Today...

Last night we were rear-ended by a teenager.

((It was really fucking scary for a few minutes...the way car accidents usually are. Minutes that feel like eternity))

We're fine, the baby is fine, and our car is kinda fucked up.

Several hours, an exchange of information and an ER visit later, the accident was over...

But all I could think about was how that accident didn't bode well for today ...

At 1:30 I had my colposcopy.
First thing my OB said was:

This will take maybe 5 minutes--

It's safe for the baby, and we won't risk biopsying anything because of the potential harm to the pregnancy, UNLESS something is seen which could indicate the cells are already cancerous/invasive.

Fifteen minutes into them rooting around in my nether-regions, Dr. OB announces:

I need to do a biopsy.

Oh.Fuck.Me.

I was told over and over that there would be NO biopsies unless they saw cancer...

They finish up, and he tells me to meet him in his office...

I lose my shit.

Sitting in his office I'm told that I have a field of severe precancerous cells present, which he had expected given the pap, but unfortunately he also saw with a small area where the cell changes were cause for "concern."

I'm panicked, guys.

My OB told me to stay calm, because possibly? It's nothing.

Or, ya know, it's CERVICAL CANCER.

The alarm over having cancer is secondary at best.

I just want to have my baby.

[Well, and not die from cancer, but I think that goes without saying...]


Stay Calm?

I'm having trouble with the idea of calm right now.

I should have definitive answers by the beginning of next week.

Keep a good thought for us, would you?

I sorta feel like I'm running out of air...