badly.

All of those "obstacles" have been pushed aside. 
All that matters now is that this is a healthy, normal pregnancy.

I don't want a 3rd miscarriage or and ectopic pregnancy.
I don't want someone to tell me that my child isn't "viable."

I'm trying to take solace in the fact that from what I've researched, ectopic pregnancies are rare AND, other than Wednesday, there hasn't been anymore cramping or bleeding.

They have me on bed rest until things are figured out.

I just want to celebrate, but I'm so scared.
I don't want my heart to be broken again.

Your support, love, prayers, crossed fingers, etc. would be and are, so appreciated.
I definitely need them that's for sure.

I will update as I know more.
Meanwhile, I'm just trying to hold on to hope.

Much Love.

I'm Pregnant! Wait...WHAT?

It all started with intention of going to the doctor for an annual pap exam. Last Tuesday. March 3rd, to be exact.

I arrived on time and filled out the appropriate paperwork. Then they called me back and asked me to pee in a cup, you know, like you do...

As I sit in the waiting room waiting for the gynecologist to come in and the torture to begin, my thoughts are not even remotely on pregnancy or conception of any kind. This will change in a matter of seconds...

So all of the sudden a nurse pops in. She looks at me and says: "So your pregnancy test came back positive...."

(It did?! WHAT pregnancy test? I'm sorry, are you speaking English? Condoms LIE!)

I immediately burst into tears.

Don't get me wrong, I love children and I have always wanted to be a mother, but we've pretty much been kicked the shit out of by this current economy, so great timing this is not.

But timing aside, my husband and I would do nothing other other than keep any child that came our way, so after assuring them that I didn't need info about abortion OR adoption services, I called my best friend who talked me down from the panic attack I was having, and then called my husband to inform him of his newly appointed daddyhood.

(And by the way, they wouldn't even give me the pap exam. They said that I needed to schedule a prenatal appointment with an OBGYN.)


So, it's official: I'm pregnant. NOW WHAT?