Friday, July 24, 2009

I hate Fridays.

Every other Friday, that is.

That's when my Hubs gets paid....don't get me wrong, I'm SUPER grateful that he does, in fact, get paid.

I just know that Pay Day means: Bill Pay Day. Booooo.

I handle all of the money, because as my husband has said repeatedly: I'm better at it.

I do all of our budgeting, pay all the bills, manage our accounts, etc. I don't mind doing it, but man, BP days are DEPRESSING.

The money just turns to dust before we even have time to breathe.

We may not pay rent, but unfortunately, that didn't make the student loans, car insurance, credit card bills, gas prices, phone bills, medical expenses, and SO ON go away.

Oh, how we wish it did!

We're trying really hard to save-- the fact that we've finally climbed out of our previous financial hole due to the job fallout/high rent combo and are able to HAVE a savings, is miraculous, but not miraculous enough, if you know what I mean. Especially when we're not sure if this whole "saving" fad is going to last.

It seems like every time we start to make headway, something comes up and knocks us back a few steps.

We're also really worried about my husband's job. They keep telling him that he's not in any danger, but how many people have heard that line lately, only to be tossed on their asses?

Keep your fingers crossed for us, please!

All of this, and trying to figure out a working budget for diapers!

Holy Madre de Jeeeebus.

I just keep telling myself that it will all work out. It always does in some form or fashion.....kinda. Sorta! maybe?

We just have to keep truckin'. We're luckier than a lot of people right now, and try to remind myself of that everyday.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Nursery Room Blues, Facing your own Mortality and Presents!

On the list of things I should be concerned with, I realize that this one is pretty low on the totem pole, but I am REALLY bummed out about the fact that we don’t have a nursery for Owen.

We had always envisioned that when I got pregnant, we would spend time leading up to the birth picking out cribs, hanging cute curtains and testing paint colors….

And I couldn’t wait!

When we were looking for our last apartment, one of the reasons we chose the one we did is because it was a 2 bed/2 bath with a washer and dryer. Perfect, in the event that we had a baby.

The idea of having a child even helped dictate what kind of dog we picked. We chose our dog because he was sweet and even-tempered, and had grown up around and loved little kids. Again, perfect for a child.

We were set! Now all we had to do was wait until it was the right time to have a baby!

Funny how things work out, eh?

We really miss our apartment. We miss our dog even more. I think the thing we miss the most though is the freedom of having our own space and the possibilities of what you can create in that space.

We used to sit in our guest room/office and talk about all the things we would do if it became a baby’s room. We even came up with Owen’s name in that room.

(We like to plan ahead)

Sigh. It is what it is. For now, our little family will all share the same room.

The paint strips and themed window dressings will have to wait.

At least we have a roof over our heads!

On to other baby news—

The dates for the baby showers have been set, and invites are being made!

The lists keep growing, and I’m afraid these shindigs are going to be HUGE, which is good in that I want everyone I love to be included, but makes me feel weird in that I don’t want people to think I’m just out for presents….Speaking of which, our registry is finally up and running on! Haha!

What else?

I am overwhelmed by all the decisions we need to make before Owen is even here!

Here’s a short list so far:

What’s our birth plan?

There’s a preliminary draft of our birth plan—which is basically how you want to give birth, use of drugs, who will be involved, how you want the baby handled after birth, etc…

It is defined by as:

A written description of what the expectant parents would like to include and what they'd like to avoid for labor and the birth of their child. A birth plan might mention preferences about walking during labor, locale of the delivery, use of camera/video, pain medication, etc., and may be written with the help of a woman's health care provider.

