Monday, February 28, 2011

If He's Samson and HE'S Delilah, who am I??

Remember when I wrote this post about getting O's hair cut?

I'm fairly certain that by reading that post, it would become CLEAR to you
(or anyone who's literate)
that  I am not ready to part with my son's locks.

My Dearest Spouse?
Didn't get the fucking memo.

He has been on my ass about cutting his hair since O turned 1.  Even before.

It has been a weekly argument.
That always ends in tears.
Mine.

The last time we had the argument, I told him:

I am not ready.  I love his hair.  LOVE.  I am not ready to cut it.  AT ALL.  I know it's long and shaggy, but I ADORE it that way.  It's not hurting anybody!  Leave me be.  I will let you know when I am emotionally composed enough to cut.

Maybe that is  over the top, but I could give a shit.  

And why the fuck this was such an issue for my husband I'll never know.  He's not a rigid guy about hair or dress etc., usually...

The whole thing was really pissing me off.

Then this weekend rolls around, and I had anticipated staying in.
O was sick, and we had already canceled all of our weekend plans, so as not to infect anyone else.

Movies, and Comfies, and Snuggling! Yay!

People?

Instead?

Sobbing and Fighting and Shearing, is what I got.


Husband announces to me, late Saturday afternoon, that we are taking O to get his hair cut.

Ummm, no we are fucking not. The baby is not feeling well. We are.NOT.

Husband says:  Yes we are! And we're bringing my mom!

Are you shitting me?

He is not, friends.  He is serious.

We fight.  It is obvious to anyone with a pulse, that I am not happy.
And he's using his innocent mother as a human shield?
Poor form, Husby. POOR.

I do NOT want this.  I do not agree to this.

 But, I feel badgered to death, I am tired of arguing.  It is obvious, that on this point, my usually sweet partner has a mental block to hearing me on this issue.

So we will go. For Fuck's Sake, we will go.

But this is just a TRIM.  As in his bangs.
So that they are out of his eyes.
(as that seems to be the monumental force behind this movement)

Fine.

I was promised that THAT would be all.

His curls or wispies would not be harmed.

Outright LIES, readers. LIIIIIIIES.

We get to the hair place....
It's brightly colored and has rocket ships.
WooFuckingHoo.

Do you know what I see?

A bunch of little ones getting sheared and sobbing.

I try not to meltdown.
My husband is trying to cajole me.
It will not work.  Do not kid yourself Senor.
I again, make him promise a trim...

It's our turn.

She straps him into his rocket.
The tears start to well...
She puts the smock on.
Tears are rolling...
She asks what we want.
I am sobbing.

Yes, I really was sobbing.  As I may have mentioned? 
I FUCKING LOVE HIS HAIR.
DO NOT TOUCH IT.

I couldn't form a sentence....other than to say: I don't want to cut it.


Instead of stopping right then and there? Which is what I would have done?

She asks my husband what he wants.
Really?!!


Instead of saying:

Just a bang trim, Thanks!

He starts talking about the back and sides.
They agree on a cut similar to a boy that just left.
With barely any hair.


WHAT THE LIVING FUCK?

I can't even say anything because I am so irate. Oh, and sobbing. Lest we forget that gorgeous piece of public humiliation....

I try to croak out that I just want his bangs cut....please don't touch the rest, but she is already busy snipping away.

That traitorous bastard I married?
He's happily snapping pictures.

I am still sobbing AND trying to blow bubbles to keep O calm.
[BTW, sobbing and blowing, in any arena? Doesn't mix. A helpful hint from me to you.]


The cut is done.

It's awful. 
It's very Slingblade-meets-Toddler bowl cut, with a mullet starter kit in the back. 
(only worse.)


I look at him and just cry more.


My husband now realizes that the has made a grave mistake.

I can see it on his face.

This allows me to make the transition from heartbroken to livid.
I was already at my boiling point before we got there and this sent me over the edge....

