Monday, September 27, 2010

I don't even know what to say, other than: F@#K!

I am angry.

I want to throw myself on the floor and have a fit.

That kind of angry.

I ended up in the ER on Saturday morning at 3 am with abdominal pain so bad it made me cry/unable to breathe.
As it had been going on for a week in earnest, I finally relented and went to the ER.

Found out I had gallstones.

The ER referred my to my primary care physician.
[He's technically my MIL's considering I don't have insurance, but I see him when it's urgent]

After talking to him about my current symptoms and the on-going ones I've had for the last year (but kept rationalizing in my head as not a big deal-in my defense, so did others, making me doubt their severity), he told me that I needed to go see not one, not Two, but THREE different specialists.

[A Gastrointerologist, a Urologist, and a Surgeon. Kinda like the nursery rhyme, but more college]


I won't go into all of it until I have concrete info, but he definitely thinks I need my gall bladder removed, could need bladder surgery, and he thinks I may also have ulcerative colitis or Chrohn's disease.

Hubs is afraid it's Cancer.
{I doubt it.}
He shouldn't be allowed on WebMD anymore.

Sooo, as mentioned before, I'm pissed.

I keep waiting for some good luck to befall us, or for all of our perseverance to finally pay off, and instead, we get more crap to deal with.

I have NO idea how we're going to pay for this.

I will be spending the next week on the phone calling everywhere I can think of to try and get some assistance.

I don't qualify for MediCal, no one will insure me, and the high-risk pools have long waiting lists with even longer price tags, so I've gotta do some digging to see what else is out there. There's gotta be a way to make this cheaper. If not, I suppose there's always bankruptcy....yeeeesh.

Either way, I've gotta start taking care of this ASAP so it doesn't get worse.

My biggest fear in this mess (besides bankruptcy and/or destitution)?

1. I'll go thru all the tests and pay all this money to find out that it's somehow NOTHING


2. I'll go thru all the tests and it will be Cancer.

[Personally, if I had to pick, I'm shooting for Door #1.]


he calls me wifey said...

i'm so sorry about all of this Court. just know that i am thinking of you and most certainly praying that not only do you get insurance somehow, but that you DEFINITELY don't have cancer. hang in there sweetheart <3

Lupie Mama said...

I'm sure it's not cancer sweet friend, although I know how it is to have so many crazy and painful symptoms you think that's it, but from what I've heard you often don't feel anything with cancer. I've had ulcers and gallbladder stuff, both are really painful, I'm sure that's what's going on. I don't know why you'd have ulcers, it's not like you have anything to be stressed about! ;) (totally kidding). Love you sister! Glad you called today, call anytime to vent!!!

kristi said...

oh my gosh! I am just devastated to hear that! You've been through so much! I will keep you in my prayers. Maybe we could hold a benefit for you? ;)

JennyLou said...

I don't know what else to say that hasn't already been said, so I'll just say, I love you so much! I know it's cliche and doesn't help a bit, but hang in there!!!

JayneSees said...

Thank you my sweet friends. I really appreciate all of your support!

Rach- Me? Stressed? I know, Ridiculous! :) You are def my sister! Love you

Yeah-I'm sure it's not Cancer too! No mas intertoobs for the Husband!

Kristi- I wouldn't say NO to one...haha

JenJen- Thanks! I'm trying!

Margaret said...

"He shouldn't be allowed on WebMD anymore."

This made me laugh so hard. Get BETTER.