Thursday, August 27, 2009

Did I say "Tired and Fat?" No, I TOTALLY meant "Blissful and Womanly." Really!

No I didn't. I'm a liar.

What I meant to say was: EXHAUSTED and GINORMOUS.

And, And, ANDDDD....

I'd really like to have control of my bladder back.

But that's not what people want to hear when they ask how you are doing in your pregnancy.

Because if I told them that my feet are painfully swollen, that I have menopausal-level hot flashes, that my back and hips are in so much pain it feels like they're trying to secede from the union that is my skeletal system, and peeing my pants is becoming a daily occurrence--that thing will happen where their eyes sorta glaze over and that polite smile crosses their face....

Uh Oh. I've lost them and have now entered that awkward territory.

You know the one, that place where the person you just said that to tries to then reassure you that you will love being a mother and love your baby?

For Pete's sake!

Of course I will love being a mother! Of COURSE of will love my baby! I already do!

I'm ECSTATIC to be pregnant, I'm just having a rough time with some of the "side effects," if you will.

So I smile and jokingly say "tired and fat"...hee hee!

I thought this was safe. Humourous, light, not a lie, but not the full story--you know, keepin' it casual....

Until I said it to one of my MILs friends while were were having lunch.

This was her response:

"Oh, honey, you don't know the half of it. This is the easy part!" "Just enjoy it, because your next pregnancy will never be as easy as your first, especially with another little one running around, so appreciate this magical time, because you NEVER get to have a first pregnancy again."

Well, shit.

Now, I feel like an asshole for not appreciating my pregnancy enough, AND you've completely terrified me about having a second child.


Pass the butter. I'll stuff down my fears with carbs for the time-being.

Soooo nice to see you, btw. So nice.


Monday, August 24, 2009

Too Much Good(?) Stuff....

Owen is getting closer to being here EVERYDAY. That is an amazing thing, but also a terrifying thing! I feel so unprepared!

I know.

"You can never really be prepared to be a parent."
I heard it eleventy million times, and I'm sure it's true....

I just want to go into the eye of the storm more organized!

There's so much stuff that we need to do! And my goal is to have it all done BEFORE the first baby shower which is in 3 weeks.

Originally, when we thought that we would have the guest room as Owen's nursery, it was like, okay: all we really have to do is clean out the closet and the dresser, reposition some things, and pretty much wait until the first shower. After that, things can be put together and assembled.

In the meantime, anything we get for Owen, we'll just store in the room...GAME SET GO!

Well, it didn't end up working out that way, so when we realized that the baby would be bunking with us, we had to rethink things. Quickly, we realized that nursery furniture was going to be a no-go (ie. a changing table/crib set up, as there was no room, so we looked for smaller, more portable options.

Eventually, after research and much debate, we decided that Owen would just sleep in bed with us. Space saving AND good for nursing, right?!

Okay, maybe not soooo space saving...we ended up needing to buy a bigger bed. Haha.

So on to the changing table/Clothing storage dilemma:

We decided to just buy a large adult dresser with a top surface wide enough to put a changing pad, and enough drawers to hopefully hold Owen's hordes of clothing (Not EVEN born yet, and he has more than I do!). Another amazing plan of practicality!

Now, we just needed to find the right dresser and a place to put it....


So my in-laws have this landing space that separates the master suite from the other bedrooms upstairs. The previous owners used it (I think) for like a game area, with a pool table, but the ILs kinda have it staged as like a sitting area, with My FIL's drum set in the corner.

Well, nobody really sits up there and my poor FIL is just too freakin' busy to do much jamming these days, so the Mister and I thought that we should figure out a way to use that prime real estate. Thankfully, we got the go ahead.

The plan is to to take down the drums (Sorry, Pops), move the couch that's in the sitting area into our little living room space (our Klippan is on its deathbed), move out our desk and computer/file drawers/etc. to the landing, and put the new dresser for the baby on the wall where the computer stuff was in our room.

This will hopefully allow us to get a bit more organized.

