Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Looking for the Buddy to my Bosom. Wait, no....

No one wants to be "that" mom...

The mom that is always inappropriately dressed....

Boobs 'a Brazen-
Too Much for Tots-
Cut Down to her Carnals- kind of Mama.

We'll all seen it.
We've all sighed
Shook our heads...

Guys?

I feel like I'm totally that mom at play gym....

I've got some boobs. Always have.

42 F is not something that goes unnoticed.

They announce themselves before I even finish coming thru the door.

It's a little less alarming now that I'm a bigger girl (sigh), but they still say hello to ya right off that bat...

Just cover them up, right? A good turtleneck, and we're on the modesty train! Chaaaaaste! Chaaaaste!



But I fucking.hate.turtlenecks.
I hate anything high-necked.
I have a hard time wearing collared shirts.
I don't like anything around my neck.
It's tough to even wear necklaces sometimes.

So I tend to wear v-necks, tanks, and the like.

But when you're heftin' that much up top?  Everything is a "tit-top."  Cleavage Carnivale!

Before I became a Mama-not much of an issue, the cleaves of my bosoms were tasteful (most of the time. Ahem.) --but now that I have a little monkey who uses the fronts of my shirts as leverage, and needs me to bend over and crawl around on the floor?   NotSoMUCH.



I am sooooo that mom.
Whether I mean to be or not.
Crap.

This is a real issue with me. I have a "thing"about my neck.

But you can't exactly say:

Hey, fellow parents! While I know you may think I'm the trashy mom that's trying to flash her goods and steal a husband-it's actually QUITE the funny story.... You see, as a kid, I got the shit choked out of me a lot.  So stuff around my neck? Not too comfy. So, now you know this is all a silly misunderstanding!  We're all totally gonna laugh about this later, right?  Right??!

That little anecdote is bombing with the "Circle Time crowd," for sure.


Then a flash of brilliance!  I'll wear my husband's tees to play gym!  Yes!  Coverage!
The neck will drive me nuts, but I don't care!  I want to make friends, damn it!

Then I put one on and realized that I was fast-tracking myself onto an episode of  What Not To Wear, right quick....

Shit.

In South County OC, being the frumpy mom is seen as waaay worse than the breasty mom...True.Story.

Normally, I wouldn't give two shits about what someone thought of me, but when little ones are involved, it's good to toe the line a bit...have I mentioned that I want to make friends? Just one? Maybe?


My plan is this:

I can't go out and get a new wardrobe at the moment, so I'm going to go the undershirt route...men's, that is....

ModelMan's a little chesty himself...

I think these will work under a cuter top...not the epitome of a fashionista, but please.  I wasn't ever in that category anyway.  Best part? My neck is free, but the girls are locked down! Yay!

It's worth a shot, no?



We'll see what develops.....


[snicker.]

7 comments:

he calls me wifey said...

WHY ARE YOU SO FREAKING HILARIOUS?!?!

oh boy I seriously loved this so much.

hastaclaridad said...

Tip-tops. I love it. And I understand. I can make a modest shirt looks obscene. Anybody who bitches about small boobs is welcome to have some of mine. Ugh!

Endellion said...

i want to be that mom, i want to have that mom, will you be my mommy?

Kacie said...

i was seriously trying not to laugh out loud (at work) reading this.

holy mother of pearl.
you are funny.

JayneSees said...

eah-Because you love me? Ha!

HC-Ughhh. I know, right? I'm only thankful b/c at least they balance out my belly...

Ends-Yes. I'll totally be your mama.

Kacie-Thanks! Holy Mother of Pearl? Stealing that fo sho!

JennyLou said...

OMG... You CRACK me up!!! It took me forever to embrace my cleavage and actually wear v-necks and stuff. But now I find myself wearing it even when around small children, and I so get the issue!!

Kris said...

Hey, you!

I love you and I love this post, but I am going to email you instead of commenting.

I am annoying that way.