My MIL takes the baby so we can get some food.
I am a big believer in not fighting in public.
Honestly.
BUT.
We sit down to eat and I just LOSE MY SHIT.

Have you ever seen the couple at a restaurant who are fighting-- but quietly, through clenched teeth?
The harsh whispered screams?
We are that couple.

I am angry and heartbroken.  I do not appreciate having my feelings in the matter totally disrespected.  I am hurt/embarrassed that he just stood there while I sobbed.  And?  He let them butcher our son's beautiful hair.

He apologizes.
But he thinks I'm overreacting.
I can tell he thinks I'll get used to it...

We go home.

I am angry and hurt and silent.
Looking at the baby makes me cry.

I know that Husband feels awful, but I need time to process.
I tell him that I accept his apology, but that he needs to give me space.

But he won't.

He HATES when I am angry at him.  It makes him want to crawl out of his skin.
While I understand, I try to explain that I am thoroughly hurt and angry on several levels...this is going to take more than a minute to subside....

Explaining and justifying on both sides turns to more fighting.
My temper is no longer in check.

I go take a long shower. With the door locked.

I get out a calmer me.
He is a more honestly apologetic him.
He finally sees what this was for me.

And he admits that he thinks O's hair cut is as AWFUL as I do, and that it was mistake to rush his first hair cut.

We kiss and make up....sorta.

I warn him that I am still not 100% over it.

Next morning?
It still makes me weepy to look at the baby's head.

Husband is desperate to save this somehow.
He decides that he will use the clippers to cut O's hair so that it is 1nch in length all over, evening it out.



You may be yelling at my obviously crazy husband:

BITCH, DON'T GO IN THERE!! You're gonna get killed!!

But you know what?


I LOVE IT.

I'm still mourning his curls and wispies, but his new 1950's-style little man 'do makes me smile....
[and forgive that traitorous bastard husband of mine....a little bit more.  Hey, it's a process.]

Still?

Heartbroken.
His hair was awesome.

Spouseface owes me BIG TIME for our anniversary and my birthday.

BIG.
Ha!

25 comments:

Endellion said...

i'm going to pretend i didn't just read this

JayneSees said...

H-I wish I didn't have to write it. Fucking horrible.

Cave Momma said...

I'm sorry. I haven't had to deal with that but I can sympathize and I'm so sorry. But I'm glad you love the new look.

Good luck to hubs on the whole make-up thing.

Courtney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JayneSees said...

Thanks Jeneva! It was definitely a bit of an "ordeal..." Ahem...

My clueless got wrapped up in the fanfare of "Baby's First Hair Cut!!," and lost his damn mind...

He honestly feels like such an ass about it.

But I'm not quite ready to give up my grudge...

As I said, some serious gifting is in order!

*Snicker*

Kacie said...

i laughed so hard.. SO HARD the entire time i read this!!
you = brilliant.
i sincerely hope you go to blogsugar so i can meet you in person and be better for it.

i've already dealt with the fact that our boys will have a buzzed head after a year... they will be just like dad.

its better i know now.
because i think i'd be as mad as you were if that was sprung on me.

The Sweetest said...

Jayne, you were so right to be upset. I would have been, too. And pardon me if I am crossing the line here, but what the fuck is wrong with your MIL letting it go on like that? Why didn't she back you up, or at least try to postpone the haircut or SOMETHING? My son had his first "real" haircut at about 13 months. I didn't cry, but it wasn't a good haircut. I now just take him with me when I get mine cut and try to do some trimming at home in between (his hair grows like crazy). Most of those kiddie cuts places suck.

JayneSees said...

Jeneva- I meant to type "my clueless husband" but I guess my clueless works too!

Kacie- You are so sweet! I would love to make it to Blog Sugar this year! I was super-bummed to have missed it last year! It would be so fun to meet in person!
And yes, you may "know" now, but it will still be painful. Sigh.

