Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Looking for the Buddy to my Bosom. Wait, no....

No one wants to be "that" mom...

The mom that is always inappropriately dressed....

Boobs 'a Brazen-
Too Much for Tots-
Cut Down to her Carnals- kind of Mama.

We'll all seen it.
We've all sighed
Shook our heads...


I feel like I'm totally that mom at play gym....

I've got some boobs. Always have.

42 F is not something that goes unnoticed.

They announce themselves before I even finish coming thru the door.

It's a little less alarming now that I'm a bigger girl (sigh), but they still say hello to ya right off that bat...

Just cover them up, right? A good turtleneck, and we're on the modesty train! Chaaaaaste! Chaaaaste!

But I fucking.hate.turtlenecks.
I hate anything high-necked.
I have a hard time wearing collared shirts.
I don't like anything around my neck.
It's tough to even wear necklaces sometimes.

So I tend to wear v-necks, tanks, and the like.

But when you're heftin' that much up top?  Everything is a "tit-top."  Cleavage Carnivale!

Before I became a Mama-not much of an issue, the cleaves of my bosoms were tasteful (most of the time. Ahem.) --but now that I have a little monkey who uses the fronts of my shirts as leverage, and needs me to bend over and crawl around on the floor?   NotSoMUCH.

I am sooooo that mom.
Whether I mean to be or not.

This is a real issue with me. I have a "thing"about my neck.

But you can't exactly say:

Hey, fellow parents! While I know you may think I'm the trashy mom that's trying to flash her goods and steal a husband-it's actually QUITE the funny story.... You see, as a kid, I got the shit choked out of me a lot.  So stuff around my neck? Not too comfy. So, now you know this is all a silly misunderstanding!  We're all totally gonna laugh about this later, right?  Right??!

That little anecdote is bombing with the "Circle Time crowd," for sure.

Then a flash of brilliance!  I'll wear my husband's tees to play gym!  Yes!  Coverage!
The neck will drive me nuts, but I don't care!  I want to make friends, damn it!

Then I put one on and realized that I was fast-tracking myself onto an episode of  What Not To Wear, right quick....


In South County OC, being the frumpy mom is seen as waaay worse than the breasty mom...True.Story.

Normally, I wouldn't give two shits about what someone thought of me, but when little ones are involved, it's good to toe the line a bit...have I mentioned that I want to make friends? Just one? Maybe?

My plan is this:

I can't go out and get a new wardrobe at the moment, so I'm going to go the undershirt's, that is....

ModelMan's a little chesty himself...

I think these will work under a cuter top...not the epitome of a fashionista, but please.  I wasn't ever in that category anyway.  Best part? My neck is free, but the girls are locked down! Yay!

It's worth a shot, no?

We'll see what develops.....



he calls me wifey said...


oh boy I seriously loved this so much.

Anonymous said...

Tip-tops. I love it. And I understand. I can make a modest shirt looks obscene. Anybody who bitches about small boobs is welcome to have some of mine. Ugh!

Endellion said...

i want to be that mom, i want to have that mom, will you be my mommy?

Kacie said...

i was seriously trying not to laugh out loud (at work) reading this.

holy mother of pearl.
you are funny.

JayneSees said...

eah-Because you love me? Ha!

HC-Ughhh. I know, right? I'm only thankful b/c at least they balance out my belly...

Ends-Yes. I'll totally be your mama.

Kacie-Thanks! Holy Mother of Pearl? Stealing that fo sho!

JennyLou said...

OMG... You CRACK me up!!! It took me forever to embrace my cleavage and actually wear v-necks and stuff. But now I find myself wearing it even when around small children, and I so get the issue!!

Kris said...

Hey, you!

I love you and I love this post, but I am going to email you instead of commenting.

I am annoying that way.