I'm getting a cold....(I hope it's just a cold)
Again.
I immediately started panicking about having to go to the doctor.
(no insurance=panic)
It was making for kind of a Debbie-Downer kind of day....
Which reminded me of a post that had been nibbling at me:
Remember my my post about Optimism? Or, rather, my struggle with Optimism?
I was not happy with the piece. I didn't feel like I had articulated my feelings on the issue (my issues).
From the second I hit "Publish," I was worried that people would read it and think that I was a really negative person....something I'm really not.
I didn't take the post down, because it was where I was in that moment, and honestly? I couldn't think of another way I wanted to address the post, so fuck it.
But then I got an awesome comment of encouragement from my dear friend Andrea...Here's a snippet:
"...I think that if getting you through the day is to prepare for the worst and let optimism fly out the window, then more power to you. Seriously...."
I was so thankful for that. I responded lengthily right.a-way.
After reading my response to her comment a few times over, I realized that THAT was what I had been trying to say on the first go...
I was going to attempt to flesh that comment into its own post, but I'm feeling crappy and would rather watch a movie, so I'm just going to paste in (with a little bit of editing because this was originally typed via my iTouch) my response:
[Makes more sense, I think....?]
"Yeah-Thanks so much for this comment! I really appreciate it.
It's not optimism as a whole that I have a problem with, it's that
"forced cheerfulness" and "fantasyland optimism" that we seem to be forcing ourselves into as a society.
Nothing is ever allowed to not be okay.
Any time someone mentions how a portion or a time in life is hard, they are bombarded with reasons as to why it's "not that bad" and why the person should be happy.
Planning for the possibility of hard times has become a character flaw.
Acknowledging the toll that hardships take on you/your family has somehow been translated into ungratefulness.
Rough times are turned into "blessings in disguise", disappointments become "lessons that needed to be learned", disasters are not disastrous, but a healthy dose of "character-building"--and so on...
While I absolutely believe that you learn from the experiences in life, and need to look for the good in your life-not wallowing in negativity, I think we need to be a bit more realistic with ourselves. With each other.
Sometimes life is hard.
Really fucking hard, and things don't always work out for the best.
Most of life not going to just fall together happily in our laps.
It takes work and planning and honesty about what lies ahead.
And sometimes, even with all the planning or smiles in the world?
It's not so positive.
I wish that that could be talked about without the penalty of the label of Negative Nelly McUnappreciative Pants."
But I'm not a Positive Polly McRainbowsandUnicorns Pants, either.
Does that make ANY sense?
4 comments:
I'm pretty sure that you are me...except you, and I'm me. You are taking words right out of my brain. YES!!! Total sense! I would not call myself negative, but I am realistic. I do not allow myself to live in a fantasy world. I am prepared for badness. It's not that I invite it and wallow in my misery and see only the bad side of things...it's just that I don't want to be caught with my pants down so to speak. So I am extremely realistic all the time. No fairy tails or wonderlands for me...real life all the time. Also, I freaking hate the whole "meant to be" or "God has a plan" or "here's the silver lining" crap that people feed you when shitty things happen to you. I want to claw their eyes out. Whether it was meant to be or not, it still hurts. Whether it was the plan or not, it still sucks. Whether there is a silver lining or not, I'm still upset about it.
So basically...totally agree with you and I think you said it perfectly.
It makes PERFECT sense.
I am so happy that my comment(s) validated your thoughts and feelings and affirmed that it is okay, no, MORE THAN OK, to say what's on your mind. Feel how you feel, think what you think and realize that not only does it matter, but that it makes you who you uniquely are.
I love you!
p.s. February is unusually booked for me and I'm not sure how March is going to look as of yet, but our heart2heart still needs to happen <3
Thank you for this! I get so sick of being labeled as a pessimist, or a "realist" with sarcastic air quotes, or the consummate nay-sayer, when ALL I am ever trying to do is just see things from all sides, know what I'm up against, prepare accordingly, and move forward wisely. I do not DWELL in negativity! I just like to fully assess everything without giving over to this trendy "The Secret" bullshit and just letting my life be run by the wavering whims of "the Universe" and it's mystical plan. If this is reality, I choose to participate. In so doing, I want to know where all the exits are, where to get supplies if I need them, and who/what I have to face on any given day. THANK YOU for recognizing this truly obnoxious trend in our country of blissful oblivion and pretend Disney-esque "Every thing's just peaches and roses and I just want to break into song!" I break into song after I've conquered my demons head on, thank you, and I find it far more satisfying; and oddly enough, yes, it actually makes me quite HAPPY.
I swear, I look forward to your blog every week. Your clear vision helps keep me sane on many a last-nerve kinda days. Thank you. You're awesome.
Jaime-It is true that you are YOU and I am ME, but we are obviously geniuses. Ha! Thank you for "getting" me.
ABH-I love YOU! Just let me know what days work for you and we will make it happen!
Britt-Thank you for being with me every step of the way, darling friend!
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