Carrie-I think my MIL like my husband, was just so caught up in the moment, that she just kinda glossed over it. Also? I think they both thought that idea of "any minute now..." Like I was all of the sudden going to realize the awesomeness of the day and be as excited as they were, LOVING the fact that my son's hair was being cut to shit. She was wrong. They were both so very wrong. Additionally, She was super pro-hair cut in the first place, so there's that...

Her, I can forgive.
My husband?
He fucking should have known better.

livingsj77 said...

Ohh, I'm so sad for you. You know, you read my post, I totally cried when Ainsley got her hair cut and she was 3.5 and it was my idea.

You are a better woman than me, I may have killed my husband.

JayneSees said...

Jaime-I seriously considered asking him to move out for a bit...for his own protection. Ha.

Might have been a bit awkward though, as we live with his parents.
Sigh.

he calls me wifey said...

So I'm not gonna lie, I pretty much went through the motions of feeling a little bit of your anger and sadness. In fact, I nearly got teary at one point.

I really feel that I may have reacted the same as you had I been in your shoes and when it comes to my son, I'm gonna go through major withdrawals when it comes time to cut his hair.

BUT when we do cut his hair it'll be like a little 1950's side part cuteness like you describe. I really wanna see pictures of O's hair now!

I'm glad that you're okay with his re-cut, because if you weren't you'd probably be crying everyday until it grew out.

<3

Cel said...

I am so sorry that you went through that. Poor baby. I loved his hair too!
As for me my son is finally getting hair! Its finally growing in kid was practically bald when he was born. Love your blog. Boy can I relate!

Lupie Mama said...

Wow, I'm so sorry you had such a yucky first hair cut experience! I am so not ready for Lileigh's (thank God she's a girl and her hair is growing in nicely so there's not much of a reason to cut it). I'm terrified of her curly locks being gone (which my hair stylist said will most likely happen), so Dan knows I will hurt him if he would touch her hair. Gotta say, Owen looks SO handsome in the picture you have on FB! xoxoxo

JayneSees said...

ABH- Ohhh, I'm glad I like it too. I'm not sure our marriage could have survived the grow-out period. I'm still trying to get over it. xo!

Cel-Yay for finally getting hair! I'm so glad you like my blog! It always helps to know people get a kick out of it.

Rach-Thanks darlin'! If he cut her hair I would HURT him! Hahah

Hasta Claridad said...

Ai, you poor thing. You were clear! How was this up for discussion?! I can't imagine how angry you must have felt. Did the MIL point out to her son why he was wrong? Was it too much to ask for some more time? I'm sorry this was so hard for you... I'm really glad that the end result is slightly less offensive.

JayneSees said...

HC-I don't know what got lost in translation, but obviously, SOMETHING did. Uggh. Men, sometimes!

Kris said...

OH my god.

I do not have issues with my daughters' hair, but I have issues aplenty. If my husband ignored my slobbering tears and despair to do something I have insisted I don't want done? I cannot even think, I am so angry just imagining that scenario.

Your husband LOST HIS DAMN MIND.

He is lucky you forgave him.

Oh my god.

KLZ said...

We just had our son's haircut and I HATE it.

My husband is wise enough to not mention it.

JayneSees said...

Kris- I use the term "forgive" loosely. As in the urge to stab has subsided....ahem.

He gets a little leniency, because I do believe he did LOSE HIS DAMN MIND.

But mercy will not be shown again...

KLZ-He IS wise. And I'm sorry! So sorry!

Nichole said...

We took our 15-month son in for his first haircut just a couple of weeks ago. I was reluctant and teary.
But after? I loved it. Though his curls are gone, his neck is delicious and soft.
It is supposed to be tough, I think.

MamaRobinJ said...

Oh my. I would have killed him too. What the fuck was the big deal - couldn't he wait to get it cut until you were ready? And to leave you sobbing? Wow, I'd have been swearing at him before we even left the house.

I'm not even sure major sucking up will work. He's going to owe you for that for a LONG time.

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