My husband and I are pissed.
Usually- at each other.
Don't get me wrong.
We've had our fights over the years and some have been doozies, necessary ones even, but this is different.
It's daily snipes, annoyances, and small rages that blow over quickly, but but happen all. the. time., leaving us both feeling badly.
The worst part?
The fights are often about nothing.
We both feel angry and stressed and worried and trapped.
Not with/in our marriage, but in our situation.
Which isn't anything new, but the weight is catching up with us in a big, squabbly way...
He's angry that he doesn't have a job.
I'm angry he doesn't have a job.
We're angry that he's applying for jobs daily, but with every app he puts in-- there are literally 200-300 people applying right along with him.
("helpful" new feature on CareerBuilder)
We're angry that instead of moving forward, we're falling behind again, never having moved AHEAD in the first place.
We're angry that our pregnancy can't just be joyful and exciting, because we're too scared shitless about the future...
There's a lot of anger.
That's mostly fear.
We are trying desperately to hold on to gratitude and hope, but the anger-fear is bubbling over.
There are plucky optimistic days, but they're dwindling.
So we find ourselves cagey and irritable, unable to stop ourselves...
Exploding over little things, because there's not a lot of control over the big things.
Maybe it's normal.
To feel this way for awhile.
Perhaps we'll ride the this period of discontent out, and end up with a calmer perspective?
In the meantime, we just have to try and not kill one another.
Because you always hurt the ones you love.
And I really lurrrrve my husband.
I know the feeling is mutual.