Thursday, November 12, 2009

That wasn't nearly as satisfying as I'd hoped...

You know how whenever a celebrity has a baby, it takes about 2 hours postpartum and then BOOM! there's a cover story on OK magazine about how they're back to their pre-pregnancy skinny jeans?

HOW DO THEY DO THAT? I want to be that disciplined!
(Hell, I just want to wear skinny jeans)

I'll feel SO much better when I'm al LEAST back to my pre-pregnancy weight!

Those crazy superhuman celebrimoms!

I've decided once and for all that it is all LIES. Vicious, unadulterated, lies.

Bitches.

I was suspicious before, but now, I'm convinced...

It all started yesterday when I was getting ready for my 2 week postpartum check-up with my OBGYN.

Getting dressed was not going well.

My pre-prego clothes weren't fitting, so I grabbed a pair of maternity jeans.

Mind you, these were jeans that I wore up until I was 7 months pregnant.
(I was HUGE)

I put them on, and to my dismay, they were uncomfortably snug.

I consoled myself with the reminder that it had ONLY been 2 weeks, and so OBVIOUSLY I was still carrying some baby weight.

It takes awhile to lose 27 lbs. I'm not Heidi Klum, for Pete's Sake!

Then, at the the OB's office, they made me get on that awful scale. Like they ALWAYS do. Jerks.

As per the ususal, I'm averting my eyes and waiting for it to be over, when my nurse cheerfully announces to me that "Hey! You're back down!"

Back down to where? The depths of Chunky McButterPants-ness? Was I not standing on the scale correctly?

What IS she talking about?

She, my dear readers, was talking about my weight.

I was down to my pre-pregnancy weight.

Instead of being estatic, I'm pissed!

You mean to tell me that I've lost 27 lbs. and I'm STILL wearing too-snug maternity jeans?!



SON OF A.....


Right back into those skinny jeans, my flat-sadly-unaffected-by-pregnancy ASS.

6 comments:

Erin said...

It is nothing short of a miracle growing a baby in a body. It took 9 months to get you that way...give yourself A MINIMUM of 9 months of work at getting back before you start feeling down on yourself. Breastfeeding burns a LOT of calories and helps that uterus shrink down to normal (relieving snugginess!)...so try not to give up!!! Revel in the fact that you've made 27 lbs of progress!

Elizabeth said...

It's because all the weight gets redistributed. At least, that's what I tell myself since I weigh less than before I had babies yet my butt is larger than it has ever been. Sigh.

he calls me wifey said...

27 lbs in 2 weeks!?! girl, that is a miracle in and of itself...

but I can sympathize with you. I would honestly feel the same way.

Rachel said...

It's true, give yourself at LEAST 9 months. My body still is different than before I had her and she's 15 months, it just takes time (and exercise, which I definitely don't ever have time to do with a toddler, but that's exercise in itself, right?). Hang in there mama, you JUST had him, don't be too hard on yourself. I lived in my maternity clothes and sweats for the first few months of her life, and slowly inched down to a similar version of my old self. Dan always tells me "Would you rather have a good body or have Lileigh?"... That puts it in perspective for me, I've EARNED these love handles darn it! Lol. Love you!

Frazzled said...

Yup, I agree with Elizabeth. And not only that, but most celebrities get C-Tucks (you can figure out what that is, LOL) when they go in, so it really isn't fair. That's how they do it. You're right--it IS impossible to bounce back that quickly, because, as you're discovering, there's that wonderful issue of redistribution.

WhisperingWriter said...

I think celebrities lose weight so fast because they don't eat.

I'm sorry, but I have to eat or else I'm terribly cranky.