Tuesday, November 9, 2010

It would be almost Funny...

If it didn't potentially involve cancer.

My Darling Hubs found a lump in his testicle.
On the 30th anniversary weekend of when his father discovered that HE had testicular cancer...
Awesome, right?

He went to the doctor yesterday, and was told that it was probably a blocked vesicle or something else of a non-cancery nature, but the doc can't be sure, and there is a family history....soooooo:

He's having an ultrasound this afternoon to try and confirm the nature of the lump.

Despite my best efforts, I vacillate between rage and despair.

I'm repeatedly telling myself that it's not cancer and that the tests are going to be fine, but even if they are (and I can't BREATHE until I know for sure)--

Are you efffing KIDDING ME? With all that we are struggling with, Life's just gonna throw a cancer-scare in there for shits and giggles? It's just too much.

I was already depressed as hell, and I can't say this is helping. Even poor hubby has cracked...

We need some pure, unadulterated, good fortune to come our way with a damn quickness. PLEASE.

If that weren't enough, they're trying to deny my insurance coverage.


I'm hoping it's just a clerical error, but I have yet to get on the phone with an actual person to find out. I loathe, LOATHE automated systems...

If they want more money, they are S-O-frikkenL. We don't have anymore money. Especially with all of the time Spouseface has had to take off given the various health upsets. I don't think he's gotten a full 40 hr check in two months, which is, ya know, "helpful" and stuff....

As far as post-surgical-update:

I'm doing okay. I had some complications with my pain meds and ended up in the ER on the Saturday night after my surgery, but they switched them and fixed that problem. The pain was FAR worse than I had expected, as was my lack of mobility and the fatigue. Thankfully, the pain is manageable now...I still can't bend, twist or pick up/carry O (which breaks my heart), but at  least I can finally walk around . The fatigue, however, is crushing me.

I suppose I should've seen that coming, given I already have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but I was still caught off-guard... (E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D. Dead. Sadness.)...
maybe because lapro-surgery is made to sound so easy-peezy. It's not, just-so-you-know.

Sure, it's better than open surgery, but it's STILL MAJOR SURGERY. I think the fact that it's out-patient is a little dangerous, honestly.

That about sums it up. I'm pained, exhausted, kinda heartbroken (on many levels), and financially tapped OUT, but no gall bladder attacks or unexplained abdominal pain (the hernia), so HEY, that's great!

Or Something Like That....

Please keep my sweet Husbandface in your thoughts. We are doing are best to keep our chins up, and expect the best, but I know he's scared (I'm terrified), and we could use all the luck we can get. Hopefully the scans today are all negative (in the positive way) and happy.

I'll keep you updated...


he calls me wifey said...

My dear, sweet friend,

I am SO, SO sorry about Will and of course about your post-surgery pain and fatigue, as well as your insurance issues.

My heart has seriously sunk for you and Will, but (I know that you know) I will be praying for you and especially right now for hubs.

Please, please keep us updated, love!

kerry said...

mom i am praying for healing through and through for you and your husband.

my boyfriend is a survivor of testicular cancer. he self diagnosed himself at 22, and went through gnarly chemo. after a year, was in remission. He is now going on 6 years cancer-free.if your hubby needs anyone to talk to about it, my dude is totally available.

i love you very much, stay strong. xo.

JennyLou said...

Courtney, my dear dear friend,
I feel like the things I have experienced do not even compare to what you are going through, but I have been through times like this. Last year was like the worst ever for me. It seemed like every other week I was hit by something else. It sounds like you are going through that, only magnifyed about a hundred times! Hang in there because sooner or later things HAVE to start going up!!!! I love you and am thinking about you and hubby and praying like crazy!!!

Happy Fun Pants said...

That's pretty similar to my experience - post surgical. In that it sucks and there are complications.

About your husbandface...I hope that you all will at least know what you're dealing with - somehow things seem less scary when that's the case...or at least that's my take on it.

HUGS to you!