Thursday, January 26, 2012

Today...

Last night we were rear-ended by a teenager.

((It was really fucking scary for a few minutes...the way car accidents usually are. Minutes that feel like eternity))

We're fine, the baby is fine, and our car is kinda fucked up.

Several hours, an exchange of information and an ER visit later, the accident was over...

But all I could think about was how that accident didn't bode well for today ...

At 1:30 I had my colposcopy.
First thing my OB said was:

This will take maybe 5 minutes--

It's safe for the baby, and we won't risk biopsying anything because of the potential harm to the pregnancy, UNLESS something is seen which could indicate the cells are already cancerous/invasive.

Fifteen minutes into them rooting around in my nether-regions, Dr. OB announces:

I need to do a biopsy.

Oh.Fuck.Me.

I was told over and over that there would be NO biopsies unless they saw cancer...

They finish up, and he tells me to meet him in his office...

I lose my shit.

Sitting in his office I'm told that I have a field of severe precancerous cells present, which he had expected given the pap, but unfortunately he also saw with a small area where the cell changes were cause for "concern."

I'm panicked, guys.

My OB told me to stay calm, because possibly? It's nothing.

Or, ya know, it's CERVICAL CANCER.

The alarm over having cancer is secondary at best.

I just want to have my baby.

[Well, and not die from cancer, but I think that goes without saying...]


Stay Calm?

I'm having trouble with the idea of calm right now.

I should have definitive answers by the beginning of next week.

Keep a good thought for us, would you?

I sorta feel like I'm running out of air...

11 comments:

thepsychobabble said...

Sending many good thoughts your way

Cave Momma said...

Tons of hugs and thoughts your way, love.

Stasha said...

Always thinking about you. . .

Sending positive thoughts and warm hugs your way.

Sarah said...

Hi Jayne, not sure how I came to start following your blog, but was just catching up on it today. I will be sending good thoughts your way, and sending up a prayer or two for good measure.

Anonymous said...

Huge Hugs and prayers. I love you.

Amy - Hamlet's Mistress said...

Thinking and praying for you. Sending you good vibes and everything else I can think to do!!

Anonymous said...

Thoughts and prayers for you tonight, girl :(

Leighannn said...

I am praying for you my friend.
Thinking of you, your family, and that baby.
xo

Crown'd Vic said...

GAH! your world is such a roller-coaster right now! I feel for you. Keeping you ever in my thoughts & prayers.
((((HUGS!))))

Endellion said...

i'm going to kick your doctors ass if they keep drawing this out. the stress they are are putting you under is unacceptable

Chibi said...

Shitfuckhelldamn. :( Oh, honey. Sending all my love, hope, strength, courage, and prayers to you all. You're all in my thoughts. <3