[Aren't you so happy that I guide you through these earth-shattering epiphanies?]
It frightens me because I'm constantly struck with how many people just don't realize that.
And that even though I do, I'm still taken aback sometimes...
The Spouse Unit and I have been arguing a lot lately.
Not in the "We're heading for divorce" kinda way, but just a ton of annoyed/irritated bickering.
Which gets real old, real fast and leads to more fully-fleshed angries.
I said something that I thought was helpful.
I snapped back.
I had HAD it.
I didn't talk to him all day.
(We usually text/talk throughout the day)
I needed to calm down and organize my thoughts.
Why are we so freakin' crabby?
What is HIS problem?
What is MY problem?
WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM???
So I fumed all day.
I decided, finally, that I was feeling
Like The Bad Guy.
All the time.
This really made me sad.
I work really hard at our lives. At our marriage. At raising our son.
My main goal in life?
To ensure that my husband and son are well-cared for and happy.
That our family is happy.
That is what makes ME happy.
So the fact that I was feeling like my Husband might be seeing me as the "Harpy Wife?"
and I was pissed.
I am a fantastical wife, damn it!
What the HELL does he want from me?
I couldn't be more awesome, and he couldn't be more Lucky!
I am all sorts of appreciative of his hard work, how can he not appreciate me, appreciating that?
[...and Cue Spiral...]
We put O to bed. I pulled the We Need to Talk card.
Which he hates. All men hate it. I'm aware.
But we really did need to talk.
After not getting anywhere for a while, we finally realized that we were both struggling in our roles.
As a Wife/Mother/Adult and Husband/Father/Adult
Specifically--how those roles were reflected to and on one another as a couple.
Make sense? Hopefully.
We also figured out that while we both thought we we being all appreciative, helpful and respectful to the other?
It wasn't being received that way, a lot of the time.
This sorta scared us.
Ummm, holy shit.
Communication in our marriage is TERRIBLE. We.ARE.DOOOOMED.
But notsomuch, really.
We just needed to have a couple reality checks and get back on track.
In addition (and probably most importantly), we needed to be frank about some outside factors affecting our attitudes, which would directly affect our "hearing."....
Living on a shoe-stringy budget (and all the stress that goes with it) is hard on your marriage
Living with Chronic pain (and the frustration and helplessness on both sides) is hard on your marriage.
Living without medication (ADD for him, Depression for me) is hard on your marriage.
Living with your in-laws (however awesome they may be and however grateful you ARE) is hard on your marriage.
Trying to be a new parent in that environment? You guessed it! Haaaard on the marriage.
We will make it out of, and past these obstacles eventually, but it's going to be awhile.
We are working, we are trying, we are hoping, we are waiting.
Waiting for the tides to turn in our favor.
The wait weighs on us both, heavily.
The wait and the worry burdens our hearts.
Mostly out of concern for the other. And our son.
But those burdens can chafe once in awhile, and I don't know about you?
chafing makes me cuh-rank-eeee.
I think the same can be said for my Darling Husband.