Saturday, May 19, 2012

2.5 years...

So when O is 5 and P is 2ish?

And I start chattering on about how I want another baby?

Do a girl a solid and just slap a bitch.

I cannot do this again.

As I'm sure I'll get momnesia, and spout drivel like:

"But vasectomies are reversible, and we're so YOUNG..."

Step in, friends.
Cut that shit off at the pass.

I am fucking miserable.

Which I HATE saying because I feel so incredibly LUCKY to be having a 2nd child.

I know their are women out there who would give their left tit to be where I am, and I wouldn't give this, or my coming daughter up for the WORLD, but never again.

I was miserable with O too.

I didn't have any idea what pregnancy would be like for me with Cerebral Palsy, Chronic Pain, Depression, and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome on top of just the general issues that all women experience while pregnant...

Needless to say, it was a party.

A pain-filled, excruciating and exhausting party.

I learned quickly that my body was not quite designed to be pregnant, and getting...or should I say STAYING pregnant just made it angry.


Knowing before O was even born that despite it all, I would want to do it again...

I had really hoped that if I could finally get through a full term pregnancy, maybe the 2nd time around would be easier.

My body would be acclimated.
The transition would be waaay easier.
Be like riding a bike, right?

[side-note? I can't ride a bike. Oops.]

Ummm, yeah. Not so much.

We're back to a world of pain and mind-numbing exhaustion.

New and Improved with a Toddler and an unemployed husband!


Yesterday was a bad day.
I was so tired, I couldn't see straight, so the Huz convinced me to get in my recliner and take a nap...

But everything hurt.
And I just wanted to lay down like a normal person.

Wrangling my ass into bed was no easy feat, and I knew it was a bad idea, but I was determined to LAY DOWN.

My body and joints said NAY.
And the endeavor ended in tears.
Plus profanity.

Most days are like this and it gets a little harder every week...

[C'mon July 30th!]

But I love being a mom, and we felt it was really important for O to have a sibling.

I can't wait to meet P.
To squeeze her.
To festoon her little head with bows.
To watch O and P grow up together.

All of this is worth it.
For all of that.


I start getting baby fever for #3?

Put your back into it.
For my sake.

Unless we're adopting.
Shut up.
Totally different.

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