As you may have figured out by now, PJ (see what I did there?) isn't feeling well today - what with having an organ removed and all - so I, her Husband, will be the substitute "Jayne" for this post.
I've had the privilege of being a (very) behind-the-scenes player in this blog since the beginning, as either an over-the-shoulder proof-reader (she loves that), or an occasional source of inspiration (I was a Slutty Bee. I regret nothing.), but I think it'll be fun giving the actual writing a try.
Having just read my last sentence, I can tell this is going to suck. You have my condolences: PJ will be back soon, I promise. Let's get this show on the road.
Obviously, the surgery went as expected: completely laproscopic, no complications, etc. There was a small surprise, but we'll get to that in a bit. Let's start the timeline, shall we?
The day starts at 5:30 AM.
This, as you may already know, is not a good time of day for my Wife. In fact, she'd like to believe that mornings start around 10, but our son has confirmed that the ass-crack of dawn is a perfectly acceptable time to wake up.
We make our way to the hospital, and arrive right on time at 7:00 so that we can get prepped for the 9:00 surgery. I notice very few people in the waiting room: good sign, I think. I'm an idiot, so you can guess how this actually turned out.
Three hours later, they wheel her off to the operating room.
Side Note: after spending several hours in a surgical waiting room, I can safely say that Grey's Anatomy is full of shit. I saw dozens of doctors, and there was no McDreamy, no McSteamy, no McNothin'. Well, there was McDumpy, McSchlumpy, McUgly, and McSurly.
Since I'm about as useful as an underwater bicycle at this point, and I'm not going to be needed for another two hours, I decide to get something for breakfast. Not three minutes after I leave the parking lot, I get a call from her surgeon. From the operating room. While she's on the table. Fuck.
Turns out, he found an Umbilical Hernia, and he needed to let me know before he fixed it. How courteous.
Admittedly, I can't really give him any crap, because this guy was clearly very good at his job: he caught an extra problem, fixed it, AND removed the offending Gallbladder in less than an hour. It usually takes me longer to make frickin' spaghetti.
So, at 11:00, I head back to the hospital, and wait for her to get out of recovery.
And wait.
And wait...
And wait.
Seriously? What the hell is going on back there? Cripes, how long has it been?
...Half an hour? Oh. Ok. Well, I'll just sit back down, then. Sorry about that. How long's this supposed to take, again? Hour? Hour and a half? I can handle that.
Three hours.
We got there at 7:00, and left at 2:00. I didn't care; I was just happy to get my Wife back. My sweet, delirious, high-as-a-fucking-kite Wife. She's a peach when she's on drugs - she really is. Remarkably friendly. Cute as button. And funny as hell.
Knowing full well what was in store, I took a video of our conversation during the car ride home. I was originally going to post and/or transcribe it here, but frankly, it just doesn't translate, and PJ would flay me alive if it found its way onto the interwebs. Suffice it to say, it is awesome, and if anyone wants to see it, give me a buzz.
But just so everyone gets a sense of what I had the joy to witness, just imagine a four year old (her voice gets really high-pitched when she's under the influence; no idea why, but it's awesome.) juxtaposing questions about the existence of her own belly button with discussions of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, Cotton Balls and Death (sounds like an amazing band), and graham crackers. It was beautiful.
Anyway, that's all for now - thanks for tolerating me while you could, and JPJ will be back next post!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
365 Days of Sunshine.
My little O is one today! He has been on this earth for an ENTIRE year.
How did this happen?! I was warned about the speed at which his babyhood would pass me by, and even so- It takes my breath away...
My Darling Bubu,
Happy Birthday, Love! You don't know what birthdays are yet, but you will!
And you're gonna loooove them!
A birthday is the day that your family and friends celebrate the day that you were born-showering you with joy because of the happiness your birth has brought them. Plus? There's always cake and ice cream....
