Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Excuse me while I get up on my soapbox...

[I might need help getting down, just FYI.]

Anyone who is a mother knows that being a mother is hard.

It's the most amazing thing I have ever done, but also, hands-down the hardest.

Most mamas would agree....


We're always segregating ourselves into camps and judging each other. Like a scene out of Mean Girls.

co-sleeping vs. crib
breast-feeding vs. formula
baby-wearing vs. stroller
sign language vs. not 
homeschool vs. public school


But one of the biggest (besides the boob vs. baba debate) is  
natural birth vs. cesarean birth.

In case you were wondering, I delivered O via C-Section. I did not want to, but there was a big possibility of risk/harm to him and myself if I would have attempted a vaginal birth. As much as I wanted to do it MY way, I couldn't abide by even remotely endangering my son to accomplish what I wanted.

I've received both overwhelming support and staunch derision for my decision.

This led to a lot of conflicting emotions surrounding my 'Birth Story" as it were.

I've never written about my birthing experience, because for a long time, I felt like I didn't HAVE one, which is just ridiculous. Of course I did.  It was just a different one from the one I had expected. That didn't make it any less.

That's like Battle Royale material in the Mamahood.

Holy shit, ladies. This is where we lose our minds. People get angry and vicious and all-KINDS of militant about this issue.

If you're wondering what brought this on, I stumbled upon this, which was in reference to this, which got me thinking about how frikken judgy a lot of mothers are (myself included, from time-to-time).

Why is that? Can't we just support one another, and each family's birthing experience?

How dare we (In the collective sense) marginalize a woman's love and/or commitment to her child because she had a Cesarean. How dare we sigh and cast a sideways glance of pity because that woman missed out on "giving birth" and bonding with her baby, again marginalizing the experience.

I WILL say this:

I am not a fan of elected, non-medically necessary C-sections. Stone me if you must, but I'm not.

However, I would never DREAM of saying that because a woman chose that route, it means she does not love her child.

Let's get it together people. Parenting is not black and white.

Each pregnancy is different.
Each Child is different
Each FAMILY is different.

What do we teach our children when we run around acting like holier-than-thou fools?

As long as we do our best to love and nurture and nourish and educate our children, while keeping them safe, do we have to sling arrows at the details? Or can we respect each other enough to try and hold one another up rather than always finding a way to tear down?

[Cue Melody of Kumbaya/We Are the World.]

Bottom Line?

The day a child is born in ANY manner is special and sacred day.

Let's not hang ourselves on technicalities.


Blair Van Bussel said...

I 1000% agree. I've see more angry Baby Center posts than I can shake a stick at.

But seriously, why would you care how some one else raises their child? Its not yours, so why g et so fired up about it.

Plus, every parent has the privilege of using their own best judgment in bringing up their children. And what’s best for some babies, are not right for others.

People need to chill. ;)

kerry said...

not a mother...yet, but i absolutely agree. my best friend has a now 4 months old, and the during her whole pregnancy, she was up against her other friend who just scrutinized EVERYTHING from bottles to breasts etc etc. i don't get it. i honestly don't.

we are all different, and different methods work for different people. how can we measure a mother's love for a child based off she feeds him formula or breast milk? its sad to see mother's going at it. its like ok, give the advice and what had worked for you, then just back off!

everyone has an opinion about what they think to be conventional in all circumstances, when really, we need to embrace each other and support one another. i appreciate you writing this--i think i'll pass it along to my mommy friends.

love you girl!

Britt said...

I argue with husband all the time about this kind of stuff. The biggest issue for him is diet, mainly, mine. Being a vegetarian for the past almooosst 12 years, I really don't care for meat. Don't like it, never really have, and on a moral level, I do take issue with it as well. I have never had any intentions of raising my future progeny as vegetarians (this was MY choice, if they want to follow in mommy's footsteps because they feel the same way she does, we'll talk), and yet if the conversation steers towards pregnancy, he mentions the need for me to eat meat during pregnancy/lactation. And then I get it from the other side with my vegan friends who think I'm a monster for not considering forcing my future babies into vegetarianism, etc, etc... (For the record, my stand has always been and remains that I will not eat any meat of meat product during pregnancy unless otherwise instructed by numerous physicians who recommend it for the health of the fetus.)
My point is the same as yours. This is YOUR journey. We, as women, get really, usually, ONLY this that we get to do totally on our own. Oh yes, doctors, partners, loved ones may help us along, but they're not in our bodies. It's just us and baby, and that's pretty goddamn special and deserving of some pretty huge goddamn respect. As long as you're not harming your child and always keeping their well being in mind, stroll them, sack them, feed them breast milk, formula, twinkies, whatever (well, maybe not twinkies *shudder*) so long as it's done with LOVE and CARE, because that is the bottom line of being a parent: to LOVE and CARE for one's child. What's not to unite about with that?
And on a personal note, if you ever find yourself faced with someone giving you shit at all about being anything other than the completely amazing, wholly competent, and utterly kickass mom you are, you refer them to ME. *shakes fist at screen*

Endellion said...

with that said you need to send me a nice long email with your birth story in it cause
uhm yeah
im starting to get a little anxious