Tuesday, August 4, 2009

This is going to be one of those "Did she REALLY just share that?" posts...

So I had my 6 month visit with the Obgyn today.

Technically, I'm at 26 weeks, not 24, but whatever.

But on that note, my fundal measurement (the length from the top of your uterus to your pubic bone) is measuring at 28 weeks, so Owen could be here early.

Which is what I've been saying all ALONG, but my Doc keeps shooting that down...WHAT DOES HE KNOW? He's just the doctor. Ha.

I also gained 6 lbs since my appointment last month. I'm only supposed to gain 3-4 lbs a month, so I felt pretty behemoth (don't even get me started on the TOTAL number, yiiikes), but since I was still negative 3 lbs from my starting weight at the previous visit, I'd technically only gained 3 lbs.

He was happy with this, I was not.

I'm afraid the weight is going to start snowballing in these last 3 months.

I've heard that happening to a lot of pregnant women and it scares me.

Not from a vanity standpoint, but a health one.

I did not start this pregnancy a small girl, and even though I'd SWORN to myself that I would lose all the weight I gained after the rape before I got pregnant....

the intervening 5 years has taught me that A. life never goes according to plan, and B. 100 lbs is WAAAAAY easier to gain than it is to lose.

Obviously, being overweight is not ideal, pregnant or not, so the concept of adding 20-a gazillion lbs to that is scary, but I mostly worry about it in terms of things like gestational diabetes, and healthy labor and delivery. In 3 weeks, I'll have my glucose test, so I'm even more nervous.

I know, I just have to be careful, and I can't beat myself up, but I can't help it sometimes....

All that being said, Owen is doing great, so I should just shut up and be grateful!

On to the TMI portion of our program.....

I'm pretty sure that at this point, my vagina hates me.
I'm thinking it's because she knows of the battle that lies ahead, and is none-too-pleased about it.

I can't be sure of this of course, but all I know is that from the day I got pregnant, I have had nothing but issues in the "lady business" area.

Bladder infections, yeast infections, urinary tract....ay yai yai! It's like she's leading a protest revolt or something....

If that wasn't enough, over the last couple of months, sex has become incredibly painful.
Like the "don't even come near me, no matter how much lube you have" kind of painful.

My poor husband. He's been so understanding and patient, but the poor bastard just wants to get laid, and it's kinda, really, NOT happening for him.

First it was the morning/all day vomiting, then the round after round of antibiotics, now this.

So, I mention this in passing to my doctor last month, and he says:

"No worries, probably just from lack of sex in the previous months. Take it slow, use lube, foreplay, you'll be fine."

No dice!

So I mention it AGAIN today, during my appointment. He asks me to describe it (the pain) in a bit more detail....

Now, I am not a shy or conservative woman, but there's something a little unnerving about having to say the following the man who will deliver your child:

"Well, when he tries to penetrate, it hurts the way it would if you were still recovering from a previous night of really rough, unlubed sex, and THEN were stupid enough to go at it again at full tilt, without a breather....KnowwhatImean?"

The words just fell OUT OF MY MOUTH.

It was like I couldn't stop myself. Oh, wait, that's right: I DIDN'T.

Well, the look on his face was priceless.

He then proceeded to clear his throat, and ask me if I had any history with herpes and/or other STDs.

Thought I was going to DIERoseanne Roseannadanna-style.

After I vehemently stated that I have never had herpes or any other type of creepy-crawly in my bathing suit area, he moved on to doing a vaginal culture, and concluded that it is probably a type of "non-infectious vaginitis" (mmmmmhmm, SEXY) which is apparently, super-common.

Oh, goody!
MORE antibiotics, and you guessed it, no sex.

Sorry, Hubalubs.

Looks like I'm not the only one "SHE" hates......


Erin said...

Great read Courtney!!! Hahahahaha. You sure do tell it like it is. Sorry to hear you're having so many issues downstairs.

As far as the weight gain is concerned, don't fret so much about 6 lbs right now. Keep in mind that you've been upchucking everything for months now, and your body is finally taking in some much needed calories. That baby is going to be gaining all of his weight in the coming months and that's going to require a lot from your body to create that...you are growing a baby you know! Keep as healthy as possible and don't worry about it. There's a good amount of water weight going on and something about keeping more blood too (I don't quite know much about that). Either way...all those lbs are packing on for a reason. As long as you keep the sugars and junk food in check and keep it as nutritious as possible while listening to your body for what nutrients its craving...you'll be fine. You'll be taking a healthy Owen on lots of walks in the very near future and chasing a toddler around for years to come...you'll find a way to lose the weight! :)

he calls me wifey said...

aw man i'm laughing so hard right now.

if it makes you feel any better, my mom and my sister actually lost weight during their pregnancy (especially the last few months) so there's hope you won't gain too much! and even if you do, you'll still be a beautiful new mom. i've also heard that breast feeding gives you super human powers and a crazy fast metabolism... but i could be wrong. i hope i'm not wrong because that would dash my dreams of a perfect pregnancy/motherhood.

hang in there girl.

he calls me wifey said...

Oh and p.s. if you don't mind hitting up your brother in law for those italian details, i'd really appreciate it, and i'd owe you!

happyfunpants said...

Wow. There are a lot of things in that post that may give me nightmares. Starting with the fact that you're pregnant. Because basically, pregnancy scares the crap out of me right now.

ANYWAY, I know you don't know me, but since I know about your va-jay-jay, I feel like I should leave a comment indicating something private about mine. So here goes: my va-jay-jay does not have a monologue. :)

And also? If I were your doctor, I would've TOTALLY understood what you meant by your description. In fact, when you wrote that, all I could think of was "Ouch" and "I've been there." So good luck with that.

Oh, and thanks for the wonderful comment on my post - I'm so glad that someone thought it was funny! :) Sometimes the stuff I find funny just offends other people. I'm relieved I didn't offend you or Owen. :)

happyfunpants said...

I thought it was hilarious...and sometimes when I post stuff like that I'm all "Wow. I hope this isn't someone's first trip to my blog!" Reading yours was SUCH a fantastic way to realize that the honesty is fantastic and sharing the up close and personal stuff is actually endearing.


Kris said...


You had a hell of a time with this pregnancy! It is probably just as well I wasn't blogging when I was pregnant . . . I was obsessed with weight and progress and health and diet . . . and I had several excruciatingly TMI sessions with my doctor.

Love that you shared.

So happy it's not me.


Jayne said...

Kris-Pregnancy is not my friend. Even though I so badly wanted us to be BFFs and stuff! Ha! Worse part? I can't wait to do it again! Sigh.