The day you were born was the most amazing day of my life. It was what I had been waiting for-for a very long time. MORE than worth the wait!! You are the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen, but more than that, you have a beautiful heart. I know that you will grow up to be a good man. You always make me proud. You've given me a peace and a joy that I never thought was possible. You make me laugh every single day, and I am sooooooo lucky to be your Mommy.
I promise to do my best to be worthy of this honor. We may not always agree or see eye-to-eye. There are times where we will be angry at each other, or make one another sad, even though we didn't mean to...whatever happens, know that I love you. I will always do everything in my power to make you feel safe, secure, happy and loved. My love is, and always will be, unconditional. Nothing you can ever do will make me love you less. I promise to listen, to share, to hear you. I will make mistakes, (but you'll learn that we all do) and I will strive to learn from those mistakes so I can be an even better Mommy.
You are never a burden or obligation, you are a gift. You are my 365 days of Sunshine. I can't ever thank you enough.
Happy First Birthday, Sweetpea! You have so many to come, and I'm so excited to see the fantastic person you will be with each passing one. I love you with all the love in the WORLD.
Kisses,
Mommy
How did this happen?! I was warned about the speed at which his babyhood would pass me by, and even so- It takes my breath away...
My Darling Bubu,
Happy Birthday, Love! You don't know what birthdays are yet, but you will!
And you're gonna loooove them!
A birthday is the day that your family and friends celebrate the day that you were born-showering you with joy because of the happiness your birth has brought them. Plus? There's always cake and ice cream....
The day you were born was the most amazing day of my life. It was what I had been waiting for-for a very long time. MORE than worth the wait!! You are the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen, but more than that, you have a beautiful heart. I know that you will grow up to be a good man. You always make me proud. You've given me a peace and a joy that I never thought was possible. You make me laugh every single day, and I am sooooooo lucky to be your Mommy.
I promise to do my best to be worthy of this honor. We may not always agree or see eye-to-eye. There are times where we will be angry at each other, or make one another sad, even though we didn't mean to...whatever happens, know that I love you. I will always do everything in my power to make you feel safe, secure, happy and loved. My love is, and always will be, unconditional. Nothing you can ever do will make me love you less. I promise to listen, to share, to hear you. I will make mistakes, (but you'll learn that we all do) and I will strive to learn from those mistakes so I can be an even better Mommy.
You are never a burden or obligation, you are a gift. You are my 365 days of Sunshine. I can't ever thank you enough.
Happy First Birthday, Sweetpea! You have so many to come, and I'm so excited to see the fantastic person you will be with each passing one. I love you with all the love in the WORLD.
Kisses,
Mommy
 |
| One Day... |
 |
| One YEAR! |
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Ain't that a kick in the Teeth?
As my lovely readers may have figured out, things have been a little less than rosy around here...
I can't really say it's lookin' up.
Monday, I got a notice from Medi-Cal that my Share-of-Cost coverage was terminated as of the 1st of October.
Ummmm, come again?!
I have a SURGERY scheduled on Friday. THIS FRIDAY.
Immediately filled with the urge to vomit, I tried not to panic. There's was nothing I could do until the next morning...
My fervent hope is that I would call Medi-Cal and it would all be some silly misunderstanding...
Ooops! "Silly Us!" They would say.
Yeah, NOTSOMUCH.
My insurance is canceled. As I am no longer pregnant, O is no longer an infant and I happen to be married, we no longer qualify for squat.
Our income is "too high" (tell that to our bank account) and we are an "in-tact" family, therefore ineligible for aid.
Since when is being a stable family a bad thing?
It is in the eyes on Medi-Cal.
I was able however, to skim under the radar somehow, and since my surgery was already approved, it will be covered with the $2000 co-pay.
BUT, any medical care costs or anything related to the surgery/post-op that occurs AFTER the 31st of October will be our responsibility 100%.
Yippee?
Please cross your fingers for me that the surgery goes smoothly and is laproscopic, so it can be considered an out-patient procedure. If they have to go in all Mash-style, I'll be laid up in the hospital for a few days, and we don't have that kind of scratch....
