Wednesday, January 26, 2011

P stands for "Pain in the Proverbial Pooper"

Not that it's a shocker, but I'm not so good at being an optimist.

But, I decided that I would try harder to cast a rosy glow onto whatever I could, and keep sippin' on that damn half-full glass o' life (not to be confused with "the Kool-Ade").

[It's all irritating as shit.]

I've spent the last 6 months or so, repeating this to myself:

"be Positive-be Patient-be Proactive!"


They are my P's of Peacefulness!

I thought it would help me be less stressed.  That by surrendering to patience (however violently, ahem.), I would begin to see how change comes in small, but important ways.  By taking a proactive stance, I would participate in making my life better and get to where I (and my family) needed to be, but I wouldn't be trying to FORCE life to is my usual MO.

I would be calm and serene.  I would be living in the moment.  Appreciating things in their own time.

Friends?  I am so not that fucking person.

You know what helps me to get through the day?

Planning for and expecting the worst. Truly, it does.

In doing so, I know what I  might be up against, and I have a plan! Or, at the very least, I've steeled myself for battle and will not be caught unawares if calamity is to strike.

Bestest part?

When the worst doesn't happen (which is kinda rare in neck of the woods), or falls below the level of expectation, it's a nice surprise! A breath of fresh air.

SADLY, today, I was caught unawares.
Positivity clouded my judgment!
Damn sunshiney rays blinded me to reality...

We are budgeted to the nickel.
And, to kick off 2011,
we just started paying my in-laws rent,
AND our car payments started up.

So that nickel is all the more teensy....

 Positive, albeit, money-draining changes.

Heeeey, though!  Turn that frown upside down!  We were gonna make it!  It'll be fine!  Husband's totally gonna find extra work ANY DAY NOW, and that will loosen the belt FOR SURE!

Sure, there was no way that my husband could ever take a sick day on this budget, but that NEVER happens...even when he is a little under the weather, he makes it to work!

Until he wakes up at 4am to have a vomitfest this morning. No work for you, pukey!

 Craptacular. I did not budget for this.
Curse you, Freaking Optimism!

Did I mention that we're already counting down the days and the pennies 'til next payday?

(10, in case you were wondering...)

This, darling readers, is why I'd  pick my P's to propose:

"be Pragmatic-be Planning-be Prepared (for the worst!)!"

They are my P's of Progress!
They just aid in making life's bitter pills a little bit sweeter....

For Me, anyway.


kristi said...

Sorry to hear about the plague (that's a P word!) hitting your pad. How is one to prepare or plan ahead for a pukefest?

he calls me wifey said...

I think that if getting you through the day is to prepare for the worst and let optimism fly out the window, then more power to you. Seriously.

You know I'm always praying for you and your little family, but I'm not going to offer you optimistic fake smiles to make you feel better because you don't need that. What I can do is be here for you anytime you need to vent.

I love you, dear friend. You'll make it through, even if making it through means waiting for that disaster that's right around the corner and being ready for it when it strikes.

JayneSees said...

Yeah-Thanks so much for this comment! I really appreciate it. It's not optimism as a whole that I have a problem with, it's that "forced cheerfulness" and "fantasyland optimism" that we seem to be forcing ourselves into as a society. Nothing is ever allowed to not be okay. Any time someone mentions about how a portion or a time in life is hard, they are bombarded with reasons as to why it's "not that bad" and why the person should be happy. Planning for the possibility of hard times has become a character flaw. Acknowledging the toll that hardships take on you/your family has somehow been translated into ungratefulness. Rough times are turned into "blessings in disguise", disappointments become "lessons that needed to be learned", disasters are not disastrous, but a healthy dose of character-building--and so on...while I absolutely believe that you need to look for the good in your life and not wallow in negativity, I think we need to be a bit more realistic with ourselves. Sometimes life is hard. Really fucking hard, and things don't always work out for the best. Most lives are not going to just fall together happily in our laps. It takes work and planning and honesty about what lies ahead. And sometimes, even with all the planning or smiles in the world? It's not so positive. I wish that that could be talked about without the penalty of the label of Negative Nelly McUnappreciative Pants.
Anyway, thank you for letting me be me. Sorry for the rant! Love you!

he calls me wifey said...

Sorry for replying to this comment so late, buuuut...

I TOTALLY agree with you. 100%.

What the hell is wrong with just throwing your hands in the air and saying, "I'm not sorry! Life sucks right now. Let me VENT!"?

Nothing. I totally get what you're trying to say. It makes perfect sense. I couldn't have said it better.