You know how whenever a celebrity has a baby, it takes about 2 hours postpartum and then BOOM! there's a cover story on OK magazine about how they're back to their pre-pregnancy skinny jeans?
HOW DO THEY DO THAT? I want to be that disciplined!
(Hell, I just want to wear skinny jeans)
I'll feel SO much better when I'm al LEAST back to my pre-pregnancy weight!
Those crazy superhuman celebrimoms!
I've decided once and for all that it is all LIES. Vicious, unadulterated, lies.
I was suspicious before, but now, I'm convinced...
It all started yesterday when I was getting ready for my 2 week postpartum check-up with my OBGYN.
Getting dressed was not going well.
My pre-prego clothes weren't fitting, so I grabbed a pair of maternity jeans.
Mind you, these were jeans that I wore up until I was 7 months pregnant.
(I was HUGE)
I put them on, and to my dismay, they were uncomfortably snug.
I consoled myself with the reminder that it had ONLY been 2 weeks, and so OBVIOUSLY I was still carrying some baby weight.
It takes awhile to lose 27 lbs. I'm not Heidi Klum, for Pete's Sake!
Then, at the the OB's office, they made me get on that awful scale. Like they ALWAYS do. Jerks.
As per the ususal, I'm averting my eyes and waiting for it to be over, when my nurse cheerfully announces to me that "Hey! You're back down!"
Back down to where? The depths of Chunky McButterPants-ness? Was I not standing on the scale correctly?
What IS she talking about?
She, my dear readers, was talking about my weight.
I was down to my pre-pregnancy weight.
Instead of being estatic, I'm pissed!
You mean to tell me that I've lost 27 lbs. and I'm STILL wearing too-snug maternity jeans?!
SON OF A.....
Right back into those skinny jeans, my flat-sadly-unaffected-by-pregnancy ASS.