Hey, did I mention that we also need a new car? SchWEET.
PS. O's Birthday Bash was Fab! I will post as SOON as I get all the pictures!
I can't really say it's lookin' up.
Monday, I got a notice from Medi-Cal that my Share-of-Cost coverage was terminated as of the 1st of October.
Ummmm, come again?!
I have a SURGERY scheduled on Friday. THIS FRIDAY.
Immediately filled with the urge to vomit, I tried not to panic. There's was nothing I could do until the next morning...
My fervent hope is that I would call Medi-Cal and it would all be some silly misunderstanding...
Ooops! "Silly Us!" They would say.
Yeah, NOTSOMUCH.
My insurance is canceled. As I am no longer pregnant, O is no longer an infant and I happen to be married, we no longer qualify for squat.
Our income is "too high" (tell that to our bank account) and we are an "in-tact" family, therefore ineligible for aid.
Since when is being a stable family a bad thing?
It is in the eyes on Medi-Cal.
I was able however, to skim under the radar somehow, and since my surgery was already approved, it will be covered with the $2000 co-pay.
BUT, any medical care costs or anything related to the surgery/post-op that occurs AFTER the 31st of October will be our responsibility 100%.
Yippee?
Please cross your fingers for me that the surgery goes smoothly and is laproscopic, so it can be considered an out-patient procedure. If they have to go in all Mash-style, I'll be laid up in the hospital for a few days, and we don't have that kind of scratch....
Hey, did I mention that we also need a new car? SchWEET.
PS. O's Birthday Bash was Fab! I will post as SOON as I get all the pictures!
Friday, October 22, 2010
I just checked on my son...
Asleep. So sweet and innocent.
I love him. To the point where it's often hard to breathe- because the sheer enormity of the love I have for him feels like it might overwhelm me...
He is what I have dreamed of.
He is what I have lost...
and found again.
Tomorrow is his first birthday party. His actual birthday is Thursday.
I can't believe we've already come to the year-mark.
It feels like yesterday-yet, since the beginning of time?
It's been quite the journey....
Tonight as I brushed his hair from his forehead, I was reminded of this:
For my Child-Whom I shall never meet.
Breathe.
Watching you sleep puts the world
In perspective
There is peace
(however fleeting)
Cynicism has no place
Where you dream
I will lie beside you
And find
myself.
(December 17th 2003)
It is strangely just as true now as I wanted it to be then.
Which is oddly comforting.
Goodnight, my Darlings.
I love him. To the point where it's often hard to breathe- because the sheer enormity of the love I have for him feels like it might overwhelm me...
He is what I have dreamed of.
He is what I have lost...
and found again.
Tomorrow is his first birthday party. His actual birthday is Thursday.
I can't believe we've already come to the year-mark.
It feels like yesterday-yet, since the beginning of time?
It's been quite the journey....
Tonight as I brushed his hair from his forehead, I was reminded of this:
For my Child-Whom I shall never meet.
Breathe.
Watching you sleep puts the world
In perspective
There is peace
(however fleeting)
Cynicism has no place
Where you dream
I will lie beside you
And find
myself.
(December 17th 2003)
It is strangely just as true now as I wanted it to be then.
Which is oddly comforting.
Goodnight, my Darlings.
Gall-Gate 2010: The Final Showdown
Woke up at 2 (after falling asleep at 12:30ish) with another gall bladder attack.
Complete with nausea!
Been up since then!
::DELIRIUM!::
I think this makes I think this rounds me up to a solid ten.
No big deal, right?
Who doesn't love a wake up call O' pain?
Me, that's who.
But that bastard's days as my gall bladder are numbered.
Surgery is set for next Friday.
10-29-10.
I'mrelieved freaked.
What if I die?
Who will take care of my boys?
Totally not how I wanna go out!
Death by gall bladder?