Per the American Pregnancy Association, it will include answers to questions such as:

* Who do you want to be there?
* Do you want a doula?
* Will there be children/siblings present?
* Do you want mobility or do you wish to be confined to a bed?
* What activities or positions do you plan to use? (walking, standing, squatting, hands and knees)
* Would you prefer a certain position to give birth?
* What will you do for pain relief? (massage, hot and cold packs, positions, labor imagery, relaxation, breathing exercises, tub or Jacuzzi, medication)
* How do you feel about fetal monitoring?
* How do you plan to keep hydrated? (sips of drinks, ice chips, IV)
* Do you want pain medications, or do you want to avoid them? Do you have preferences for which pain medications you want?
* Would you like an episiotomy? Or, are there certain measures you want to use to avoid one?
* What are your preferences for your baby's care? (when to feed, where to sleep)
* Do you want a routine IV, a heparin/saline block, or nothing at all?
* Do you want to wear your own clothing?
* Do you want to listen to music and have focal points?
* Do you want to use the tub or shower?
* For home and birth center births, what are your plans in case of hospital transport?
* If you need a cesarean, do you have any special requests?

{As of this moment, I want the birth to be as drug-free as possible. I know that some of you may think that makes me sound like a crazy lady, but I do NOT do well under anesthesia or narcotics. I don’t want to have a freak-out in the midst of labor…I handle extreme pain waaaay better than I handle feeling out of control of my own body.}

Should we hire a Doula?

We have decided to hire a doula. I have run into so many women who SWEAR by a doula-assisted birth, and say that every woman should be able to give birth that way.

After doing some research, I discovered that doulas can be very helpful to women in labor who have been victims of physical and/or sexual abuse, by helping them to feel safe and in control during the high stress of the laboring process.

Since I unfortunately run the gamut of the abuse spectrum, my husband was immediately in favor of the Doula option.

A doula, according to the American Pregnancy Association is:

A doula is a professional trained in childbirth who provides emotional, physical and informational support to the woman who is expecting, in labor or has recently given birth. The doula's role is to help women have a safe, memorable and empowering birthing experience. They are knowledgeable in the medical aspect of labor and delivery so they can help their clients get a better understanding of procedures and complications that may arise in late pregnancy or during delivery.
During delivery, doulas are in constant, close proximity to the mother at all times. They can provide comfort with pain relief techniques, such as breathing, relaxing, massage and laboring positions. Doulas also encourage participation from the partner and offer reassurance. A doula acts as an advocate for the mother, encouraging her in her desires for her birth. The goal of a doula is to help the mother have a positive and safe birth experience, whether the mother wants an un-medicated birth or is having a planned cesarean birth.

We have an appointment with a potential doula on Sunday. We’re really hoping it goes well. If it’s anything like the hour we’ve already spent on the phone, we should be good-to-go.

Will we store Owen’s cord blood?

This is something that we had hoped to do, but it is quite costly, and we just don’t have it, but we plan to donate Owen’s so it can potentially help someone else.

There’s also the issue of life-saving measures in the circumstance that something goes wrong.

Obviously, my first priority is my son. It’s him over me if it came down to it, no question.

In addition, I do not want to live on machines, nor do I want that for our son. If the worst were to happen, and we were in a vegetative state, then it’s our time to go.

Because of these issues we both need to draft a will.

Thankfully, my ILs have a friend who is going to help us draft up the appropriate paperwork.

We also need to decide on Owen’s guardians in the event that we were to die.
Obviously, it will be my husband's parents first, but if they are unable, then it will be his brother and his wife (granted they agree to that, of course).

Hubby also wants to take out a life insurance policy so that Owen and I are taken care of if something were to happen to him….

Scary shit. Necessary, but scary. I have never felt more adult than I do now.

I have also never worried so much in my life, and that’s saying a LOT because I am a worrier by nature.

We’ve spent a lot of time reading, researching, and discussing, and we’ve made some good headway, it’s just kind of nerve-wracking…these are not decisions you want to screw up!

Stress aside, I am so grateful every day for the opportunity to have him! We can’t wait to kiss his little face!

Who cares that by the time he gets here, I’ll have gone completely white-haired, and my husband will have lost what small amount of hair he has left?

