Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Why ya gotta do me like that, Valentine's Day?

I'm sorta sappy, and huggy and lovey and stuff.

I adore a good Real-Life love story, I cry at weddings, etc.

It would follow that Valentine's Day would be one of my favorite holidays...

But Valentine's Day can kiss my ass.

It pretty much, without fail, always lets me down.

And it ain't my expectations, I can tell you that much.

I know we've never had any money, so all I really want is a token, a small romantic gesture.

A little bouquet of flowers (from like TJ's, not a doz. roses)...
Maybe a little love note?
Perhaps heart-shaped cookie?
A mix tape?
Or, dinner at our favorite burger hole, but we have to get all dressed up?
A Romantic Movie?
Something that he put some thought into.


But, there's always a road block to my romantical hopes.
My husband.

He is loving and affectionate and wonderful, but he's not romantic.

Our first Valentine's Day together, He bought me a comic book (he also didn't make reservations anywhere, nor were there any flowers or cards to speak of).  I like comic books, but I'm not an avid fan, so I was pretty sure that was his way of telling me he wanted to just be friends....nope, he's just not the romantic sort....


Part of the problem are his delusions of grandeur.
I think he feels like if it doesn't involve diamonds and tropical getaways, it's just not worth doing.
Which in it's own way, is romantic, albeit it completely neurotic.

I will say, this year, was not TOTALLY his fault.

I got sick on Friday, and continued to get worse through the weekend. By yesterday, I was running a fever and could barely breathe.

[Also? On Sunday? My iTouch was accidentally  drowned. Completely.Shitty.Weekend]

So off to the doctor, I went.  Exam, Steroid shot-in-the-ass, xrays and $500 later, I'm sent home with a massive respiratory infection and a prescription.

Really? FML.

(Today, I have a follow up that's probably going to cost me around $200.)

Not feeling the love.

So I call my dear, sweet, husband to tell him what's going on, and also to tell him how much I love him, and he's my favorite Valentine, etc.  Apologize that I couldn't get him a card...which he's understanding about because I'm so ill.  And Frankly? He doesn't really care.  He's a dude.

So on his way home he calls and asks if he can bring me anything home.
When I'm sick, I want Cheezits and Gatorade.  I just do.
So he assures me that he will pick it up and be on his way....

Here's where I should know better. 
He'll come home and hand me Cheezits and Gatorade.
He'll give me a kiss and say how sorry he is that I feel like crap.

But he will not surprise me a card, or flowers, or a Valentine's cookie. No matter how much I hope he will.


He would if I asked him too, but where's the romaticalness in that?

That's RIGHT. There is NONE.


But I know he loves me.  With all his heart.  And?  I did get my Cheezits.

Some girls get candlelight, some get snack crackers.
Love takes all kinds, I guess.

I love you Querido.

I hope you all felt the love this Valentine's Day...in your own "special" way.




he calls me wifey said...

So you're not going to believe me, especially after the post I will publish today, but I understand.

Dave is, by nature, not romantic at all. He was never taught how to be romantic (that's the dad's job right?), their family doesn't even celebrate birthdays (Dave doesn't even get his own family members, including his own mom on Mother's Day, cards on birthdays and holidays... um EXCUSE ME?!).

So I've had to train him. He's still a work in progress, but he has improved.

I can count on one hand how many times he has gotten me flowers, which really isn't all that big of a deal because a) flowers die and b) on the rare occasion that he does get them for me, I feel extra special and surprised.

The thing that I have always done that has helped me through days like Valentine's Day is to expect as little as I can and be pleasantly surprised when he does something sweet.

But I'm telling you, if I hadn't of trained him, I'd be getting nada.

The thing with us is that our "Love Language" is SO NOT "Gift Giving". It is "Acts of Service" and "Words of Affirmation". I feel the most special when he sends me a heartfelt text, or when he randomly writes me a note or card, and especially when he cleans the litter box, takes out the trash, does the dishes, mops the kitchen/living room, cleans the deck, waters the plants for me that I'm killing because I have a black thumb but am still lying to myself about it, etc.

I've had to train myself as well to remember that showing someone you love them doesn't have to involve a bouquet of flowers that will die and a box of chocolates that will make you gain 3 lbs.

So, having said all of that, here's what I suggest you try next year:

1. Prepare him by dropping big hints (actually just outright telling him would work better) that you would like a card, or a single rose, or something small on VDay.

2. Expect that it will go through one ear and out the other.

I hope that there was at least one little thing I said that gave you some encouragement and of course that next VDay is way better than yesterdays was.

I love you gf, and though I know after all I said, if I were you, I'd say "Yeah, yeah I know, but it still sucks."

And it does.

JayneSees said...

Haha. I soooo DO NOT believe you. I kid. I Kid!