The only problem, is that since it is not our house or our stuff, we can't get to shifting until the ILs clear out the furniture that needs to be relocated. Once they finally have some time to move the stuff off the landing, we can set up the dresser, and get all of Owen's gifted clothes put away, clearing them out of the guest room-- which I know will make my MIL happy.

And it will make me extremely happy. I need to feel like progress is being made before I lose my mind.

I just know that the space issue is going to get MUCH worse after the showers because of all the the stuff that people a going to (thankfully!) rain down upon us...because of that, I want our living space to be as situated and organized as possible beforehand.

With everything organized and all the major pieces of furniture in place, it will help us to see exactly what kind of space (or lack thereof) that we're working with, and where to put things in the most functional manner.

While little components may change with Owen's needs and routines, but for the most part, there's not a whole lot of wiggle room in terms of how our living area can be set up because of the structure of the rooms, so much will stay the same no matter what.

So WHY NOT get it done now?

In addition to our Feng Shui-esque madness, the month of September is going to be kinda insane for us, and I'm getting more barge-like as the hours pass.

We have the maternity open house at the hospital
We have shower # 1
We start lamaze classes every Wednesday
We have a infant cpr class
We have maternity photos scheduled
and, a parenting class

Woah. All good and necessary things, but it makes me tired just listing it! Haha.

We also still need to lock down an insurance policy and draft the will. Ay!

I need a measure of sanity in all of this!

Note: In my world, Sanity=Cleanliness and Organization

3 weeks and counting 'til Baby Shower Part One, folks!

Ohhhhh, how I hope!

PS. My hubby just called. From a coworker's cell. Why? He's lost his phone.

SWEEEEEEET. More money flying out of our ass!

In that vein, I don't think it's fair that EVEN though you have phone insurances that you pay for every month, they still make you fork over $50 plus tax for a new one. Ladrones!

It all works out, it all works out, it all works out, it all works out, it all wo....

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A bunch of a lotta things. And then more.

Note: I started this blog yesterday

I try to keep these posts as cohesive as possible, so that I don't ramble like a lunatic, but there's a ton of thoughts and emotions swimming around in the ol' noodle today, So we'll see what happens...

Maybe I'll break this up into two posts. I'm not sure if I can tie everything together.


Life is so freaking unpredictable, fragile, unknown, what-have-you.

I sit here 7 months pregnant, so in love with my son it HURTS.

8 months ago, I was seriously trying to wrap my head around not having children entirely.


A girl I know (I guess I shouldn't say girl, she is only 4 or 5 years younger than me), just found out that she is pregnant, and has elected to have an abortion. This just absolutely breaks my heart. As liberal as I am, I do not believe in abortion. I don't support banning it either. Politically, that is all I will say.

This is personal to me, and my heart, but do I have the right to say what choices other women should make? No, probably not. That doesn't meant that I don't wish that they would make different ones.

This is technically my third pregnancy. The first one was as the result of a sexual assault. While a lot of people would have totally understood if I decided not to keep it, that was never an option for me. Unfortunately, at a little past 3 months, I miscarried. I was devastated. Years later, it still hurts. The next one, was mercifully lost early rather than later, at about 6-7 weeks, but again, I mourn for that child as well.

Even though they were not even close to term, to me, they were already mine.

There are those who make the distinction between an "embryo" and a "fetus".

I'm not saying that is right or wrong, but for me, there is no such line.

From the moment I found out I was pregnant each time, it was my baby, my child.

I cannot fathom letting any one of them go willfully. Everyday that my that my son grows, the more I am reminded of what I lost, what could have been, and how awe-inspiring this whole process is....

{It was at this point that I had to stop writing last night, because I just LOST IT}


She's scheduled to have the abortion today. My heart is just sick. I'm not judging her, I just feel so sorry for her. Disappointed that she feels like this is her only or best option.

It's terrifying, being pregnant and alone. There is the instinct to want to make it all go away, but it doesn't. Having never had an abortion, I can't really say that with any absolute authority, but every woman I know that has had one (and sadly, I've known several)has regretted it, and spent the rest of their lives being haunted by it.

I still carry a lot of guilt for the miscarriages, so I can't imagine what it's like to be on that other side.