(I've been told it only gets worse from here, and given how much of my life I've spent worrying over my siblings as if they were my own, I know we're IN for it.)

All a part of parenting!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

My mind is lost. There is no "losing" to be had.

I cried on Monday evening for over an HOUR.

Why? Because I had planned on putting away a basket of laundry, but never actually did it.

My husband did his best to console me, while trying not to laugh.


I almost had a full-fledged panic attack last night because I realized that (2 weeks ago, mind you) I took two Ibuprofen for a headache, when what I should have taken is Tylenol.

All these horrid scenarios of harm to my son starting galloping through my head....


This weekend will probably be just as absurd.

Hubs and I have a wedding to go to, and I'm dreading it, because I feel/look/move like a hippopotamus.

I bought a dress for the wedding, which I have been told looks great on me, but I think that they're neglecting to mention the Circus-tent similarities.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm pregnant, I get that--but this is a very small wedding. I have nowhere to hide. I will not 'blend'.

The bride is twice my age, but stunning, and the two other women that will be my comadres for the day are these tiny, gorgeous, TAN girls with killer bodies and new boobs.

Just shoot me now.

If that weren't enough, my 10-year high school reunion is the same day....

(I'm actually bummed we won't be able to make it, there are several people I'd love to see)

Great, now I'm an Elder Hippo to boot!

Pregnancy is amazing....Pregnancy is amazing....Pregnancy is ama......

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Free Money! Okay, it's more like Lost Money, but still.

If you are from CA (or if you lived here previously), go to this site!

Basically, it's the CA State Controller's page, and there's a section for "Unclaimed Property"....

You type in your name, and if a match comes up, you could be getting some dough!

Unclaimed Property are things like un-cashed paychecks, tax returns, canceled bank accounts that weren't emptied, etc.

The Hubs and I rec'd a little over $800 (we had NO idea it was even floating around out there), which we used to buy our fantastic new bed!

(More on that in a minute....)

If the name and info is in fact, yours, you download a claim form, fill it out and send it in with a copy of your ID and SS card. They will then verify the claim, and send you a check.

If it's over a couple grand, I think there's more hoopla involved, but we didn't get into that.

From start to finish, we got our check in like 2-3 months. We had no idea whether it would actually work, but it it did, and we were stoked!

Everyone should check it out! You never know! For those in other states, I don't know if they have the same thing, but it's definitely worth a google, right?

As mentioned above, with the magical monies, we bought ourselves a new bed.

A king-sized bed!!! Oh, uhHUH. It was just delivered yesterday.

As you who read this blog know, we really wanted one, especially since we've decided to co-sleep with Owen.

We had thought that we were just going to have to suck it up and deal with the queen that we'd been sleeping on, because king-sized mattress set prices were not conducive with our level of brokeness...

But then came the Unclaimed Fairy! Sweet!

If you ever need to buy a bed, I'd suggest Custom Comfort Mattress Company. After all of my research for a quality bed for an economical price, they were the best. They do their own manufacturing, they'll do a custom job if that's what you want, and their salesfolk are NOT on commission, which makes it all the more legit.

We actually like another mattress better initially, but it was out of our price range, and instead of trying to sell us on it, the guy helping showed us one that was comparable in quality, but still within our budget. Gold Star for him!

Here's the part I get the most joy out of in terms of our bed saga:

(it's lame, so prepare yourselves)

The sheets we bought! Seriously! Hear me out....

Having had a CA King before we moved in with the ILs (in our defense, it was hand-me-down, that was 10 years old and beat to shit), that had to be abandoned when we came to reside with them, I knew that getting king sheets were going to be expensive, so I was determined to find them at the best price.

Here was my problem though:

After years of never even CONSIDERING the thread count, I have been turned on by my MIL to the wonder that is high-count sheets. Oh. my. luscious.

Once you've turned that corner, there truly is NO going back.