That's just insulting. Thankyouverymuch!
(I know I probably WON'T die, but neuroses are hard to control on no sleep)
The surgeon hopes to do it via laproscopic, but won't know 'til he's all up in there whether I'll have to be filleted or not...
...So waking up will be all surprisey and stuff.
Yay Surprises!
PS. The GastroGuy called and it looks like I don't have colon cancer/ulcerative collitis/Celiac disease/etc. It's just probably Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Could I BE any sexier right now? Honestly.
PPS. Question: Why are my insides so effing pissy? Whatta bunch of Bitches.
Complete with nausea!
Been up since then!
::DELIRIUM!::
I think this makes I think this rounds me up to a solid ten.
No big deal, right?
Who doesn't love a wake up call O' pain?
Me, that's who.
But that bastard's days as my gall bladder are numbered.
Surgery is set for next Friday.
10-29-10.
I'm
What if I die?
Who will take care of my boys?
Totally not how I wanna go out!
Death by gall bladder?
That's just insulting. Thankyouverymuch!
(I know I probably WON'T die, but neuroses are hard to control on no sleep)
The surgeon hopes to do it via laproscopic, but won't know 'til he's all up in there whether I'll have to be filleted or not...
...So waking up will be all surprisey and stuff.
Yay Surprises!
PS. The GastroGuy called and it looks like I don't have colon cancer/ulcerative collitis/Celiac disease/etc. It's just probably Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Could I BE any sexier right now? Honestly.
PPS. Question: Why are my insides so effing pissy? Whatta bunch of Bitches.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The "D" Word.
No, not Divorce.
(Calm down, Querido.)
Depression.
I am depressed. As much as it PAINS me to admit it, it's true.
Tuesday night, I woke up in the middle of the night to pee...You know, like ya do...
As I sat down to take care of business in the silent darkness of 2am, I just lost it.
I sat there sobbing like a child for a good 30 minutes, desperately trying to muffle myself so I wouldn't wake the Husband or the Boy.
Unfortunately, I DID wake my Hubs, who panicked and wanted to know what was wrong.
I couldn't answer...
Nothing? Something? Everything? ME?
We got back into bed and he held me while I cried some more.
As the tears subsided and his snores started, I realized that I was depressed.
(I know-I'm THAT quick)
SuperFuckingSadExhaustedAngryOverwhelmingly DEEEEpressed.
I mean, I've battled depression my whole life, so I know the signs, but I kept finding ways to tamp it down or skirt the issue...I don't have time to be down, G-ddamnit! I'm already Physically DOWN as it is.
But that's the funny thing about depression. It doesn't give a SHIT about what you want or have going on, it's going to take root anyway.
Sometimes I can fend it off, sometimes I can't.
And I don't like talking about it.
The subject makes people nervous, and they spout superficial platitudes at you in an effort to help, but instead just culminate in you feeling like an ungrateful asshole.
I loathe feeling this way.
I'm good during the day, as I have to be. I can put on that happy face.
But at night, after everyone goes to bed, not.so.much.
Even the Hubs is depressed.
We're a sad lot around here. No pun intended...HA!
We just have so much stacked against us, and we need help, but no help is coming.
Instead, we just get "shoulded" to death, with no practical applications (or resources) as for how to fulfill that list...
We're barely treading water, but if we were "responsible" we'd be doing more...
It's enough to drive a person crazy. Oh, Wait......
(Calm down, Querido.)
Depression.
I am depressed. As much as it PAINS me to admit it, it's true.
Tuesday night, I woke up in the middle of the night to pee...You know, like ya do...
As I sat down to take care of business in the silent darkness of 2am, I just lost it.
I sat there sobbing like a child for a good 30 minutes, desperately trying to muffle myself so I wouldn't wake the Husband or the Boy.
Unfortunately, I DID wake my Hubs, who panicked and wanted to know what was wrong.
I couldn't answer...
Nothing? Something? Everything? ME?
