Friday, February 17, 2012

Deja-Effing-Vu All Over Again.

My Husband lost his job Wednesday night.

He was told that while he was an excellent worker with a great set of skills, he just wasn't the right "fit."

He was there for less than 6 months.
He had been told repeatedly that it was going to take a year for him to get fully comfortable in the position.

I guess they changed their minds and decided 4.5 months was long enough.

That would have been really excellent to know at the end of December when the Huz met with his boss and was assured that his progress was just fine and his job was secure.

On January 15th we celebrated his 1st big commission check.

February 15th, he came home without a job.

It feels unreal.

We just signed a 12 month lease last Friday night.

We were supposed to start our move, our fresh start, today.

So here we are, with a lease to break, no money coming in (he wasn't given severance, a final paycheck, nada), our insurance cancelled at the end of the month, and another baby on the way.

It seems like we were standing in this same spot (for the umpteenth time) at the end of May last year...

Oh, wait.

That's because we were.

Every time we think about unpacking all our our boxes to (continue to) stay at his parent's house, I start to cry and my husband looks like he's going to vomit.

We took a drive yesterday to talk about how to move forward, and we realized that, essentially?

We can't.

Even if he were to start a new job tomorrow, unless that job paid him double what he was making at his last job, the best we'll be able to hope for is to just go back to living paycheck to paycheck, scraping together our bills and living with his parents.

For the next 5 years.

And that's under the assumption that we don't go further into the hole during this current period of unemployment.

We (again) revisited my going back to work, but it's been four years, and my health is worse now than it was then. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not sure I could handle working 40 hrs a week again....

And as we discovered before, a child in full time daycare would cost the bulk of my paycheck. Two would most likely take the rest and then some.

Two working parents for one income?

Where's the gain in that?

I can't even begin to express how defeated/beat down we feel.

Yes, we have a roof over our heads, and yes, we have food in our stomachs, but none of it is OURS.

How long can we live here?

How long can we not even really make ends meet?

How long will it take to recover from this setback and what will be left when we do?

It may sound nihilist or overly dramatic, but as I've said before, it's about the money--the math.

If the numbers don't add up, then you can't solve the problem.

And beyond that, you can't just break even. 

There HAS to be a surplus.

Continually breaking even makes for no forward movement, and doesn't allow for any error.

The smallest of miscalculations send you straight back to the red.

This has been our lives for the last 5 years.

The debts keep rooting deeper and the stakes keep climbing higher.

We never thought our lives would be this way, that we'd be bringing two children into it....

Where the HELL did we go wrong?

More importantly--

How the FUCK do we get out of this cycle?

Not quite sure we even know how to breathe at this point.


thepsychobabble said...

Jayne, I'm not sure where you are at, but in the US, some states offer child-care subsidies for low-income families. It was the only thing that made my going back to work last year actually a viable choice.

Leighannn said...

I am going to find a way to help you.
I don't know how yet... but I'm going to find a way!
I'm serious.
I'll email you in a bit.
Love you.

Anonymous said...

The state medi-cal will give you emergency insurance because you're pregnant. Also, get WIC, that will help with groceries. These are means I used having been pregnant twice with no insurance. Take a deep breath, because your health and babies health are the most important. It can only go up!!

Anonymous said...

In addition to WIC and medi-cal, there's also housing and cash aid. California will even pay for your cell phone as part of social aid. The state does actually do a lot to help people out when they need it. I will keep you in my prayers.

Jenna said...

reading and praying and sending strength, wisdom, clarity, hope, employment, health, and comfort vibes to you. Im so sorry youre in so much pain and feel so defeated. Im grateful that youre talking and reaching out. Love you. So much.

Anonymous said...

And unemployment checks at the very least, right? Great ideas from everyone. I know that this feels horrific but you have so many good friends and family that are looking after you to make sure that you will come out on the other side.

shannon milliorn said...

i am sure you have considered this option but if the debt is what is keeping you anchored down--look into bankruptcy. there's more than just one type/kind. we filed chapter 13 in tx. we make monthly payments and keep a pretty good credit score. let me know if you want more info.

Robin | Farewell, Stranger said...

Oh my friend, I've been horribly sick and blah blah blah so I missed this. I'm so sorry to hear this. (And really? No severance? Is that even legal?) Sending you all the lucky vibes I can muster.