So there I was desperately trying to find 300 count (which is the lowest one should go, or so I've been told, ha!) or higher sheets on the cheap.

Desperation started climbing.

Target, Amazon, LinensNThings, BB&B, the list went on....

Finally, I settled on 300 count, Egyptian cotton sheets from Walmart. $40.

Not too shabby.

But then we stopped by Kohl's....and that is where I saw them.

610 count, Egyptian Cotton sheets for FORTY DOLLARS.

Normally, $150.

I did a little dance, I'm not gonna lie....and bought 2 sets.

They're worth EVERY PENNY.

And that's my story. I make no apologies.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Taking a break from the Crazy....

In regards to my last post, I want to state emphatically that I love my husband very much--he is very loving and doting (just not tidy), and that despite my hormonally-charged rants of yesterday, he is not dead. I didn't even yell.

Which is miraculous, given the fact I realize NOW, that my episode was probably brought on by the migraine that was building up in, and subsequently unleashed upon, my brain yesterday, at 6:30 pm.

Anyway....on to baby-related things!

Owen and I had our 20 week U/S on Monday, and everything looks GREAT. He hit all the appropriate measurements, is developing the way he should, his heartbeat is strong, and everything looks normal. The tech also said that he had long arms and legs (like his Daddy), so he'll probably be tall. Crazy, right? To me, he's just a tiny little monkey. I can't think of him as a man yet!

As you may have noticed, he is still a HE. Haha. It was doubly-confirmed. :)

I was also told that instead of being a few days into my 20th week, Owen was measuring more like 22, so we shall see.....

(as soon as I get them scanned, I'll post some U/S pics)

I'm just so happy that he's healthy! It was also really nice to have my husband there. He unfortunately wasn't present for the earlier U/S we'd had, so it was quite the moment for him.

He kept saying over and over:
"That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen! That's my son!"

It was adorable.

As far as planning for his arrival, it's FREAKING me out. Logistically, I mean.

So far, people have been awesome with offering us stuff, which is so GREAT, I just don't know where that hell to put it all. I'm waiting for some furniture to be moved, for my MIL to clean out the closet in our bedroom (its got her stuff in it, not ours, I promise), and then perhaps some real progress can be made.

Our registry is just about done, but it's looking more and more like I need to rethink our nursery furniture....

I registered for this really nice set that is transitional, growing with the child, but they're all pretty substantial pieces of furniture. Not having an actual nursery, or apartment for that matter, there's just no room for it. In addition, we've decided to co-sleep, so we won't need a crib anyway for quite some time--making the set kind of moot.

There is furniture that we DO need though, like a dresser to put Owen's things in, other storage pieces, and a small changing table.

Basically, I need to re-shop for smaller scale stuff that's better suited to a studio-type apartment than a home, if that makes sense.

I'm just afraid of falling into the trap of buying stuff that works in a pinch, but then won't last us down the road, much like our poverty-induced purchase of a Klippan couch....

As soon as I can tailor it down, I'll release the registry info for all of those who've been asking. :)

Baby Shower Info:

There's going to be two. Which is not a bad thing, I just don't want people to think I'm shower-greedy...

We had originally figured that we would just have a shower at the in-law's casa, because well, it's where we live. Then my mom decided that she was hosting (come hell or high water) the shower. A shower that is.....Wait for it.....

A Halloween-themed shower. Babies, pumpkins, and ghosts? She also wanted everyone to dress up. This was swiftly vetoed.

(For those of you who know my madre, this is not a surprise.)

The only problem with this is that my mom has a small house, and with all the people my mom has on her list, my MIL has on HER list, and my OWN list, there is no hope of it working out under that roof. On top of that, my MIL will not be in town the weekend my mom is holding the shower.

Then there were two.

The first one will be the 2nd or 3rd weekend of September (still trying to nail down dates with my ever-traveling ILs) at our house, and the 2nd one will take place the 3rd weekend of October at my mother's.