We got back into bed and he held me while I cried some more.
As the tears subsided and his snores started, I realized that I was depressed.
(I know-I'm THAT quick)
SuperFuckingSadExhaustedAngryOverwhelmingly DEEEEpressed.
I mean, I've battled depression my whole life, so I know the signs, but I kept finding ways to tamp it down or skirt the issue...I don't have time to be down, G-ddamnit! I'm already Physically DOWN as it is.
But that's the funny thing about depression. It doesn't give a SHIT about what you want or have going on, it's going to take root anyway.
Sometimes I can fend it off, sometimes I can't.
And I don't like talking about it.
The subject makes people nervous, and they spout superficial platitudes at you in an effort to help, but instead just culminate in you feeling like an ungrateful asshole.
I loathe feeling this way.
I'm good during the day, as I have to be. I can put on that happy face.
But at night, after everyone goes to bed, not.so.much.
Even the Hubs is depressed.
We're a sad lot around here. No pun intended...HA!
We just have so much stacked against us, and we need help, but no help is coming.
Instead, we just get "shoulded" to death, with no practical applications (or resources) as for how to fulfill that list...
We're barely treading water, but if we were "responsible" we'd be doing more...
It's enough to drive a person crazy. Oh, Wait......
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
NOH8. Today or EVER.
In honor of GLBT Spirit Day, This is my Facebook Status Today:
Rock your purple today, friends. Adults and CHILDREN across the country (the world) are suffering abuse and dying due to hatred, intolerance, and hopelessness. NOT because of their own "choices". It is NEVER okay for a person, let alone a child, die or be tortured because they are different. To all of the GLBT community out there: I support you and ♥ you! Stay strong. You are not alone. You are not forsaken.
I stand by that statement. Wholeheartedly. I cannot and DO NOT believe that homosexuality/being transgendered is a choice.
{I know the scriptures, I do. Please refrain from bombarding me with them.}
I'll say it again:
I believe with every fiber of my being that it is not a choice. Nor is it a mistake, a mental illness, or an abomination.
It is as natural as my heterosexuality.
If that offends you, that is your choice.
I am not going to attempt to change your mind-just stating mine.
I will ask this though of those who don't support Gay Rights/The GLBT community:
Despite your personal opinions or religious convictions, find it in your heart to show some support today for the kids who have died or are struggling because of anti-gay bullying/torturing.
They were not/are not degenerates trying to tear the moral fabric of society or dethrone whatever G-d you follow, they are CHILDREN who are trying to find out who they are. Where they fit, and what love is.
They are your children and they are mine. They deserve our love, support and protection.
They deserve Hope. Not Hate.
Rock your purple today, friends. Adults and CHILDREN across the country (the world) are suffering abuse and dying due to hatred, intolerance, and hopelessness. NOT because of their own "choices". It is NEVER okay for a person, let alone a child, die or be tortured because they are different. To all of the GLBT community out there: I support you and ♥ you! Stay strong. You are not alone. You are not forsaken.
I stand by that statement. Wholeheartedly. I cannot and DO NOT believe that homosexuality/being transgendered is a choice.
{I know the scriptures, I do. Please refrain from bombarding me with them.}
I'll say it again:
I believe with every fiber of my being that it is not a choice. Nor is it a mistake, a mental illness, or an abomination.
It is as natural as my heterosexuality.
If that offends you, that is your choice.
I am not going to attempt to change your mind-just stating mine.
I will ask this though of those who don't support Gay Rights/The GLBT community:
Despite your personal opinions or religious convictions, find it in your heart to show some support today for the kids who have died or are struggling because of anti-gay bullying/torturing.
They were not/are not degenerates trying to tear the moral fabric of society or dethrone whatever G-d you follow, they are CHILDREN who are trying to find out who they are. Where they fit, and what love is.
They are your children and they are mine. They deserve our love, support and protection.
They deserve Hope. Not Hate.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)