Saturday, March 12, 2011

Get Out of My Belly and into My Car?

I've talked about my pregnancy at length these pages.

It's why I started this foolishness.

I wanted to document what I hoped would be my third, but FIRST actual full-term pregnancy.

Pregnancy was not easy for me.
I was violently nauseous for the first 4-5 months...
I had UTIs the entire time and had to be on antibiotics.
My Cerebral Palsy'd body was not equipped to handle the stretching of ligaments and realignment that comes along with carrying a baby...

I had to use a wheelchair.
There was so much pain....
and swelling.
And more PAIN.

Then my amniotic sac sprung a leak...
Yeah. THAT was awesome.  By awesome? I mean utterly terrifying.
Would we ever fucking make it?

I was not so sure.

But I wanted this child more than....I didn't think I could have handled another loss....

We finally arrived at the home stretch.

Despite my visions of Doulas, and soft lighting, and music, and natural birth, I was told that a Cesarean was my safest option.

In the beginning?  I was heartbroken.
By week 38?

I miss sushi! I miss walking! 

I had been given my epidural...
I was laying on a cold metal table...
The lighting was harsh...
The smell of an operating room, familiar.
They were cutting me open...
My OBGYN had the radio on.
He was singing along to Caribbean Queen.
My husband was seated at my head... 
He looked terrified.
This was not the way I wanted to bring my son into the world!
I wanted intimate. I wanted special. I wanted....
not Billy Ocean, that's for fucking sure.

They told me that they were ready to pull him out.
I felt the surprising and immense pressure...
He's out!!

Breathe. Please Breathe.
Where is he?
I don't hear him!
Oh. My. God.

I hear him.
He is not happy with the current state of affairs.
He's screaming with all his might...
And I am happier than I have ever been.

[This post was written for the Red Dress Club, as part of their Red Writing Hood prompt. I'm trying to get involved....NERVOUS.]


Kelley said...

No Billy Ocean? I can't imagine that you wouldn't want to remember Billy Ocean every time you thought of having your child. Ha! Kidding, of course. So glad everything went well!

Anonymous said...

This is frightening.

A little awesome.

But mostly frightening.

I have no children.

Endellion said...

what a coincidence you just posted this, i am in an immense amount of pain that has me wondering

Leighann said...

The birth plan.
The paper you spend hours creating.
And then?
Leave behind on the kitchen counter because you just want that damn baby out. And did you even pack a piece of paper? Who cares let's go!!

Karen said...

I missed sushi too.

And while I didn't have a romantic view of childbirth, I didn't expect what I did have.

But, I hear you on loosing and then being done and then holding a sweet baby, your sweet baby in your arms.

Glad you wrote along! I linked up late this round, but that just means I've got a great lotta reading to do! :>

Anonymous said...

With my first, my ob was talking to one of the nurses about her new car. Her new CAR!! While I was on the table, under her blade.


Cheryl said...

Really? Billy Ocean? And the guy was SINGING along to it? OMG. You can't make this stuff up!

Jayne said...

Kelley-Billy Ocean will always remain a permanent fixture in my birthing process. Yay.

Haven-You are right to be frightened. But for me? I would do it all over again in a heart beat.

Leighann-LET'S GO, indeed. You are being evicted, baby. Ha!

Karen-Thank you! Sushi is just the best, right?

Mandyland- Her new car? Over your NEW BABY? ridiculous.

Cheryl- Really. BILLY OCEAN. Total Sing-a-long. Whilst GUTTING ME. Awesome. Right? NotSoMuch. True Story.

he calls me wifey said...

this made me laugh so hard, especially the Billy Ocean part. I mean, was that guy for real??!

Jayne said...

Ohhh, he's legit alright....lucky me!