Now I'm tasked with trying to split up the guest list appropriately between the two parties. I want it to be a good mixture of people who know each other, you know?

Thankfully, my very talented friend has offered to do the invites for both showers, and the cake for the September shower. Her cakes are amazing, I'm stoked.

That's as far as I've gotten.

I'll update as more info is cemented!

Happy Fourth of July Weekend, Loves!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Attack of the Nagging Hausfrau.

Okay, so I am so BEYOND irritated right now, but I'm torn as to who I should be more irritated with: myself, or my husband.

Having moved in with his parents, we live in a very small space as compared to what we had before (a 2bd/2ba entire apt).

We now have:
Two bedrooms which are connected by a jack n' jill bathroom being used as our "apt.".

In that space, we have a small living room/office area, and then a bedroom area. Now, we are trying to negotiate how to fit our son into all of that as well.

This is a hard task. It's made harder by the fact that my darling spouse is a SLOB.

Trails everywhere he freakin' goes. Clothes strewn wherever he happens to take them off, crochet paraphernalia (yes, he crochets) here and there, whatever magazines or book he decides to flip through, dishes, shoes, etc.

Basically anything he touches/uses in his daily life gets scattered through our little abode.

It drives me FUCKING nuts. Partly because I am, in fact, a Type Aer who has inherited her mother's reverence for cleanliness (although not nearly as psychotic), but MOSTLY it's because a small space immediately becomes unlivable if it's not kept clean and organized.

And I have TRIED. I've let a lot of things go in the 2.5 years that we've cohabitated, and I've done my damnedest to try and give everything a place, so it's easy keep stuff picked up.

This does not register with him.

The thing is, I feel bad for getting mad at him about it. When we both worked, I didn't feel bad, but now that he's the only one working, I feel like the LEAST I can do is the housework. So now, I DO feel bad, because I feel like I'm not pulling my weight.

This feeling is not as a result of him either. He doesn't care if I clean or not. He's fine with the mess and overflowing baskets of laundry. I'm the one having the nervous breakdown about it.

Before I got pregnant, This wasn't that big of an issue. For the most part, even though I got annoyed from time to time, I did all of the cleaning/laundry, and that was that. But now, it's a different story.

I'm so tired. All the time! It seems like the messes are creeping up on me more and more frequently now. Oh, and the laundry. Good LORDY LOVIN', the laundry. There's always been a lot of it, because my husband is sweaty and changes at least twice in a day, but lately, it's just overwhelming. I can get it sorted, washed and dried, but by the time I get to the putting away/hanging up portion of the program, things fall apart.

I just don't have any energy or focus, which is worse than the fatigue.

So we end up with baskets of laundry lined up on our window seat or next to the bed, which end up being rifled through by the Hubster, and thus strewn throughout creation.

And a day like today will come, a day that is hot, one in which I am tired and headachy, where I look around our space and its piles of mess/laundry and try to imagine our son and all of his stuff coexisting with it all, only to realize that it's going to get SO MUCH WORSE.

--this is when I CRACK.

Yelling is imminent. My poor clueless spouse will walk in the door any minute now, and I will unleash a torrential bitchfest upon him.

But I don't want to. He works hard, and I SOOOO appreciate that. He doesn't care if I do nothing but sit on my ass and eat bonbons...

So what right do I have to chew him out for not putting away his crap?

But at the SAME TIME, shouldn't he put away at least some of it?

Sometimes as he sits there, after work, playing his Xbox, amid piles of laundry as I once again gather up his dishes, I briefly visualize strangling him with the controller cord and throwing the machine out the window....

Other times as he sits there, after work, detailing the mind-numbing day he had, amid the piles of bills he's trying so hard to pay, I'm so thankful that he's willing to do it and come home so happy to be with me every day.

Does any of this make any sense?

I think I just needed to vent.