I hope she changes her mind. Perhaps that is selfishness on my part, but I just can't help but think of all of the people in my life who a desperately trying to have children, and how many more families out there who are trying to adopt, and it just seems so needless.

But life is never simple is it?

She will do what she feels is the right thing, and it's not my call.

And I better just end it here. I'm getting all weepy again.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

This is going to be one of those "Did she REALLY just share that?" posts...

So I had my 6 month visit with the Obgyn today.

Technically, I'm at 26 weeks, not 24, but whatever.

But on that note, my fundal measurement (the length from the top of your uterus to your pubic bone) is measuring at 28 weeks, so Owen could be here early.

Which is what I've been saying all ALONG, but my Doc keeps shooting that down...WHAT DOES HE KNOW? He's just the doctor. Ha.

I also gained 6 lbs since my appointment last month. I'm only supposed to gain 3-4 lbs a month, so I felt pretty behemoth (don't even get me started on the TOTAL number, yiiikes), but since I was still negative 3 lbs from my starting weight at the previous visit, I'd technically only gained 3 lbs.

He was happy with this, I was not.

I'm afraid the weight is going to start snowballing in these last 3 months.

I've heard that happening to a lot of pregnant women and it scares me.

Not from a vanity standpoint, but a health one.

I did not start this pregnancy a small girl, and even though I'd SWORN to myself that I would lose all the weight I gained after the rape before I got pregnant....

the intervening 5 years has taught me that A. life never goes according to plan, and B. 100 lbs is WAAAAAY easier to gain than it is to lose.

Obviously, being overweight is not ideal, pregnant or not, so the concept of adding 20-a gazillion lbs to that is scary, but I mostly worry about it in terms of things like gestational diabetes, and healthy labor and delivery. In 3 weeks, I'll have my glucose test, so I'm even more nervous.

I know, I just have to be careful, and I can't beat myself up, but I can't help it sometimes....

All that being said, Owen is doing great, so I should just shut up and be grateful!

On to the TMI portion of our program.....

I'm pretty sure that at this point, my vagina hates me.
I'm thinking it's because she knows of the battle that lies ahead, and is none-too-pleased about it.

I can't be sure of this of course, but all I know is that from the day I got pregnant, I have had nothing but issues in the "lady business" area.

Bladder infections, yeast infections, urinary tract....ay yai yai! It's like she's leading a protest revolt or something....

If that wasn't enough, over the last couple of months, sex has become incredibly painful.
Like the "don't even come near me, no matter how much lube you have" kind of painful.

My poor husband. He's been so understanding and patient, but the poor bastard just wants to get laid, and it's kinda, really, NOT happening for him.

First it was the morning/all day vomiting, then the round after round of antibiotics, now this.

So, I mention this in passing to my doctor last month, and he says:

"No worries, probably just from lack of sex in the previous months. Take it slow, use lube, foreplay, you'll be fine."

No dice!

So I mention it AGAIN today, during my appointment. He asks me to describe it (the pain) in a bit more detail....

Now, I am not a shy or conservative woman, but there's something a little unnerving about having to say the following the man who will deliver your child:

"Well, when he tries to penetrate, it hurts the way it would if you were still recovering from a previous night of really rough, unlubed sex, and THEN were stupid enough to go at it again at full tilt, without a breather....KnowwhatImean?"

The words just fell OUT OF MY MOUTH.

It was like I couldn't stop myself. Oh, wait, that's right: I DIDN'T.

Well, the look on his face was priceless.

He then proceeded to clear his throat, and ask me if I had any history with herpes and/or other STDs.

Thought I was going to DIERoseanne Roseannadanna-style.

After I vehemently stated that I have never had herpes or any other type of creepy-crawly in my bathing suit area, he moved on to doing a vaginal culture, and concluded that it is probably a type of "non-infectious vaginitis" (mmmmmhmm, SEXY) which is apparently, super-common.

Oh, goody!
MORE antibiotics, and you guessed it, no sex.

Sorry, Hubalubs.

Looks like I'm not the only one "SHE" hates......