I wasn't really all that bummed about it (because I knew that this year had kinda gone outta the window) until I made the mistake of logging onto FB this morning, AND reading others blogs..,then despite myself, I got the Post-Vday blues. Damn Facebook! Ha!

You've met my husband. He's SUCH a sweetheart. But romantic days like Vday and Anniversaries trip him up EVERY TIME. And he totally gets in his own way. If he would just realize that it doesn't have to be an EXTRAVAGANZA every time, nor to I expect it to be, things would go a lot better. Silly man.

So yes, I'm a bit blue, but I know I'm really loved, and that's what truly matters on Valentine's day! (But honey, if you're reading, a card doesn't hurt! ;p)

Love you ABH! I'm glad you and D hade a great night!

he calls me wifey said...

You're husband OBVIOUSLY adores you. Whenever I'm around you two, I can just tell from the way he looks at you and the look in his eyes that you are is number one lady whom he loves deeply.

I've been told the same thing about Dave and it's true. We're lucky to have men in our lives who can't help but tell the world with their eyes how they feel.

And that really is all that matters, right?

And I love you, too!

Cave Momma said...

If it helps, my hubby doesn't believe in flowers or cards. I have received a single rose 2 times in the 10 years we have been together. And maybe 2 cards. Our day was spent at an indoor playground (he was off work) where he helped the kids 90% of the time if any help was needed. And we had dinner out. At Ruby's.

Totally not romantic in any way imaginable. Except for maybe the whole playing with the kids thing.

But I know he loves me. So yeah... right there with ya.

JayneSees said...

Yeah-We are lucky ladies.

CM-At least we feel their love, yeah? It may not come with rose petals and violins, but it's there! Taking the munchkins on at the playground, though? That's pretty smooth! Ha! Who says romance is dead?! :)

Kristina said...

So I feel you - My husband isnt innately romantic at all either. I had to fight him for cards on special occasions. After many arguments, I finally had to pull out the "It makes me feel like I dont matter to you." trip. I know, I know, but when I graduated with my Masters and didnt get any real acknowledgement from him, I was pissed.

I finally convinced him that a *single* token gift would be enough, I even gave him an example - hey, dont get me those over-priced sappy, heart shaped boxes of chocolates, just get me a Twix bar (seriously)! He comes home with a single Ferrero Rocher. HIS favorite chocolate. Really? I told him to try again for the next holiday, and I was serious about the Twix. Meantime, he bought a bag of those mini-Twix...guess who ate the whole bag? Yup. I did. So when Valentines day rolled around this year, I reminded him about the small token Twix. Guess what he came home with....Are you ready for it?



His reasoning? "You like the one with the red on it." Really dude?

Sigh. I so hear you on the romantic thing. !

JayneSees said...

Kristina-I am dying at your comment right now!

Because my husband to make of for V-day, came home on Tuesday night with gifts....

A heart-shaped box of chocolate and jellybeans.

What did I tell him I NEVER wanted for Vday?

Boxed chocolates.

What do I hate?


His reasoning?

The packaging was all Valentinesy.


Ps. What do I SO love?


Honestly Now!

The Sweetest said...

Your husband sounds just like mine. I know he loves me, and I don't expect much. I don't expect anything anymore, really. But it doesn't mean I wouldn't like it. Or that I don't secretly hope for it. Just maybe. Sigh.

Britt said...

At least you got crackers! This year, I got a text that read: "hope you are having a good valentines" from my husband. That. Was. It. I know we have no money, and to be fair, I totally shot myself in the foot by giving him the go ahead and, "lets just not do anything this year since we have no money." But still, much like you, I HOPED for SOMETHING. (Though I will grant that once I saw he did nothing and had no intentions of doing anything, I was able to relax and not do anything more than present the cookies I had partially burned as a token of my own love.)

I'm not a diamond girl; gifts of great extravagance make me feel uncomfortable and indebted, but SOMETHING-- a handwritten note or letter, a flower from the trees outside, a cookie, a candlelit massage, were all within our price range [free].

The thing men really don't get about this stupid holiday, and I will agree it is theoretically stupid as fuck, is that most of us really don't want all the red colored, heart-shaped crap: we just want a day of recognition--and this is where the "theoretically" part comes in is because, unfortunately for most of the population of straight women, men are RETARDED and feel that the whole reason for getting into a serious, long-term relationship is so they, "don't have to play the game anymore"--the game being any outward display of affection and devotion for one's significant other [gods forbid!].

Thankfully for these lovetards, their women, US, signed the contract knowing that the men we love happen to be oblivious, no matter how hard we will ever try to educate them, to the incredibly simple things they can do to make us girls putty. And it is because of their continued failure in this that we continue to rule the world from behind the curtains. Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaa.