Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Nursery Room Blues, Facing your own Mortality and Presents!

On the list of things I should be concerned with, I realize that this one is pretty low on the totem pole, but I am REALLY bummed out about the fact that we don’t have a nursery for Owen.

We had always envisioned that when I got pregnant, we would spend time leading up to the birth picking out cribs, hanging cute curtains and testing paint colors….

And I couldn’t wait!

When we were looking for our last apartment, one of the reasons we chose the one we did is because it was a 2 bed/2 bath with a washer and dryer. Perfect, in the event that we had a baby.

The idea of having a child even helped dictate what kind of dog we picked. We chose our dog because he was sweet and even-tempered, and had grown up around and loved little kids. Again, perfect for a child.

We were set! Now all we had to do was wait until it was the right time to have a baby!

Funny how things work out, eh?

We really miss our apartment. We miss our dog even more. I think the thing we miss the most though is the freedom of having our own space and the possibilities of what you can create in that space.

We used to sit in our guest room/office and talk about all the things we would do if it became a baby’s room. We even came up with Owen’s name in that room.

(We like to plan ahead)

Sigh. It is what it is. For now, our little family will all share the same room.

The paint strips and themed window dressings will have to wait.

At least we have a roof over our heads!

On to other baby news—

The dates for the baby showers have been set, and invites are being made!

The lists keep growing, and I’m afraid these shindigs are going to be HUGE, which is good in that I want everyone I love to be included, but makes me feel weird in that I don’t want people to think I’m just out for presents….Speaking of which, our registry is finally up and running on! Haha!

What else?

I am overwhelmed by all the decisions we need to make before Owen is even here!

Here’s a short list so far:

What’s our birth plan?

There’s a preliminary draft of our birth plan—which is basically how you want to give birth, use of drugs, who will be involved, how you want the baby handled after birth, etc…

It is defined by as:

A written description of what the expectant parents would like to include and what they'd like to avoid for labor and the birth of their child. A birth plan might mention preferences about walking during labor, locale of the delivery, use of camera/video, pain medication, etc., and may be written with the help of a woman's health care provider.

Per the American Pregnancy Association, it will include answers to questions such as:

* Who do you want to be there?
* Do you want a doula?
* Will there be children/siblings present?
* Do you want mobility or do you wish to be confined to a bed?
* What activities or positions do you plan to use? (walking, standing, squatting, hands and knees)
* Would you prefer a certain position to give birth?
* What will you do for pain relief? (massage, hot and cold packs, positions, labor imagery, relaxation, breathing exercises, tub or Jacuzzi, medication)
* How do you feel about fetal monitoring?
* How do you plan to keep hydrated? (sips of drinks, ice chips, IV)
* Do you want pain medications, or do you want to avoid them? Do you have preferences for which pain medications you want?
* Would you like an episiotomy? Or, are there certain measures you want to use to avoid one?
* What are your preferences for your baby's care? (when to feed, where to sleep)
* Do you want a routine IV, a heparin/saline block, or nothing at all?
* Do you want to wear your own clothing?
* Do you want to listen to music and have focal points?
* Do you want to use the tub or shower?
* For home and birth center births, what are your plans in case of hospital transport?
* If you need a cesarean, do you have any special requests?

{As of this moment, I want the birth to be as drug-free as possible. I know that some of you may think that makes me sound like a crazy lady, but I do NOT do well under anesthesia or narcotics. I don’t want to have a freak-out in the midst of labor…I handle extreme pain waaaay better than I handle feeling out of control of my own body.}

Should we hire a Doula?

We have decided to hire a doula. I have run into so many women who SWEAR by a doula-assisted birth, and say that every woman should be able to give birth that way.

After doing some research, I discovered that doulas can be very helpful to women in labor who have been victims of physical and/or sexual abuse, by helping them to feel safe and in control during the high stress of the laboring process.

Since I unfortunately run the gamut of the abuse spectrum, my husband was immediately in favor of the Doula option.

A doula, according to the American Pregnancy Association is:

A doula is a professional trained in childbirth who provides emotional, physical and informational support to the woman who is expecting, in labor or has recently given birth. The doula's role is to help women have a safe, memorable and empowering birthing experience. They are knowledgeable in the medical aspect of labor and delivery so they can help their clients get a better understanding of procedures and complications that may arise in late pregnancy or during delivery.
During delivery, doulas are in constant, close proximity to the mother at all times. They can provide comfort with pain relief techniques, such as breathing, relaxing, massage and laboring positions. Doulas also encourage participation from the partner and offer reassurance. A doula acts as an advocate for the mother, encouraging her in her desires for her birth. The goal of a doula is to help the mother have a positive and safe birth experience, whether the mother wants an un-medicated birth or is having a planned cesarean birth.

We have an appointment with a potential doula on Sunday. We’re really hoping it goes well. If it’s anything like the hour we’ve already spent on the phone, we should be good-to-go.

Will we store Owen’s cord blood?

This is something that we had hoped to do, but it is quite costly, and we just don’t have it, but we plan to donate Owen’s so it can potentially help someone else.

There’s also the issue of life-saving measures in the circumstance that something goes wrong.

Obviously, my first priority is my son. It’s him over me if it came down to it, no question.

In addition, I do not want to live on machines, nor do I want that for our son. If the worst were to happen, and we were in a vegetative state, then it’s our time to go.

Because of these issues we both need to draft a will.

Thankfully, my ILs have a friend who is going to help us draft up the appropriate paperwork.

We also need to decide on Owen’s guardians in the event that we were to die.
Obviously, it will be my husband's parents first, but if they are unable, then it will be his brother and his wife (granted they agree to that, of course).

Hubby also wants to take out a life insurance policy so that Owen and I are taken care of if something were to happen to him….

Scary shit. Necessary, but scary. I have never felt more adult than I do now.

I have also never worried so much in my life, and that’s saying a LOT because I am a worrier by nature.

We’ve spent a lot of time reading, researching, and discussing, and we’ve made some good headway, it’s just kind of nerve-wracking…these are not decisions you want to screw up!

Stress aside, I am so grateful every day for the opportunity to have him! We can’t wait to kiss his little face!

Who cares that by the time he gets here, I’ll have gone completely white-haired, and my husband will have lost what small amount of hair he has left?

(I've been told it only gets worse from here, and given how much of my life I've spent worrying over my siblings as if they were my own, I know we're IN for it.)

All a part of parenting!


Kat said...

I am just giddy for you to be having a baby, the ups are awesome and downs will be glossed over by time...contractions what are those???? Peeing too much, what?? Gas, never heard of it! But those pure moments of joy will last you until your old age. Enjoy every second of it!

Erin said...

I swear, they need to write a book about the things they DON'T tell you about pregnancy! You wonder how anyone can survive it when you look at all the things that you have to go through. It's no wonder God created women and made them have to endure it! We'd never procreate otherwise. Haha.

If you need help getting a life insurance plan, that's what we do at my work!! :)

JayneSees said...

Kat-I'm giddy too!

Erin-I may totally be hitting you up for info/guidance, b/c we really don't know where to start, and we don't want to get sheisted!

he calls me wifey said...

Wow. I didn't even know what a Doula was. That's crazy.

I can tell that when I'm pregnant, I'm gonna be a lot like you. I am a worrier by nature as well. That's why I have IBS.

Dave says, "Oh jeez, when we get pregnant I'm gonna have to limit your time online 'cause you're gonna worry about every little thing you read."

He might be right.

I'm sure I'll be asking you questions when that time comes.