Sunday, May 3, 2009

Pregnancy is a pain in the ass.

I know. I KNOW. How dare I, right? I feel guilty for even typing it, let alone THINKING it....

but it IS. It's a pain in the ass.

There's the mind-numbing fatigue, the complete loss of your previous abilities to focus, remember and/or retain information, there's the copious amount of vomiting, plus gas and heartburn. And don't forget the peeing. ALWAYS peeing.

(I'll save the skin and bodily changes for my next post....Oooh, something to look forward to!)

I am so tired, that all I do is sleep.

Women who work/go to school while pregnant are now my new superheroes. I don't know how they do it! They deserve medals and parades.

The other day, it took me six hours just to get dressed, write an email, and put away 3 baskets of laundry. 6 HOURS, people. I don't have other children or a job, that was all I did all day...

And I was exhausted!

I have also become dumber. I can't remember how to spell things, I have difficulty paying attention, My husband has to repeat himself, it's a mess.

Oh, and the vomiting: There's no "glow," just shades of green and broken blood vessels all around my eyes and across the bridge of my nose. Food is the enemy and I've gotten to the point where I'm slightly afraid to eat. I've started picking foods based on their ease of regurgitation.

Gross, but totally true.

Next, we have gas and heartburn--

With the way I've been belching and farting, you'd think I was a trucker! My favorite part? I seem to have no control over any of it. I'll open my mouth to speak, and instead, out comes a loud rumbly burp. In the middle of a quiet restaurant, no less.

It's 3:30am and I'm wide awake with heartburn and and stomachache. Damn Italian.

Finally, there's the peeing. I probably pee every fifteen minutes. Going an hour between bathroom breaks is like marathon status.

If I cough too hard, I pee a little.
If I throw up, it's a sure bet that I will pee.
Good sneeze? It's over!

So I've started wearing pads 24/7...and it's early in my pregnancy still. By the end, I'm going to have to drop all pretenses of dignity and just give into Depends. Shudder!

Pain in the ASS, I tell you!

But that's okay. I'd go through all of this tenfold to have our baby.

It's always been said that you have to work hard for what you really want, so armed with my super absorbent pads, my prenatal vitamins and my chuck bucket, I say:


That, however, does not mean that I won't bitch about it from time to time, no matter how grateful I may be for this opportunity.

I'm sorry, but peeing your pants while puking your guts out is  like salt in the wounds....just mean!


Elizabeth said...

It was about 10 billion times easier working full-time at the library and being pregnant than being a stay-at-home mom with a 2-year-old and being pregnant (even taking into account puking in the library bathroom). This has contributed to our decision to stop at 2, since I can't imagine being pregnant and having TWO little kids to care for! You have my utmost sympathy/empathy.

Kat said...

When I was pregnant with Chloe, I realized that there was only one position in which I didn't pee my pants while vomiting...standing straight up over the bowl and simply leaning my head over...squatting was NOT an option, especially at work. I swear pregnancy was meant to be enjoyed yet, also INCREDIBLY HUMBLING.

Kat said...

Maybe this is TMI, but Serena got so used to watching me puke with Chloe, that when she got the stomach flu all she did was go to the bathroom, throw up in the toilet, walk out calmly and say "Mom I throwed up again."
I'd ask if she was ok, and she'd say "yeah" and walk back in her room and watch tv. WHAT 4 YEAR OLD DOES THAT????

So maybe morning sickness can be educational as well as fun for the whole family!

JayneSees said...

Kat-That's crazy! She's like: "It's okay Mom, I GOT this."

I suppose watching you do it all the time and still carry on with your day made it less traumatic. What a trooper!

Erin said...

Wow, the things that don't get told about pregnancy! I guess that moment of holding your child for the first time and looking up at your husband just takes all those memories and erases them instantly. Guess it also makes you happy its not you when the peeing/pooping/vomiting starts coming out of something else rather than yourself!

Hang in there!

JayneSees said...

Erin-Haha! It's so true! I've heard tell of women who have had blissful pregnancies, I just don't know any of them...but if OK and People magazine is anything to go by, they are out there, in all of their easy, breezy, beautiful ways! Haha. But I think your right about those first moments. It makes everything else disappear! I can't wait!